Been dumped with MIL whilst DH works on Xmas - AIBU to be pissed off?

[Otterloverfrenchielady]

we had plans to be away for Christmas and New Year. MIL was joining us for 5 days over Christmas.
Had to cancel those plans, not important why but was disappointing.
New plan, MIL will come to ours, we will go out for Christmas dinner (I didn’t want to cook at home as would end up with extras coming, costs a fortune and no one ever helps).

Mentioned to DH at the weekend that I assumed he would be cancelling some of his AL as we weren’t going away now, he started a drip feed of ‘oh I am struggling for cover so might need to pop into work for a bit on Christmas day’
said I didn’t love this but understood. He also said he was working up to and including Christmas eve, I reminded him his DM was staying.

fast forward and it is now looking like he is going to be working a full or possibly half day EVERY day that DMil is here, including Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day.

so it will just be me and her. I like my DMil but she can be a lot, and we have VERY different political views, and she will constantly bring up politics.

Not to mention I am disabled, have an energy limiting condition and a house guest for 5 days is a lot for me, let alone one alone.

I understand it sucks for DH, but AIBU to feel like I have been dumped on from a great height here?

No-one drives and is a 2.5 hour train between cities. So has to be at least xmas eve to 27th due to trains.

SIL has no room, she has a 1 bed, and is also playing house over Christmas with her new love, so will absolutely not have her. I have 2 spare bedrooms

This is absurd.

MIL is invited on the premise he is there to host. He isn't, so the invitation is rescinded and postponed "until new year" when he is around.

Tbh if he is faffing this much I'd just text MIL and say that now DH may need to work it's best she makes her own plans and you'll rescedule to do.somethi g as a family in new year.

DH is clearly intent on "not lettingpeople down" and stringing everyone along for a month until you're saddled woth eachother (and he's off the hook for rearranging).

Are you sure your husband is not volunteering so that others can be off? In which case he could do less days. I ask because my partner used to do this to be nice to his colleagues, but it's not that nice for you

Well, OP, you seem determined to be a martyr about this and not put your own needs above your MIL and SIL's, so you'll just have to suck it up. Though I fail to see what will be different next year when you're planning to go to a spa.

Well, you're just going to have to put up with her then. If DH has to work as he's the boss. And you don't want to put MIL off. There isn't another option UNLESS she has another family member/friend she can go to.

I'd cancel the visit myself.

Ha! I can’t force someone else to do the right thing.
If I am ‘determined’ because I don’t want to leave a 75 very nice woman alone on Christmas, because her daughter is selfish, then so be it. Who would do that.
I am asking if I am unreasonable to be pissed off, not to be told to be a heartless c**t

YANBU at all. My DH did similar once and I told him if he ever did it again I'd divorce him. His mother is nice enough when he's around, but she was a bloody nightmare when he wasn't.

Realistically he should cancel his MIL staying as he is no longer going to be available to host and entertain her. He’s changed the goalposts, so can you.

He will not repeat this, he knows!

She is fine. Doesn’t mean I want 5 days of a houseguest alone

It sounds a bit like that especially when he had the time booked as AL. Is he volunteering to be seen as some sort of good guy to others even though it means you have no Christmas and have to entertain a house guest for 5 days?

You have a husband problem really. I am sure he sees his job as very important but it is more important than you, you can either cancel your Mil or not but your husband isn't going to support the visit.

I sympathise OP. My MIL was due to stay with BIL and SIL one Christmas. Due to a family emergency on the 23rd (SIL’s brother murdered his wife and son 😱) MIL had to come and stay with us. To say she was a pain in the arse is an understatement. She never stopped talking, would burst into our bedroom at 7am every morning asking if we were getting up. Had to be provided with snacks continuously because of her diabetes which didn’t stop her scoffing a surfeit of cakes and biscuits or whatever else she fancied. My not so DH was self-employed so suddenly decided he had to go back to work the day after Boxing Day when originally he was planning to take the whole week off so I was left with her for the remainder of the week which was my sorely needed annual leave. As murder was obviously on the family menu I could have strangled both of them.

No Fucking Way.

Tell him he either keeps his pre booked leave, or you will not be available over Christmas.

Whether that means going elsewhere or just taking to your bed.

He is a cheeky fucker!

I'm glad.

Could you suggest she makes the visit shorter?

I do get that you can't bring yourself to leave your MIL alone over Christmas , OP. For various reasons although I'm one of 5 I always got the shitty end of the stick during holidays and ended up with my pleasant but hard work DM. One New Year I was so sick of always having to accommodate her that I didn't invite her. O the guilt I felt! You suffer if she comes and you suffer if she doesn't come. It must be our personality type.

This has to be one of the most outing posts i have seen on here.

I'd ask for it to be removed- especially with the joke.

Why can't you spend Christmas day with your parents then?

I don’t care. We have been split up for many years and I have no contact with any of the family.

A woman and her child were killed and you are making jokes ! What is wrong with you ?

Crikey! I think you win the Christmas horror story award of the century:/

But they might?

The murder joke was insensitive.

I'd personally play things a bit more cautiously.

Either he changes his work plans or she shortens her visit to one or two nights max. End of. He’s taking the piss!!

Absolutely this. I always seem to get the short end of the stick, family admin, forgotten about with ILs, I have tried to assert myself so many different ways (I am not shy) and it just backfires, someone gets the rough end and I feel bad or it makes more work for me in the long run.
I can’t believe the amount of people on here that would uninvite her and leave her alone. Maybe I am too empathetic but I would be horrified if one of my friends or family acted that way.

Wow, are you genuinely that heartless to joke about a woman and child being murdered?! It just doesn’t ring true, surely nobody is that dead inside…