To say “no” to the crop tops?!

[DrivingMyselfUpTheWall123]

DD is 12 and is really finding her own style and she knows what she likes. I have one rule - nothing “revealing”. Each to their own but I don’t see a need for crop tops at her age! We’ve just sat down to browse the web and look for some things she can spend some birthday vouchers and money on but everything we see is cropped, bellybuttons everywhere, super tight and even low cut!

What’s worse, is this is what she now wants… previously she’s wanted baggy jumpers and tops with wide leg jeans and joggers so it’s been fairly easy. I’ve tried to steer her towards similar things just longer length but she’s not interested. It’s resulted in her getting frustrated that I keep saying no and what was meant to be a fun shopping spree, has ended with her in a mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have this rule or just super uptight?! Especially if it’s coming from her own money?

It’s winter.

presumably she isn’t going to be wearing them outside without additional layers?

it is the current fashion. It is her money. How revealing are we talking?

At 12 I would be encouraging her to find her style as long as it wasn't something aimed at adults.

My DD bought lots from New Looks teens or she loves and still wears Nike. It's sporty but maybe cropped. It doesn't have to be revealing.

Not unreasonable and I wish more parents made sensible interventions in how their children dress.

What’s your reason for saying no? Why does it matter if her belly button is showing? I strongly believe that everyone (and especially teenagers) should be able to express themselves by wearing whatever they want. If you’re worried about men looking at her - that’s their problem, not hers - and she shouldn’t be punished and made to wear a certain style of clothing because of it.

I bought my first miniskirt aged 12 as they were very much in fashion.

I don't think my mum was particularly thrilled, but at that age she had zero input into my clothing choices.

Why is her stomach/belly button part of her body you don’t want her to reveal and view clothing that shows part of her midriff is too revealing?

I get not wanting low cut/ boobs out, and understand wanting skirt long enough to cover knickers when bend over etc but what’s sexual about a bit of belly?

Where do you stand on shoulders out?!

My mum used to say you can show off your boobs, your belly or your bum - one of those, not two, not three. I stuck by that rule.

I'm in the fence with this as the fashion nowadays does seem to be mostly cropped shirts and jumpers ect + lots of pants/trouses/joggers/jeans/leggings are high waisted nowadays arnt they

My DD is almost 11 and she likes the cropped style tshirts with high waisted jeans or leggings, can barely see her stomach.

I think as long as it's not a boob tube style crop top as I absolutely wouldn't let my dd wear somthing like that

Listen it's just the fashion. It's not sexual. She just thinks it looks cool. And who else but 12 year old girls can actually wear crop tops? No actual woman wants to be wearing those lmao
They were in style when I was that age. Massive baggy trousers with little baby cropped t shirts.
Just let her have one. The trend will quickly pass. It doesn't really matter.
Predatory men do not give a shit what women and girls are wearing. You aren't going to keep safe by covering up. Just a lie to keep the responsibility for male behaviour on women.
A 12 year olds midriff is not sexual.
She just wants to look trendy.
Just let her be and express herself how she wants.

If you’re worried about men looking at her - that’s their problem, not hers -

She's 12 not 20. It absolutely would be a problem of adult men were looking at her in a certain way. Even the thought of an adult man letching over a 12 year old has made me feel angry and disgusted.

Agree with you OP, I know it’s not a fashionable view but our culture teaches girls from an early age to objectify themselves imo and I wouldn’t be helping my 12yr old do that. Feel the same about skincare for children.

My daughter is 15 and has been wearing crop tops for a few years. I can't remember her exact age.
She was cat called walking home from the gym, fully covered in black leggings, a vest top and long sleeved/belly covering running jacket thing.
No makeup and hair all over the place 🤷‍♀️
Whilst I appreciate your reservations clothes are not armour, an extra couple of inches on the bottom of an item of clothing really doesn't make a difference to the lowest of society unfortunately.

Personally I have absolutely no issue with crop tops on children or teens. Its a bit of belly skin. What exactly is being revealed? What is being objectified? Men who look at children sexually will do so no matter what they are wearing and isn't the problem of the child. This is the perfect time for them to experiment with fashion, let her.

I think you're making a bit of an issue out of this. Crop tops with high waisted bottoms hardly show anything. It's not sexual, it's just fashion.

So if she decided that she was going to walk around in lingerie, you'd be OK with that?

If not, why?

I’m surprised she lets you have any say over her clothes at the age of 12 🫣

Listen it's just the fashion. It's not sexual

On non-uniform day when all the girls are in tiny black shorts and crop tops (whatever the weather) and the boys are dressed in comfy t-shirts and joggers, the argument that fashion has nothing to do with sex or the male gaze seems remarkably naive.

Unreasonable, l see where you are coming from OP, but simply from the point of view it’s not worth getting worked up over this one. You will have bigger more important fish to fry without battling over this. Better to prioritise things carefully.

You know full well that lingerie is not culturally appropriate clothing for walking around in outside the house.
Crop tops are.

Would you let your daughter go out wearing a long baggy nightdress? If not, why?

OP - let her buy a crop top or two to "try them out". She'll probably have moved onto the next fashion choice by the time it's actually warm enough to wear them on show.

I think it would be fine if she's wearing it with jeans/leggings and not a short skirt/shorts.

My parents disagreed with me wearing revealing clothes so I would just wear jeans and change in to a short skirt at a friend's.

I'm not saying your daughter would do that but kids are pretty strong willed and sneaky sometimes

I’m dreading this. Doubt I’ll ban them, because I think it’s important to let them make their own choices, but I do have an irrational hatred for crop tops. That’s my problem though, not hers.

I agree with you, OP.

I think people on this thread who are claiming ‘it’s just belly skin’ or ‘just fashion’ should ask themselves why women’s clothes are tailored to reveal more skin than men’s clothes at all. And then of course – why apply this to children’s clothes, unless the objective is so they can feel and look like adults.

It’s all geared to make men look at women’s bodies. All of it. And no, my 12yr old isn’t taking part in that practice either while her clothes are still my decision.

Once they were in high school then I stopped having anything to do with what clothes they spent their money on and wore.

I only bought and paid for things I liked and wanted them to wear, but their birthday money and vouchers and allowance was their jurisdiction.

Many many men have a fetish for school uniform. None of us stop our dds wearing school uniform. My young teen dd was approached by a grown adult man at the station dressed in full length jeans and a massive winter coat. She did nothing wrong, he did.

I felt uncomfortable with some of my dds' choices but I had to examine my feelings why. The last thing I want is to teach them that they are responsible for how men behave around them or that there are bits of their body they should feel worried about other people judging.

I spent my teens in my brothers' oversized clothes, covering my changing body and deeply self conscious and anxious. I love to see my dds happy, healthy, confident and without such hang ups!

Mine too!

Unfortunately fashion is very sexualised, however, the occasional crop top isn't a hill to die on. Unless there is a seismic shift in attitudes in the next couple of years this is something your DD will have to learn to navigate.

Try to separate discussions about the way women and girls are sexualised - and persuaded to accept it - from her specific clothing choices at the moment. Let her join the dots when she's ready.

Plus discussions on different clothes in different contexts, a swimming costume has a different impact on the beach or at a swimming pool than on the high street in winter. There's no reason for anyone to be banned from the latter, but it does convey a different message, so the important thing is that they have chosen the message not done it by accident.