Partner doesn’t want my son here on a weekend

[Happymum1782]

I have a son (5y) from a previous marriage and now a 2yo with my current partner. Due to his dad living far away we always had my son during the week and then his dad had him every weekend but recently his dad moved close by and I wanted to have my son one weekend per month so we could have family time and both kids could spend time with their sibling. We have very little time during the week as we work full time and both kids in school / childcare 9-5 every day so I have missed out on quality time with my older son while he was with his dad every weekend. I spoke with my partner about it and he agreed so I arranged it with my ex. Well this weekend is our turn to have my son and I brought it up with my partner to say we could go as a family to choose a Christmas tree. He was really unpleasant in response, rolled his eyes and said “great” in a sarcastic tone then went on to say “guess that’s my weekend ruined then. We will have no time together. I will have to spend all weekend entertaining your son”. To be clear he does very little with my son. I do all of his day to day care and playing with both kids on an evening as my partner is tired from
work. I’m really upset by his comments and he says I’m overreacting.

This is not the first time he’s been resentful towards my son, when we had our baby he would make comments saying he was dreading my son coming home from nursery because he didn’t want him there and he took away his time from being with his baby. He also struggles to regulate and snaps a lot at my son but not at our shared child. AIBU to get so upset over this?

Why don't u do what anyone else would do. Leave your horrible partner. U don't want to tho do you? U would rather see your son treated like dirt by this man. Do u really think your son doesn't sense that he's seen as an inconvenience. So yes maybe u should just let him go to his dad. And speaking about his dad. What do u think he is going to say / do when your son inevitably tells him what's been going on ?

You have to leave this awful man. What’s more important to you. This creep or your son?

I feel sorry for both kids. Especially if OP does end up leaving, it's a lose lose situation for everyone.

Except for the 5 year old who won't be mistreated anymore...

I know for sure he can’t possibly be doing stuff behind my back because the man barely goes near that child. He is never alone with him. And I mean never. I do everything for my son and most stuff for our shared child. My partner is out of the house most of the day anyway as he works long hours. When he comes home we have dinner together and then I take the kids upstairs for bath and bed. On a morning he leaves the house before the kids are out of bed. And as I’ve said we do not have my son on a weekend until now. There would literally be no opportunity for him to say anything abusive without me hearing it. He doesn’t want to spend time with my son as a family, he definitely doesn’t want to look after him on his own.

it doesn't matter what he tells the teacher. it matters that he's growing up in a home where he isn't wanted by someone he loves. where he's second best. where he's been replaced. and you compensating to make up for his attitude to dc1 will knock on negatively to dc2!

Counsellor, children's centre staff, other parents - you'd rather listen to THEM than use your own eyes, ears and intuition ?

Don't blame other people for why you choose to stay with a gas lighting, unkind partner. It's your choice

But not his step dad. You didn’t prioritise your son enough to be sure he would be included in any future family before rushing into one.

I wouldve left the second he complained about being around my son.

Yabvu.

Funny multiple people on this thread suggest counselling, seeking professional advice etc but when I say we have then it’s also wrong to have done that 🤣

That is so sad to read. What are you going to do op?

If you can’t protect your child from this vile man you need to leave. No child deserves to grow up feeling unwanted in his own home. And as your baby grows it will only get worse. What are your husband’s plans? Holidays and gifts just for his child ? Excluding your son from outings? Taking his child’s side in arguments? Poor little boy.

Bin this dickhead and enjoy all the time you can have with both your kids and he can have EOW at Macdonalds like all the other shit dads.

wtf were you thinking in saddling yourself with him? He MUST have shown what a dick he was before you decided to breed with him.

urgh, he’s revolting.

The 5 year old is already in childcare 5 days a week for 8 hours and shunted between two homes on weekends. He obviously doesn't deserve any of this.

Can you tell me a way I could have seen into the future to know this as he was extremely kind and caring to my son before we had a child together. Apologies for not having a crystal ball. My bad

If this is true you need to seriously fucking wake up and leave. That poor poy doesn't deserve to have that prick anywhere near his life.

Was he like this with your son before you had a baby with him?

I grew up with my own father not really wanting us around. It’s damaged all 3 of us. Do not do this to your child.

Your child has already picked up this bloke doesn’t want him around.
His comments alone would have caused me to leave him.

No you should give up your partner and protect both children.

NO. I have said multiple times this happened AFTER the baby was born. Anyone in my family would tell you how kind and caring he was to my son before we had our child together

You're telling me you chose to reproduce with someone who resents your child? Are you actually being serious???

You're allowing your 5 year old son to be caused long term psychological damage in order to pander to a grown man who sulks like a small child himself if he doesn't get his own way.

You may identify as a good mother, but you don't behave like a good mother would. You say you love your son, but you stand by while he is bullied by your partner and his sense of security destroyed. Maybe stop worrying about your own happiness and try prioritizing the happiness of the child you chose to bring into the world.

This is one of the most depressing threads I've read on MN.

You've done the counselling etc which was good on your part. But your partner is still a dick to your innocent child.

Congratulations, you identified and articulated the exact problem but seem to be blissfully ignoring how serious this is.

Harm is most likely to be done to a child by an unrelated male in their own house. You say it’s fine because you never leave them alone together… Okay. I’ll bite. Tell me, if you can’t trust your husband to be alone with your son why the fucking hell would you be married to him? Why would you bring another child into this situation?

Well, yeah. He was trying to get his feet under the table.