Nanny wearing my slippers when I'm not there

[SilverDoublet]

This is a bit of a weird one - so I popped home today unexpectedly while the nanny was in my house with the kids. Everything seemed fine, but then when she was talking to me I looked down and saw that she was wearing my slippers. It made me feel sick. They're not the cleanest or newest of slippers, but I didn't know what to say. I don't know if she's been doing this the whole time or what but I feel like binning the slippers and hiding my slippers in future. I also feel like letting her go over it. It just makes me wonder what else she might do when I'm not there. She's from Brazil. Is this normal in Brazil to just wear someone else's slippers? Am I being weird to have a total icky feeling about this?

Once again bonding with and loving your child is your job, not something that can be farmed-out.
Yes there germs but, unless your child is immuno-deficient, they all need them to build up immunity and surely that's preferable to mothballing them at home. The stay-at-home alternative is positively bourgeois and, to my mind, ultimately detrimental. You'll be telling me next you believe in home schooling and are against vaccination.

My initial reaction too. There are cultures where you share slippers. Just get her her own as a gift. You deserve new ones too.

Your argument that having nanny in some way interferes with parents bond just doesn’t stack up here. By your own inference the same has to apply to parents that put their child into nursery.

Say a set of parents need childcare to work and they have the means to pick nursery or a nanny for that childcare. Either way, the children are being cared for by somebody else for the same period of time.

So if parents can still love and bond with their child outside of nursery, as you suggest, then of course they can do that outside of the hours the nanny is there. Because the childcare is for the exact same hours - when the parent is working.

The childcare chosen makes no difference to the love and bonding with the parent. In fact, parents that wfh get more hours to love and bond with their child as naturally they will end up seeing and loving the child during their working day ie having lunch with them. They also don’t have the sometimes stressful time of pick up and drop off so can spend more quality time with the child.

What you are suggesting is that the child shouldn’t have a loving bond with anybody else. Most children have loving bonds with more than just their parents, why not their parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and a nanny - who they consider part of the family too?

Children develop best when they feel loved and safe. The more people that make them feel this way the better.

And there are plenty of baby groups for socialisation.

And no I am not anti vaccines nor pro home school.

huge overreaction because it's a thing to have guest slippers to wear around the home, but unless you communicate with her about this and provide for it in the future, you are the one being a bit weird. Yes, it's not something I would like to do experience but if made aware I would certainly get two new pairs instead of reacting as severly as you have.

I'm not attacking anyone. If you feel paranoid on behalf of others perhaps you should seek professional help 🤔

No I didn't say it interfered with the parental bond, I just find the concept of paying someone to "parent" a child in their own home a bit 'ick'.
It's the kind of thing people with money do just because they can afford it.

I'm not paying her to parent my children, I'm paying her to be the responsible adult in the house for 3 hours a day, 3 times a week. My husband or I look after them the rest of the time. The children are older, school aged children - they only need a bit of supervision to make sure they do homework, clean their lunch boxes and get something to eat. It's the kind of thing people do, that don't send their child to boarding school. People with money (or on benefits possibly) can stay at home to parent their child til they're adults.

But I don't see what your problem is. Do you expect people to stop working for 18 years when they have a baby? Really?

Just buy her a pair. Its respectful of her not to walk around with her shoes on.

I just don’t get the disgusted posts about sharing slippers, have you never been a to a friends house and forgot something so needed to borrow a piece of clothing? I’ve definitely worn my friends slippers/ shoes etc when the situation called for it. I mean she could have asked, it would have been more polite but some cultures might think it’s impolite not to provide guests/ staff with indoor shoes.

Nope. No sharing shoes, undies, swimwear, PJs, hair brush, toothbrush, cutlery (mid use), straws (mid use), water bottles (mid use) - those things ok if clean. Don't share flannels, sponges, loofahs (ewwwweew), make up applicators/sponges, razors.

If it sheds it ain't shared.

Oh give over. Some of us have to work. We can't all afford to stay home. It's 2025, dontcha know?

Fuck me some of the replies are insane. What, no one on Mumsnet ever had a nanny/cleaner/au pair/babysitter?
OP I’ve had nannies and au pairs for 12 years. I’ve always bought them their owns slippers as we are a shoes off house so never encountered a slipper heist! But yes that is weird.
in your position I would buy her a pair, bin your own, and replace them. Keep them upstairs so she doesn’t just shove on whatever is nearest.
Also you can machine wash slippers so there is no need for them to be gross and smelly.

I was a nanny and I was paid by working families who would rather their children were looked after in their own home. Only one of three families would I say were well off. What difference is a nanny to any other type of childcare🤷‍♀️

Yes but those are like flipflops aren't they, not really slippers (fabric/cushioned)

Yup. Though DD likes the big furry ones.

This is a whole new world to me, so you’ve never been in a situation where you’ve worn another persons shoes or slippers? What about ice skating, when you have to rent a pair? Assuming you wouldn’t buy second hand clothes then? I mean, I’ve bought secondhand sandals/ shoes etc, not terribly worn down ones but lightly used. Never occurred to me that it would be unusual.

just a question, if you were at a friends house and were wearing sandals and were asked to take the shoes off, would you prefer to walk around their house barefoot or wear your friends slippers?

That’s weird, I’m a nanny. I’d never wear my employers slippers. I bring my own.

Actually. Just thought buy her a pair of slippers with furry bottoms then she can polish the floor at the same time.

No problem with second hand clothes. They get laundered - in fact most of my clothes are second hand.

Footwear on the other hand - hard no. Ice skating and bowling - in the very rare occasion - maybe 10 times in my whole life. Double socks and brain bleach do the trick.

I would no sooner share a friend's shoes than use their toothbrush or scrub myself with their loofah. It's just grim.

Edited to add: I would definitely go barefoot or socks over sharing sweaty slippers.

Seems a massive overaction to let her go over it. Why not just tell her not to use your slippers? Or... keep them in a place where they are not accessible. People are so afraid of what they consider confrontation but not addressing the issue just makes things worse and your feelings just fester.

Whoa, total over reaction if you sack her for borrowing your slippers OP. It might be the first time she's done it. It's been a lot colder recently & she may have forgot hers or her feet were so cold she put them on to warm up. Just hide yours & buy her a pair to leave at your house for when she's there. It's really no biggie & not something that would make me feel sick.

And you checked your wardrobe and accessories too right?

Wash the slippers, keep them put away and give the nanny a gift of slippers-sorted.