To say “no” to the crop tops?!

[DrivingMyselfUpTheWall123]

DD is 12 and is really finding her own style and she knows what she likes. I have one rule - nothing “revealing”. Each to their own but I don’t see a need for crop tops at her age! We’ve just sat down to browse the web and look for some things she can spend some birthday vouchers and money on but everything we see is cropped, bellybuttons everywhere, super tight and even low cut!

What’s worse, is this is what she now wants… previously she’s wanted baggy jumpers and tops with wide leg jeans and joggers so it’s been fairly easy. I’ve tried to steer her towards similar things just longer length but she’s not interested. It’s resulted in her getting frustrated that I keep saying no and what was meant to be a fun shopping spree, has ended with her in a mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have this rule or just super uptight?! Especially if it’s coming from her own money?

I am really on the fence about this. I absolutely hate shopping for my daughters (who are much younger) because of how skimpy I find young girls' clothing. However, I have always had really wide hips, and wearing longer tops makes me look so much bigger. I have always been self-conscious and as a teen felt much better in slightly cropped tops that I feel evened out my proportions. However, I wouldn't have worn them with low-rise jeans, etc. It would have been high waisted.
I think looking at the outfit as a whole and how it would make her feel is really important at her age.

I was a teenager in the 90s and wore low rise jeans and small cropped tops. There was a lot of belly on show- so much more than now. Also, the bonus points for having the thong above the jeans. I’d if course leave the house in a baggy jumper to take off when getting into the night club at 16.

Context is key. Let's not pretend we don't understand cultural norms or the fact that some clothing has sexual connotations, because the faux naivety makes it impossible to have a sensible discussion. Sports crops and shorts worn in a gym during a gym class, or doing parkrun at the park don't have the same connotations as sports crops and shorts worn in the street as casual wear. We all understand that certain clothes are suitable in certain circumstances and not others. None of us would wear our pyjamas to work.

Obviously no it's not "skin" that's the issue. It's dressing little girls in clothing which culturally is sexualised or adult-coded in a way that is inappropriate. Minnie Mouse swimsuit on the beach? Obviously fine, normal and appropriate. Spandex triangle bikini top on a five year old at the Westfield centre? Clearly not OK. We all know which clothing is designed for the male gaze and which is not, and how context and circumstance comes into play. I think adults who pretend that they don't understand this, with the aim of changing culture to normalise little girls wearing adult-coded, sexualised clothing are extremely problematic.

@NerrSnerri don’t think associating cropped tops with breast development is a fair comment at all. I think it’s gross. Girls develop breasts at all different ages. My choice to allow crop tops at 13 was nothing to do with whether they had breasts or not, it was to do with their maturity and ability to make informed choices. Anyone who thinks about their own child’s breasts is rather disturbing to me.

Really can’t get upset about a teen showing their tummy. It’s just a stomach, not a private part. My DD’s are 13 and 14 and love a crop top with baggy trousers, it’s been fashionable for years. I know I wore them at their age and probably younger tbh. Distinctly remember wearing one when I was about 5/6 because I loved Sporty Spice.

OPs daughter is 12. Not a 16 year old.

The take away from this, of course is that we need to be teaching boys better. If a 12 year old girl can wear a cropped top at the gym without being looked at sexually, she should be able to wear the same walking down the street. It’s the men’s behaviour that needs to change, not the girls. What worries me is that the more emphasis we put on saying to girls ‘you can’t wear that because the poor men might get turned on’ means the brothers are listening and thinking that’s how it should be.

That is true- but in my world in the 90s the girls were dressed like adults. So much more than my daughter’s friends (who are all turning 12 now). My point is that the 90s was certainly not an innocent time, that’s why teenage pregnant rates were so much higher then.

Parent to a 13 year old and sports coach to a load of 13/14 year old girls … my advice would be to pick your battles and don’t try to police her body or clothing choices.
It’s fashion, it’ll change, and it’s winter so she will probably end up wearing something over it anyway.

My kids are way too young for this to be an issue and I do hope the 'trend' has passed by the time they get to that stage and I also think crop tops look awful, but how about a compromise and say she can have a sporty one for exercise (obviously not school PE), like park run, athletics, gym or whatever else she does, but not for walking around town in.
I don't get kids - it's freezing out there. Why does she want a crop top hahaha

The crop top/Massive baggy jeans or joggers is THE look right now for that age grp.

Have you ever been to Newcastle?

It’s is freezing, and yet my 15 year old DS and mates seem incapable of wearing their coats! The worst thing in the world for 15/16 year old boys right now apparently is being known to own a coat…
Just let them all get on with it. Oh, and take plenty of pics so you can all have a laugh about it in 10 years or so! It was ever thus with teens.

have you actually observed this or is it just hearsay? When we have non-uniform days (big standard comp) all the kids, boys and girls, are in jeans, T-shirts and hoodies. 90s and 2000s looks are very much in.

Right?! 😂 My 13yo will resist even wearing a jumper/hoodie let alone an actual coat. And as for nights out, coats are illegal.

Coat phobia!! I get it, I'm a teacher and see the kids come in sometimes in just their school shirts when it is -2. Crazy!

Is a crop top standard dress even for shovelling snow? Brilliant. We need the laugh emoji back for these daft teenagers with non existent body temperature regulators.

It does happen though, I can remember I was 11 shopping with my mum, and we both noticed men giving me a second look, I was wearing ordinary clothes, she was getting quite cross about it, as we were in a busy town.

i remember the exact age, as I was about to start the Senior school, and hadn't yet been persuaded by my older sister to cut off my long hair… ( stupid me, everyone had long hair still, and she had just been jealous, as she had cut hers )

I was letched at - at the age of about 12 onwards ( pretty, developed boobs) by random grown men while wearing my SCHOOL UNIFORM. And it was a very tradition uniform, which included a tunic that covered everything, tie, shirt, jumper, blazer, tights and brogues.
I still remember how angry it made me feel. And helpless to do anything about it.

Some men are just vile, regardless of what a child is warring.

i depends how it’s put together but I haven’t got an issue with it. A crop top, baggy tracksuit trousers and an unzipped hoodie is quite cute and standard 12 year old outfit no?

strappy crop top, cycling shorts I’d be less keen

Fucking hell what a depressing view of the world.

what's inherently disrespectful about a bellybutton? ok I'd say no to the ones that are basically bras but that's because they're basically bras!! but I loved my belly baring tops when I was young. it felt less stuffy than everything tucked in, less overwhelming than everything hanging down past my bum. it's a stomach.

Of course it happens but it has nothing to do with clothing and everything to do with those particular men being disgusting pigs.

I'd let her wear what she wants.
But you need to have a proper grown up conversation around why you are reluctant to let her wear skimpy clothes. She doesn't need to feel responsible for the behaviour of men and boys, but unfortunately she does need to be aware that she is likely to get unwanted attention and how to deal with that.

To add, choose your battles with teens and near teens with care. You’ll have a mix of negotiables and non negotiables. If you battle too hard on the lesser things, the big issues become more of a problem.

if you have made a decision and you are checking on here to confirm it was the right one, it probably isn’t.