Big fall out - who is (most) in the wrong?

[Dibrew]

I would welcome opinions on this situation which is currently playing out.

Person A is a masseuse, working part time evenings out of a leisure centre attached to a secondary school.

Person A told Person B that she had terminated a session with the male partner of Person C. Person A doesn’t know Person C, but she knows Person B is friends with them.

Person B tells Person C of what was said by Person A. The session was terminated due to him offering money towards the end of this for sexual services.

Person C’s partner strongly denies this. Person C accuses Person A of breaking data protection rules and says Person B is attempting to shit stir.

Banana and two plums more like !!

The key here isn’t that she told someone about what had happened, the key here is that she named him.

People are saying that’s perfectly ok, that his partner has a right to know, but they’re saying that on the basis that the OP knows the partner. What if she didn’t? Would it be ok then to go around spreading about that John Smith offered to pay her for sex as part of their massage? How far should she be allowed to spread this information without having actually done something about it?

I work in a call centre. Last week I had a customer come through to me and tell me how hot I sounded, and how he would love to have a sweaty session with me <shudder>. I cut that one off pretty sharpish. But how far should I be allowed to go in terms of telling people? I can obviously say here that a customer came on to me on the phone, and people would rightly say what a sleaze he is. But given I don’t know him, should I be allowed to pull his name from the system and make this fact public?

The answer to that is no. And my employer would absolutely not stand for it, because it is a breach of client data i.e. his full name etc. But my employer do have mechanisms to report inappropriate behaviour from customers, be that abuse or threats or in this instance sexual harassment. And our calls are recorded, so my employer does have proof that it happened.

She Works in a profession where sadly this kind of thing is so common. My MIL was an aromatherapist and would get similar requests. But when you go into these professions you do so knowing that this sort of thing will happen. And when it does you need to have mechanisms to deal with it which don’t put you at any further risk.

And yes, it absolutely could damage her business. Because as much as people say that she’s obviously telling the truth, the fact she just spread it about means that nobody actually knows that. And whether we like to admit it or not, it does happen that women make up this stuff. Presumably not often, but just once is enough to make men think twice about going to a masseur who has been spreading it about that x came on to her without actually taking any action, and to actively decide not to go to a woman who has been spreading rumours about her clients and naming them in the process.

Bullshit on all counts]

no woman should cover up men’s shitty behaviour and every woman should want to know if her husband is propositioning women for prostitution services.

Do you really believe that reporting being sexually propositioned at work is 'gossipy and unprofessional'?

I'd be really interested to hear why you think that.

And does it apply to all crimes or just sexual ones? For example, if he'd stolen her phone or scratched her car could she tell people about that?

Nah, and your employer is your issue, this woman is a self employed masseuse and she’s absolutely not got to cover up for perverts; give your head a wobble.

How do you know she hasn't taken any action? Are you A in this scenario?

Realised as soon as I posted I’d got confused 🫤

Statistically, which is more likely though ?

Isn’t asking for a sexual act soliciting and a crime? Gdpr does not protect against criminal acts. I’m disgusted that in all the ops posts she hasn’t acknowledged once that there is a victim here who was harassed at her workplace. Ditto all the comments saying nothing about but gdpr! I hope that poor woman is ok going to work, since she probably needs her job like most people, and it’s great for her mental health that she could tell someone. And if Person C knows now, well she will have to face reality.

Spot on.

Yeah, I was thinking along same lines. You've summarised my thoughts perfectly and concisely there. Cheers!

And fucking lol at Sleaze Man's cock and bull story. She is hurt that he rejected her. Oh, please. I seriously hope C has not bought that.

Quite! Talk about about fouling where you sleep. Propositioning a masseuse for sex at the leisure centre attached to your kids' school is certainly a bold choice.

I think if A reported this to anyone other than her employer or the police, then yes it is gossipy and unprofessional, and if she really wanted to stop him doing the same to someone else, that’s what she should have done. She’s either very naive or thick as mince to think B wouldn’t tell C, which suggests that that’s what she wanted. Not the way to go about it.

This 100%

Not quite, soliciting is illegal and what sex workers are charged with if they are seen approaching people and offering sex for money. The other way around is not illegal.....because usually it is women who offer sex for money and men offering money for sex and who makes the laws?

ETA there are some scenarios in which men offering money for sex is illegal but what this man did was strictly speaking legal. The law is indeed an ass.

Further @99bottlesofkombucha we dont know who the OP is in this scenario. She could be the therapist involved. In fact my hunch is that OP is person A.

I would be fully in favour of her reporting it!

That’s not what she did though, she told a friend of the wife of the client. That’s not the same as reporting.

We don’t even know if it’s true! OP isn’t person A. For all we know, the client’s version is true and person A is acting maliciously? She could be!

The professional thing would be to report it to her employer, not go around making allegations to mutual friends.

Sorry, missed the OPs latest update that she is...Person D!

But having read her last update I stand by my first post in this thread that C doesnt want to accept that her husband is the kind of man who will pay another woman to give him a handjob with a cheeky finger. She wont accept that he is into that because he has never asked her to do it.

I agree, but prepare to be shouted down on this thread! He's a man therefore he must be a sexual predator – no other explanation is allowed to be considered.

I think she probably did want C to find out.

If a man sexually assaulted me, I'd tell his wife.

Why wouldn't you?

Why do you think that being 'professional' comes into the equation when reporting being sexually propositioned? That seems an odd priority given the circumstances.

I don’t think there’s such a thing as masseuse/client confidentiality. Not in law anyway.

Now that's not true is it?!

It's been noted several times that the options are:

1. She's accurately reporting being sexually propositioned in the work place.

OR

1. She's lying.

What isn't a possibility is that she's gossiping. What isn't true is that there is some kind of confidentiality clause or data protection order that prevents her naming her assailant.

Because she has no evidence and for all anyone knows could be lying.

Reporting officially to an employer / Police adds credibility.

Otherwise it can be passed off as malicious. Which is indeed what has happened here.

Going through official channels is better for A. She has been very unwise.

You think making it clear that she’s not interested in offering ‘happy endings’ an, if a client does try that on, their name will be mud “absolutely could damage her business “? I think if I were her I’d take the chance on losing the type of client that would bother.

The rest of it regarding pulling the customer’s information from the system is irrelevant. It doesn’t apply here.

Yes. It would.