How unreasonable would it be to lie about my son’s age so he can join our gym?

[WinoLino]

He’s 14. Getting into things he shouldn’t be getting into a bit. I think the gym would be a great distraction. Me, his dad and his 18 year old sister all go to the gym. It’s aged 16 and up though. I’m a rule follower at all times so I’m not saying we will do it. However, how unreasonable would it be if we were to say he is 16? Is it even possible, thinking they might want to see ID.

He will train only with us and his dad really knows what he’s doing (has spent his whole life training in the gym) so the risk of injury is lessened but of course it’s there nonetheless. Am I not thinking straight?

I know you’ve said you won’t lie, @WinoLino - I’ve read the thread.

But I can’t help imagining where a child in that situation was seriously injured and then obliged to sue his parents for knowingly taking him there when he was underage …

It’s really not a great example to set him, especially if he’s ‘getting into things he shouldn’t’ - you need to be teaching him to accept boundaries and use good judgement.

What about calthsetics? He can practice at home and his dad can help him. There's a few popular young tiktok/youtubers out there around 14-16 doing some really cool stuff right now. I think one is called Jonah Calthsetics whose 14. He does loads of one arm balancing, on the floor, blocks, and there's a guy who does one arm stands on the rolling half ball thing.

Obviously takes hours of training, practice and discipline. But it's quite "cool" too.

Also as a random sports throw out. Several years ago I did an archery course which was lots of fun. It was at my old school and the age range was 12+ I think 🤔 Again takes some practice to get really good but it's also quite a fun/cool hobby to do that takes up time he'd be spending hanging around the streets. Plus he'd make some mates into it as well.

Lots of places have taster 6wk courses. And obviously if he was into it there competitions, demos and so forth to attend 👍

alexandrosthenics alex alvanis

Have a look at his stuff. Might be his cup of tea

What makes you think it’s a good idea to encourage a child that’s already “getting into the wrong stuff”, that lying is ok? You think it’s a good idea?

Obliged? No one is obliged to sue anyone, least of all their parents.

He definitely does pass as 16 but I’m not going to do it. I will still speak to the gym and be honest about wanting him to join (he wants to join) and see what they say and if there is a way.

I hadn’t really thought about it for a very long time before posting on here.

Also I hadn’t thought about that aspect. Now I have, I have decided not to lie. That’s how I work, I think about things, speak to people, to get other’s perspectives, and that often changes how I think about it.

This is how minds work (except on Mumsnet, where the concept of mentalisation doesn’t seem to exist)

It’s not a dilemma. Obey the rules. He’s too young. And if they’re any good they will ask for ID. You won’t be the first parent thinking this is a ‘good idea’. What about running with you or his dad instead?

My 14 yr old plays rugby. There's lots of strength and weight training goes along with that.

But if you're that concerned about him I'd suck up a change of gym for 2 years. Even if it's inconvenient.

I’m less worried about him trying weed again as the conditions he tried them in aren’t going to come about again. I’m more worried about why he tried it. He’s very sensitive and a deep thinker and I think time spent doing anything else (guitar included) will be good for the part of his brain that is hypermentalising. Creativity is powerful essentially. And being good at something will increase his esteem.

I might consider a change in gym but it’s not just inconvenience. It’s also that money is tight and the one I go to is a cheap 24/7 gym and the ones near me that offer a 14 year old to go are more like the ones that are upwards of £50 a month. I just can’t afford that.

I’ve used my older kids details to make a membership and my younger kid 14 has access to it (the older one wouldn’t be seen dead in a gym). It’s the same gym I use she’s perfectly safe. Safer than knocking about in the dark in winter anyway! There’s a tonne of younger kids in there

Please RTWT.

We don’t like running outside but thank you.

His step dad has suggested doing more with him like pool in the evenings and the odd football match when we can so I think that will help also as DS is close to him obviously. Anything to stop him spending too much time alone.

I’ve suggested this before and he didn’t want to but I’m going to suggest it again, great idea.

I also think given I know and use the exact setup you are talking about there’s a lot of people in here getting their knickers in a massive twist. Supervised gyms let younger kids in, these ones don’t as they aren’t staffed. If the kid is going with his actual parents it’s a non issue. Not like you’re letting him loose on an active building site op it’s a few machines. Make sure he knows not to bench on his own etc and there’s no more risk than actually being out hanging around building sites and the likes!

Yes I too have ADHD and it’s been extremely helpful for me! And peri menopause symptoms. Never ever thought I would enjoy the gym 🥱

Local tennis clubs are great value and do junior coaching nights/weekends/half terms it’s a great social sport if he isn’t into things like Rugby. I would suggest a few golf lessons but they are quite expensive as it the kit but golf clubs are a very good place to get a teen distracted!

Controversial I know but I did "round up" for both my sons. They are very tall and were both over 6ft at 15. So I did enrol them in the gym to go with me and said they were 16.
14 maybe is a bit too much of a gap though ?

It is staffed when we go but yes, not at certain times. I’m not going to do it but I’ll speak to the gym staff tonight and see what they say/any suggestions. Likely to just be, “come back in a year and a half” but I’m just trying to consider everything that might help.

Thank you. Yes it is, a year and a half.

He did express an interest in golf a while back so might explore that. Our best friend is a tennis coach but DS is not interested. Although he comes across as confident, he’s actually quite introverted so I think it is the idea of being coached he doesn’t like. Equally he has said no to any lessons or groups of anything.

stupidity in full display from people here urging you to ignore insurance, safety and rules
don't do it op, there are other gyms

My 14 year old goes to the gym....She needed to show her passport to join. She is not allowed in spa bit or to use weights.