To say “no” to the crop tops?!

[DrivingMyselfUpTheWall123]

DD is 12 and is really finding her own style and she knows what she likes. I have one rule - nothing “revealing”. Each to their own but I don’t see a need for crop tops at her age! We’ve just sat down to browse the web and look for some things she can spend some birthday vouchers and money on but everything we see is cropped, bellybuttons everywhere, super tight and even low cut!

What’s worse, is this is what she now wants… previously she’s wanted baggy jumpers and tops with wide leg jeans and joggers so it’s been fairly easy. I’ve tried to steer her towards similar things just longer length but she’s not interested. It’s resulted in her getting frustrated that I keep saying no and what was meant to be a fun shopping spree, has ended with her in a mood.

Am I being unreasonable to have this rule or just super uptight?! Especially if it’s coming from her own money?

If you mean a slightly cropped T shirt I wouldn't mind. Those other things that look like sports bras would be a no from me @DrivingMyselfUpTheWall123

12 is a child. She should not be over-sexualised with crop tops for her own mental health and well being. Also, it's cold.
Hard no.
Let's teach our daughters some self respect.
(I have 2 daughters btw... 10 & 12... they dress appropriately out of choice)

Why does wearing a crop top mean you don’t have self respect?

Aren't you all worried about men leering?

Men will leer no matter what girls wear.

Especially when in school uniforms 🤮

Even so, you then wouldn't be okay with them wearing extremely short skirts would you?

What a weird response!

You havent seen young girls walking round then with them on?

Other weekend a big event in a town we visited, was starting at around 730ish, kids were coming into town from around 5ish, girls getting off the bus, cropped tops up round the band of their bras, short skirts, no coats, gloves, scarf etc. So had a couple of hours before the event started anyway and then they wouldnt have been able to get back until around 11 as the roads close off

It was around 7 degrees.

Why is it weird?

I do understand why you're reluctant but I think there comes a point where they need to start exploring their own sense of style and for most, that does include a phase where they push boundaries and want to look 'grown-up'. I also think that the more you make a big deal of it, the more she'll want to wear them, so I would choose my battles and let her get on with it.

I’ve actually observed this. This summer. It was pretty horrible tbh.

I don't disagree with some of what you are saying.

But you are.missing the point that those who believe clothing makes girls a target can't rely on context to mitigate.

If wearing very short shorts 'makes you a target' then that also applies to the settings in which that clothing is co text appropriate. Those settings are not necessarily private and are very often public ie parkrun and leisure centres.

My point is that girls are targets of predatory males because of the males' behaviours, not what they're wearing.

As soon as you assert that what someone is wearing plays into their risk of assault or abuse, you direct blame where this is none and shift responsibility.

And I will say again- girls in school uniform is one of the most popular porn and fetish categories and yet every sk gle.school near me has a kilt (a la Britney) as standard.

You can view my nuanced discussion as problematic.

I view simplistic belief that if only girls are covered up enough they are safe from predatory male behaviour or somehow less to blame if assaulted as wrong and problematic too.

Thank you all for your responses. I (perhaps naively!) didn’t expect such a large response but it’s all food for thought… We’re going to have a chat again later and see where we land