What would you say? I was stumped!

[Whattosay1]

New guy started at work…conversation went like this.
set the scene, he had just mentioned to a co worker that his wife hates eggs so he can’t make them at home so he was happy he could get them in the canteen.
me- ah where does your wife work, I hope they don’t serve eggs there (joking)
him- (laughing)oh she doesn’t work…she’s at home preparing for the baby.
me- oh how lovely. Congratulations’ when is baby due?
him- well she’s not actually pregnant yet…we’re just trying.
me- oh…ok.

other colleagues were very confused…as was I…is this normal? 😆

... people like op ...

Well the wife might not have either - until she had to.

I think you were being a bit low empathy not to have considered that tbh.

I agree with you - asking what your partner does for work is a perfectly normal thing, if you think it's safe enough to ask. Asking people if they have a partner, also normal. It's called chit-chat. This said, the older I get, the less I want to know, and I've never cared all that much either way. People will tell me what they want to know.

Added to which, I was once in a terribly embarrassing situation with a woman who was paying me to do a job...she began telling me about a situation her friend was in, and I can't begin to describe the size of all the fucks I couldn't have given, but never the less, she was a client, so I listened and at one point said "goodness, you wouldn't imagine anyone doing that knowing it would catch up with them", only to be told off majorly for asking personal questions about her friend and that there's no way she'd have told her friends anything about me like I had asked. I think a part of my brain died that day. 😫

Agreed, if he is happy to have his spouse not work, then fair play to them.

Not sure why you’re getting so much flack for a true statement.

Why is everyone acting like she can’t just be a housewife? People do still do that

I think its "faux confusion" to make a passive aggressive statement about that.

I would have assumed fertility treatment. I would have asked where she works as well - nothing odd about that!

This is the oddest thread. It's perfectly normal to ask where someone's partner works, it's called small talk. And I think of someone told me their wife was at home preparing for a baby that hasn't even been conceived yet I would have struggled not to laugh!

Exactly. Going straight in with ‘where does your wife work?’ with a complete stranger after a bit of lighthearted banter about cooking eggs might be the modern thought process, but many married women don’t work (yes, even in 2025) for reasons that are none of anyone else’s business.

You probably took him by surprise so his answer wasn’t perhaps what he would have said if he’d known he was going to suddenly be questioned about his wife’s career choices. As long as they’re both happy that’s all that matters.

Coming here and being all shocked that a woman is not currently working and doesn’t have children is just silly.

An old friend of mine had a back-sloping womb. After some losses, and then talks with the doctors she had to prepare for pregnancy and spent most of it lying on her back!

I know this wouldn’t be likely to be the first thing on most people’s minds but it’s not that weird for a woman to not work. And it certainly doesn’t automatically make her a sinner… 🤨

Oh come on, if he had said that his wife didn't work the OP would not have made a post here.

The OP is not stumped that a women doesn't work outside the home. We all know there are still plenty of women and men who don't work outside the home for a variety of reasons.

It's the fact that he said that she was at home preparing for the baby that hasn't been conceived yet that stumped the OP.

Who on earth says they are preparing for the baby where there isn't a baby...

Who on earth says they are preparing for the baby where there isn't a baby...

I'm stumped as to who on earth would care this had been said. 🤔

Maybe his wife is just currently unemployed and he chose not to share that with op, saying the first thing that came into his head to shut down the interrogation before it got even more intrusive?
Bet he was just giving you something to chew on, op.

You have absolutely no idea of the circumstances of the OP’s-colleagues’s-wife. You cannot know whether she is lazy or not from the meagre information provided.

However, you should remember that wrath, pride and envy are all also mortal sins, because your posts reek of them.

It’s a weird way of putting it I agree but it’s possible that he means she going through fertility treatment. Those who haven’t been through it can’t imagine how time consuming and restrictive it can be, and some women do decide to stop working to make it possible.

Pah, RTFT！

It’s a “deadly sin” but not necessarily a mortal sin. For that you need full knowledge (she’d have to know it is a mortal sin); full consent (she’d have to be doing it of her own free will without pressure from anyone else or reservations); and it would have to be defined as “grave matter” which you can’t possibly know without knowing the situation. This is the Catholic definition because AFAIK other denominations don’t get in to the nitty gritty in the same way.

Anyway not the point of the thread! OP I agree, it’s very odd to talk about preparing for a baby that doesn’t exist, unless it’s an oblique reference to IVF and/or the colleague is a non-native speaker.

How on earth can - I can't eat eggs at home - lead to, 'where does your wife work'. You were being incredibly nosey OP. I feel really sorry for the poor bloke having to deal with personal questions. Preparing for a baby could include many scenarios, fertility treatment and adoption for example.
I think you owe him an apology for putting him on the spot.

I wouldn't of asked about wife's workplace.
I would've asked what eggs he likes (boiled, fried, scrambled, poached etc) but I'm nosy that way 😆
I like a good 3 egg omelette personally 😆

Bit confused by the people saying that OP's asking about his wife's work is strange when it's just polite conversation. I don't know any woman of working age who doesn't have a job. How odd.

Side note, I find the phrase 'trying for a baby' a funny one as well because it's basically just an acceptable way of saying 'We're shagging raw on the reg'

She (his beloved wife) could easily be in the first 12 weeks when you agree not to tell anyone. "Other colleagues were confused" suggests you've spun this into gossip OP ...what a nice workplace he's joined 🙄

No. Not just @Sophabulous

Did you know that one of the top answers to the often asked question "how do I make conversation with people?" is "ask them about themselves"?

You'll inevitably argue that the question was about his wife, not him, but I do ask others about their significant other in the course of a working relationship because that is something important in their lives.

We're not all the same, clearly, but colleagues partners are really not a taboo subject.

However, I would definitely not be "stumped" in OP's situation.

Because there is no evidence that sloth is involved. You are confusing working for the market with virtue. Many virtues exist outside the market. Even in a Christian ethos there are many worthy actions—charity, childcare, eldercare, volunteer work which are not classed as sloth.

I don’t think it’s odd to ask where someone’s spouse works in general chat - but I do think it’s extremely strange to have crowbarred it into the conversation about eggs! Not a natural question at all.

OP, I think I would have just said “oh lovely, best of luck” when he said they were TTC.

He wasn’t asking you to pass judgment or comment, he was just stating a fact. There might be an array of reasons she’s at home while trying, particularly if there’s complexity in terms cf conception.