How unreasonable would it be to lie about my son’s age so he can join our gym?

[WinoLino]

He’s 14. Getting into things he shouldn’t be getting into a bit. I think the gym would be a great distraction. Me, his dad and his 18 year old sister all go to the gym. It’s aged 16 and up though. I’m a rule follower at all times so I’m not saying we will do it. However, how unreasonable would it be if we were to say he is 16? Is it even possible, thinking they might want to see ID.

He will train only with us and his dad really knows what he’s doing (has spent his whole life training in the gym) so the risk of injury is lessened but of course it’s there nonetheless. Am I not thinking straight?

Could you take up running as a family?

My son joined the gym legitimately at 15 but the gym rules were that he could only be there at certain times and some equipment was not allowed. He decided to go on what he wanted anyway but was quickly told that he couldn't.
As everyone says, it's because of insurance. It's not just that you might sue( you said you wouldn't) but if he had a serious accident there would be an investigation outside your control.

@Anna20MFGme and his father are separated and do not live together. He is a member of two different gyms, one of which I go to with our daughter. The plan was always for our son to join either one really, whichever is most convenient at the time. We were just considering pulling it forward as he has used alcohol and/or weed in the past two months on 3 or 4 occasions.

I’m not sure why you have put “for some reason it’s too inconvenient “. I’ve said the reasons it’s hard to join other gyms. They cost a lot more and are not near where we both live (10 mins from one another). Maybe it’s worth considering at some point but for now I like that my gym is 8 mins away.

Badminton is fun and you could all play together as doubles.

@twinklebiglight that’s reminded me actually that ex DH did talk about taking him to a boxing gym at some point as DH himself used to box. I’ll mention that to him, thank you!

It’s not a dilemma through, is it?
Im sorry if this sounds unkind, but the gym has those rules for a reason. And you will be teaching your son that’s it’s ok to lie to get something he wants. That is a really poor lesson to teach any child. They will probably check ID anyway, but if they don’t and something happens, as he is a child it might be a bigger deal. If they find out he’s 14, then the gym will be in trouble too, whether or not you want that.
So no you shouldn’t do it, it’s not fair on the gym or the other users and sorry but it’s not good patenting to teach your child to lie and then have to keep it going.

@Ted27I do wonder if he does feel excluded although he says not and we don’t all go together on account of us being separated. But even so, I would.

@MollyMollyMandy33It did feel like a dilemma because I really want(ed) him to go and it didn’t feel like a huge issue. But seeing all these perspectives is changing my mind. I’m not too proud to say that I do often change my mind after hearing others. I like to think I’m quite flexible in my thinking.

This. Especially if he’s already getting up to stuff, this would only teach him worse. Also they would absolutely check when you sign him up

I think you have made a wise decision OP. I understand the frustration as my DS wanted to join a sports club when he was 16 but they didn't accept under 18s, but I don't think lying about his age is the way forward for all the reasons people have already mentioned.
If he is getting a guitar I wonder if it's worth looking for any groups he could join related to that? There's a music centre run by volunteers at our local theatre. It's not just classical, there's a sort of rock school part of it and they also do music technology so learn about recording techniques, how to manage the sound at gigs etc. None of my DC ever did it but quite a few of their friends did and it seemed to be viewed as a good thing to do amongst the teenage boys. If you could find something like that it might be helpful. I know it wouldn't physically tire him out like going to the gym would but the structure and discipline of going regularly, opportunity to make new friends with common interests and the possibility of some "cool" adult role models might be good for him?

So rude.

No please don’t do this . A local gym me and my daughter used to be members of used to accept members from 14. But they stopped and put it up to 16 mainly because they were using the jacuzzi and jet pool. You have to be 16 to use those. So they wouldn’t be insured if injured. Find a gym he can join. Our local leisure centre has a junior gym from 8-15.

Could you get him to a kickboxing/ boxing/ other martial arts? They are brilliant for discipline, fitness and there will be age appropriate classes for teens

I understand where you're coming from, but if your 14 year old son is using alcohol and weed that is a massive problem. If you think the answer is getting him involved in the gym then surely it's worth a longer journey/higher membership fee? I'd make the effort in these circumstances.

He's getting into things he shouldn't be. Definitely the best way to deal with this is showing rules don't matter if you don't think they should apply or it's not convenient to abide by them. That should work.

@Canonlythinkofthisone

Why? Just why? You know next to nothing about my son or our lives. I came on asking for some advice about something fairly non-significant that I was considering. Got lots of helpful views and am now not going to sign my son up for the gym.

We don’t need to attend the gym less, I go 3 times a week and my ex husband usually about 4 times a week straight after work which means that he gets home about half an hour after my son from school.

My son is an amazing young person who is funny, bright and kind but just recently has been overthinking a bit which makes him feel sad (his words). Experimenting with alcohol and weed doesn’t make him a bad person or us bad parents but I’m considering all options to help him.

Please try to consider what you are saying before you post things like this on a forum, your words can have a big impact on people, lots of whom are going through very hard things while posting on here.

omg do what you need to!! I've done much worse

You've probably invalidated MN's insurance.

@MrsAvocet yes I think the guitar might be a good shout. He can’t wait! Will look into some groups

@WinoLino what other interests does he have? My girls play chess online. What about the gym you go to already - do they have classes? Swimming?

I’ve decided not to do it, so don’t need more messages telling me not to do it 😁

Also it is really unusual for a 14 year old to try alcohol (not regularly) or weed (again it’s not an actual habit). I’m not saying we are not concerned about it and trying to help him but equally, is it very unusual? (Happy to be told it is) 🤦‍♀️

He is religious but hasn’t found a church he loves. He used to play piano then stopped. He has struggled to really stick at a hobby if I’m honest. His dad does weights with him at his house and he did some fishing in the summer. It’s so much harder in the winter!

I think it is quite unusual, yes. Drinking maybe a bit more normal, but I don't think most 14 year olds who are 'on the straight and narrow' so to speak, are smoking weed 3/4 times over a couple of months. It's a serious problem.

Maybe get him into golf. It’s great for the wee young guys.