To say “no” to the crop tops?!

[DrivingMyselfUpTheWall123]

DD is 12 and is really finding her own style and she knows what she likes. I have one rule - nothing “revealing”. Each to their own but I don’t see a need for crop tops at her age! We’ve just sat down to browse the web and look for some things she can spend some birthday vouchers and money on but everything we see is cropped, bellybuttons everywhere, super tight and even low cut!

What’s worse, is this is what she now wants… previously she’s wanted baggy jumpers and tops with wide leg jeans and joggers so it’s been fairly easy. I’ve tried to steer her towards similar things just longer length but she’s not interested. It’s resulted in her getting frustrated that I keep saying no and what was meant to be a fun shopping spree, has ended with her in a mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have this rule or just super uptight?! Especially if it’s coming from her own money?

So are you okay with 12/13 year-old girls wearing those short shorts that show your bum cheeks?

My kids are older now, but at age 12 I definitely had some say over their clothes. I was the one with the money and buying them.

I had a no crop top rule with mine until they were both 13. Interestingly, I never had an issue from them about it, but other mothers would actually comment on my “strict” behaviours. And it wasn’t for sexual reasons that I didn’t allow them, I just didn’t like them. And tbh, I still don’t. At 12, I think she can follow your rules, but past that age they can make their own decisions. And it’s impacted both mine differently. I have one at 14 now who still doesn’t wear them, and one at 17 who has just left for college on this freezing morning wearing practically nothing up top. I felt cold for her. So making decisions now for them might or might not determine their fashion in the future.

Crop tops are no here too. We’re a ‘nothing revealing' household. Yes it's men's problem if they sexualise someone but she has her own boundaries.

My DD has a great fashion sense and gets comments all the time on how well she puts outfits together. Nothing revealing in sight. She's a bit older than yours.
I don't understand not still guiding her, including boundaries with clothes tbh. Not having a say at all in her choice of clothes at 12 is a very strange concept to me. It’s another opportunity for discussion/bonding.

I think you can say you aren’t buying them but with her own money no I don’t think you can
it is hard the number of times I have said wear a coat and that skirt is short (16) but clothes are so important at that age
look the fashion is back to the late 1990s early 2000s it is all what we wore back then

It really isn’t ’their problem’. They are the ones who have the power to attack, or intimidate.

A predator is very much the prey’s problem.

If she is spending her own money then you should not tell her how to spent it if you want to get the most out of the learning experience . Especially on something legal like a crop top.
make it forbidden fruit makes it more alluring too.
you can have a rule about what you will spend your money on
and another rule about what is suitable to visit granny / go for dinner / other family events.

and then let her work out her own fashion style.

she may hate them. Impractical and cold.

Great time of year to try one!!!!!! Might put her off them…..

I wonder why clothing aimed at 12 year old boys isn’t as miniscule as that aimed at 12 year old girls? I’ve never seen a boy in a crop top or in shorts that show his bum cheeks. I wonder why?
The sexualisation of young girls is grim.

It isn’t EVERYTHING. This isn’t my daughter nor her close friends’ styles and they manage to buy clothes from the usual high street and online retailers.

When I was 12 I had an allowance which covered my clothing - the only time my parents had any say over it was when they were taking me shopping for my birthday or Christmas.

Why wouldn’t that be okay?

I agree. Let her buy the crop tops, but have that discussion about appropriate dress for the occasion.

"Would you wear it at a funeral?", "non-uniform day at school?"

Then widen the discussion. "Why do the school say no crop tops, no spaghetti straps, no short shorts etc", "I wonder why the boys don't wear crop tops (and tiny shorts)?"

So crop tops were ok once they started developing breasts?

Belly dancers wouldnt agree

Err cos presumably she's buying it?

Err, birthday vouchers and money.

Which I find surprising - at 12 I had an allowance and was buying all my own clothes except for necessities.

It’s not unreasonable. Unfortunately men do se*ualise young girls, and dressing in revealing clothing may be normalised but it makes girls a target. Be consistent in the boundary so it doesn’t become an ongoing battle

I mean by child is 12 and she does have tops that show her tummy
But it's up to you
However there are still lots of tops out there that don't show any tummy so I'm not sure why you're not finding any

Can you not even bring yourself to type the word sexualised?

2 DDs here… the standard fashion regardless of how cold it is at the moment is baggy jeans, crop top and then oversized hoody or cardigan
Some do the shirt as a layer
Some do a jacket (bomber/leather types) as a layer
but crop tops/vest tops are the standard

Weve tried to do a ‘bit too much flesh at once ‘ approach- so no mini skirt & crop top looks but otherwise I think it really is the fashion and your DD will want to ‘fit in’

Dressing in a cropped top won’t make a girl a target (although unfortunately school uniform often does). Men sexualise girls because they’re pigs, not because there’s 1.5cm of stomach showing.

Of course YANBU she's only 12. She should dress respectfully. Same reason we don't want our sons sagging their trousers.

I'm probably from a very different culture and faith to you, but we don't allow this sort of this at all. And especially not at 12!

Mine is 13. She has a crop top that she wears to the gym (it's part of a three piece set) and another set with a cropped jumper, but she wears it with a t-shirt underneath.

I'm not a lover of crop tops on young girls either, but very much of the 'dress for the occasion' school of thought.

I'm the same and I'm atheist.