To say “no” to the crop tops?!

[DrivingMyselfUpTheWall123]

DD is 12 and is really finding her own style and she knows what she likes. I have one rule - nothing “revealing”. Each to their own but I don’t see a need for crop tops at her age! We’ve just sat down to browse the web and look for some things she can spend some birthday vouchers and money on but everything we see is cropped, bellybuttons everywhere, super tight and even low cut!

What’s worse, is this is what she now wants… previously she’s wanted baggy jumpers and tops with wide leg jeans and joggers so it’s been fairly easy. I’ve tried to steer her towards similar things just longer length but she’s not interested. It’s resulted in her getting frustrated that I keep saying no and what was meant to be a fun shopping spree, has ended with her in a mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have this rule or just super uptight?! Especially if it’s coming from her own money?

Men who sexualise young girls do so because they are disgusting - it has nothing to do with clothes.

Some people have firewalls and content filters.

@Isittimeformynapyetwhat a gross comment. I hadn’t even thought about my children’s breasts! I thought about their age and their maturity, their ability to make informed choices. If you think about your children’s breasts, there’s something wrong with you!

Crumbs. What do people in Essex, Sussex and Middlesex do?

If we take it to the extreme should it be socially acceptable to walk around the streets in just underwear because "body positivity".

I feel for some reason for girls they want to show off all their bits when they "dress up for a night out".

Whereas the guys instead will dress up by wearing a smart shirt and nice trousers.

How very MN.

Girls in school uniform is a very popular fetish for many perverts. There are whole internet sites and sex shops around this theme. Do we stop our daughters wearing school uniform?

Women and girls are not abused because of what they are wearing. What they wear does not give men any permission or justification to sexualise or abuse them.

If you follow that logic then all females are fair game at a swimming pool or athletics match. All female patients are just asking for it in a hospital, especially if they're in a theatre gown without underwear!

You do not become a target because of what you are wearing, any more than wearing a full length skirt and thick woolly tights stops you being raped.

Remember though that “granny” could well be of the Woodstock and Sgt Pepper generation and once a teenager on the pill rather than playing “White Cliff of Dover” on a wind up gramophone.

Have decent network/content filtering software.

(Scunthorpe and Twatt pose particular issues. 🫢)

🤣

When we’re talking about cropped tops for teens, unless we’re talking about sports wear, isn’t it something like this? High waisted jeans with a cropped top. Most teens are not showing loads of midriff like we would have done in the 90s with the low rise jeans.

I actually don't think crop tops are too revealing. My 14 year old wears them a lot with wide leg jeans, I wouldn't say it looks revealing.

I would say nothing too low or skirts too short but would allow crop tops.

Exactly how my daughter dresses 😂

I think its important to ask yourself "why" 5 times and really think about the answers.

Why can't she have one? It's revealing.
Why is that a problem? Men might look at her.
Why is that a problem? Because she's 12
Why is your daughter having to change her behaviour to deter perverts? Because it keeps her safe.
Why is saying no to a crop top the solution to the problem?

Personally I'd look at how to keep your daughter safe without making it her responsibility to manage mens behaviour at 12 yo. Keep her with an adult, in a group, at safe places, monitor her comms channels, pick her up and drop her off so you know (roughly) where she is.

I'd try to get out of the fence and climb onto it if I was you.

That is so fucking sad. I'm relieved to only have a boy. You are right, she's worried about others reactions to the clothes her daughter wants to wear.

Advocating for little girls to wear revealing clothing which culturally has sexual connotations is really stomach churning and I feel very strongly that it's unlikely you are a mother. You sound more like a predatory man, trying to normalise the sexualisation of our kids.

@Fargo79I suspect this of @Isittimeformynapyet. Some rather disturbing comments on this thread, made my stomach churn actually.

Honestly, I wish bodies were seen just as vehicles for us to travel through life, with no one blinking an eye at however much is exposed or hidden. Though for hygiene reasons I would prefer that pants be worn. But. Male predators are a problem. Our culture does sexualise women and girls, even young girls. Which is a problem. So whilst I do allow my almost 12 year old to wear crop tops, I also consider the whole outfit, like others do. As for what is “suitable to wear to grandma’s house”, grandma was a nudist hippy so that’s really not an issue 😂

Remember wearing a sari often reveals your tummy!

"Why not?

"Because I said so"

Or is that not allowed any more?

My "kids" are 23 and 24 now, even they seem to have been brought up in a different era. Internet was big a bit later in their childhood I guess.

I have just looked back through their comments. There was the one comment challenging the poster (was it you) as to why cropped tops were allowed once a girl had started developing breasts, which is think was a fair comment. Their other comments are just about place names/ firewalls.

Are you offended by belly buttons?

What if those girls are keen athletes or gymnasts and those clothes are the most functional to facilitate movement?

What do you think about girls turning up to parkruns in nike pros? They're in a public park. Should they have to wear tracksuit bottoms and impede their performance and physical comfort incase there are perverts there (let's face it, there will be perverts there). What about girls on play equipment in parks, wearing shorts under skirts? Are the shorts not long enough?

Is it only skin that's an issue? So if they wear v tight leggings that show their whole shape but it's not their skin, that's not revealing? Or do they also need to wear something baggy and long too?

What about young girls on the beach in the summer? Should they only wear kaftans or wetsuits all the time? Go in the water with them on? Or should we bring back wheeled bathing huts?

All crop tops are not equal. I wouldn't allow my young daughter to wear a very short, tight crop top paired with low rise leggings for example. But my daughter does wear those boxy/baggy crop tops with high waisted loose fit jeans so there's not actually any belly on show.

As another PP has pointed out, you only have to look at the way girls v boys dress on non-uniform day or the weekend to see the impact of the male gaze and normalisation of the sexualisation of girls bodies via culturally inappropriate clothing becoming mainstream. Girls bodies have always been sexualised by men. Now we've got parents who are promoting the acceptance of it in our culture by dressing their girls like mini adults. That's not been the case in previous decades. The crop tops I wore as a kid in the 90s were worn with high waisted bottoms and usually plastered with Disney characters or cartoon flowers. They weren't adult-coded.