Been dumped with MIL whilst DH works on Xmas - AIBU to be pissed off?

[Otterloverfrenchielady]

we had plans to be away for Christmas and New Year. MIL was joining us for 5 days over Christmas.
Had to cancel those plans, not important why but was disappointing.
New plan, MIL will come to ours, we will go out for Christmas dinner (I didn’t want to cook at home as would end up with extras coming, costs a fortune and no one ever helps).

Mentioned to DH at the weekend that I assumed he would be cancelling some of his AL as we weren’t going away now, he started a drip feed of ‘oh I am struggling for cover so might need to pop into work for a bit on Christmas day’
said I didn’t love this but understood. He also said he was working up to and including Christmas eve, I reminded him his DM was staying.

fast forward and it is now looking like he is going to be working a full or possibly half day EVERY day that DMil is here, including Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day.

so it will just be me and her. I like my DMil but she can be a lot, and we have VERY different political views, and she will constantly bring up politics.

Not to mention I am disabled, have an energy limiting condition and a house guest for 5 days is a lot for me, let alone one alone.

I understand it sucks for DH, but AIBU to feel like I have been dumped on from a great height here?

If only you had the courage to use some of that assertiveness with your husband.

Then neither of us would be wasting our time.

My exh did this one year. He had the choice of working or taking leave but he chose to work while my workplace shut down over Christmas.

He brought his mother to stay on the 23rd and took her home in the 1st. He worked everyday except Christmas day and New Year's day.

I did not get on with my mil and spent as much time as possible at my parents' house.

I had a huge row with my exh and it never happened again - he is an ex for a reason though.

I have no problem asserting myself with my husband thanks. What would you have him do? Leave his mother alone at Christmas or lose his job?

He isn’t forcing me to do anything, if I told him to uninvite, he would. We just aren’t heartless people and have a shitty situation

That sucks, I am sorry you were in that position.

Our opinions on the thing, heartless or not, seem not to have carried any weight with you so it hardly matters.

You are definitely having MIL over, and no doubt any comments on your thread suggesting ways to evade or defer such an unwanted visit (according to YOU, but not necessarily to some of US) have afforded you no end of opportunities to bask in pained acknowledgement of your saintliness.

What sends a lot of us into a tailspin are blatantly manipulative ‘AIBU’ enquiries like this one! 😈

Do you ever wonder that you are getting too invested in what other people are doing? You can turn the computer of you know.

AIBU has ALWAYS been a place where people who kinda know they are not being unreasonable but feel bad about something can come to vent and get validation and support. If you don't want to give that you are able to ignore.

Oh FO from your high horse. There has been practical advice I have welcomed and taken on board. What you mean is I didn’t like your suggestion, which you seem to have some huge issue with. Perhaps you feel rejected, or just always have to be right.

Yes, I'm sure you're lovely, what with your "shitty situation" and because you "been dumped with MIL".

Why don't you link her this thread.

Knowing her I imagine she will be saying she’s been dumped on DIL. I don’t know why you think that is some sort of slur.

It is a shitty situation, on all of us. DH has to work, Mil will want to see her son over xmas, as do I. I am sure it is how most people would feel. I haven’t said she is awful, I have said we mostly get on, I love her and it’s rubbish on her too.

Because you're only framing it in the short term. If you keep rescuing people from the consequences of their own actions, they will carry on doing it and you will carry on drawing the short straw. You taking on MIL at Xmas means her daughter and son don't have to feel the guilt they should feel for leaving their mother alone. You're simply enabling their own bad behaviour, depriving them of the impetus they need to step up, and doing yourself a disservice to boot.

🫡

You are not at all unreasonable to be annoyed. I hope venting a bit has helped! You are being very pragmatic about it - and have had some good suggestions. I think your DH needs to prep his Mum for what her stay will involve in terms of him working, no added guests without prior agreement and low key hosting.
Get some nice nibbles in and let’s hope there’s some good stuff on TV - and hope you enjoy it and can relax.

Wow! Thank god you’re not my DiL, Op has already said MiL lives alone in another city! As they’ve already invited her of course it’s up to her to entertain her is DH is working! They can order the whole festive menu from M&S, so nothing to do apart from stick it all in the oven!

🙄

You do sound lovely, OP. And if you haven't got your MiLs present yet, can I suggest a selection of good novels, plus a jword search book/suduko book, if they are her thing. Then if she needs something to do, whilst you put your feet up . . .

I completely understand and am in similar positions at times myself (fatigue/politics of ILs/own space). I try to ignore the political comments or not engage: neither of us is suddenly going to change our opinion or use of language. I have found it is better to sometimes excuse myself and read quietly somewhere or put earpods in and play a word game on my phone etc. Perhaps suggest she brings some solo /joint activities you could do simultaneously- jigsaws? Games? I can only do some things for a limited time or struggle at all, likewise ILs. But a few options might help and reduce the feeling of needing to "entertain"/be "on"?
You are allowed to sulk and feel a bit sorry for yourself, while also being an understanding wife and caring DIL.

I have noticed in life that people who say “ they are too lovely for their own good” are often not

Oh, calm down! OP is looking for support that she is not being U. She is not being unreasonable. She's said she thinks it'll be too much for her, and it seems she is just being taken for granted.
I'm also glad your not my MIL. 🙄