Big fall out - who is (most) in the wrong?

[Dibrew]

I would welcome opinions on this situation which is currently playing out.

Person A is a masseuse, working part time evenings out of a leisure centre attached to a secondary school.

Person A told Person B that she had terminated a session with the male partner of Person C. Person A doesn’t know Person C, but she knows Person B is friends with them.

Person B tells Person C of what was said by Person A. The session was terminated due to him offering money towards the end of this for sexual services.

Person C’s partner strongly denies this. Person C accuses Person A of breaking data protection rules and says Person B is attempting to shit stir.

Yeah, you know what would cause an even BIGGER shit storm? If someone told anyone when they’d been raped. So probs better those people keep it to themselves too, eh? Or they’ll get what they deserve.

Oh my actual god. You cannot surely mean what you just said? If so, you really need to take a look at yourself.

I certainly always try my best to react to being sexually harassed at work with professionalism. Otherwise I’d get what I deserve, that’s for sure.

“Other than having someone to confide in”. So, that’s one very good reason indeed, isn’t it? Wasn’t so hard to come up with it.

Yes you really should only tell people who happen to have the same job as you if you’ve been sexually harassed at work. If your mum, sister, best friend etc unfortunately has a different job then absolutely do not tell them.

Absolutely disgraceful. I bet you also tell rape victims are they sure they didn’t ask for it, as it seems suspicious they are complaining after. That’s the kind of person your comment sounds like it came from.

I see the op hasn’t returned to acknowledge there is an upset victim here who’s been harassed at her workplace.

There are actually very few professions which have a duty of confidentiality to their clients and I am not aware that massage is one of them. Whether it is advisable, professional or smart to talk about clients with each other is another issue entirely.

Over and above that, A is in the wrong telling B. This is just gossip. She could have talked to C about his inappropriate behaviour and told him he is not welcome back again.

As for B telling Cs wife - if I heard this I would want my friend to know.

Jesus.

Really.out of order. But should be kept private and not gossiped about.

Surely the place of work has some kind of policy and notices to deal with these kind of sick, low life requests.

Report this man to your management and possibly the Police and get him banned. asap. Dirty little creep.

😻🫰👍

So what is your answer? She could have informed him not to come back. She could have warned the place that she works if he is likely to seek further services in that location. She could have reported to the police. She could have discussed it with someone entirely separate from the situation.

It is not her talking about it at all which is the issue. Its who she talked to.

Does she have the right to tell whoever she wants? Yes. She owes him nothing. But is it smart when you are running a business to handle it this way - no.

What would you like me to say exactly? I’ve laid out the facts as I know them.

Oh look, hundreds of women blaming the woman

fucks sake. ANYONE has the right to shout long and loudly about someone offering money to rape them.

Not to mention demeaning her work, attempting to cheat on his wife, treating a woman doing her work as a sex object.

He won’t be the first husband who has desires he hasn’t shared with his wife.

The accusation is quite precise. Not something you’d make up. And realistically, how many women do you know who’d “try it on” like that?

While B should have gone about it differently, I wouldn’t want to be friends with C if she’s that naive

Since you ask, how about ‘I recognise that there’s a woman who’s a victim here and no woman deserves that while just trying to do their job, and I got too caught up on my friends emotions to think about her at all.’

Yes, I would imagine a lot of men that visit prostitutes do so because of a secret desire they don't feel able to share with their partner. It does make it all the more believable imo. (I know she wasn’t actually a prostitute, he just treated her like one).

I don’t know if there is a “good way” of raising this kind of thing with a friend really.

The person guilty of sexual harassment is OF COURSE most in the wrong. Person A might have been 'unprofessional' to expose the harassment but she was probably stressed and traumatised.

No true at all. What awful, dangerous advice.

Person A shouldn't have trusted person B.

I would like you to say which person you are in the situation. A or B, or C?

They have done if you RTFT.

Edited to say that I agree, the sleaze who got the massage is at fault.

And it is understandable that A would be shocked, but I would have thought that handling difficult or upsetting client reactions should should be something A was prepared for.

B was put in a terrible position.

FWIW, I think A should have made a police report.

Unwise? How unwise would you be if in shock, fear or sickened by a man, who turns out to be a friend of a friend.
she was propositioned by a creep.
she’s not lying
she’s trying to protect other women
shes probably in shock or processing it
believe the woman.

Why should be kept private? For whose benefit? The man’s?

My answer is exactly what you keep saying (but then changing your mind on). She can tell anyone she wants. You say that but then also say she’s in the wrong and it’s bad for business. What is? Letting people know she won’t stand for sexual harassment?! What people would that put off? Harassers? Probably GOOD then?