AIBU??? WhatsApp chat drama!

[PuffPastry84]

Right, apologies in advance because this is going to be long but I need some perspective because my head is spinning and I genuinely can't work out whether I'm being unreasonable and overly sensitive. With school tomorrow I can't even begin to describe how nervous I feel.

DS is in year 3 and I get on fine with most of the mums. In our playground we have the four mums who are always front and centre of organising things. The leader of them is a nice enough lady but she does have a mean streak in her which occasionally comes out.

Last week there was a Mum's Night Out planned for the Friday night. It was meant to be tapas followed by drinks. It had been mentioned in the playground that week but I wasn't really interested. Nothing came of it on the class group chat, so I assumed it was just an idea in passing. However it happened but it seems only a select chosen few went. It's not my business and adults can choose who to socialise with, but if anything it would have been the four main mums but it turned out to be a group of 12. So, it was hardly an intimate gathering amongst friends. The morning after the night out I went into the group chat to double-check something, and I saw a load of messages saying "hope everyone got home okay last night!" and loads of photos of those who went. I put a comment saying "looks like a great night!" but then my friend (whose DS is in the same class as mine) says "nice that you included everyone". That message got ignored but apparently at football practice this morning two of the dads were laughing about "group chat soap operas" which means that the situation has escalated somewhat.

Has anyone else had a situation like this? I'm dreading the playground tomorrow because obviously my friend has made that comment which has started all of this.

you’re overthinking it! A few heart emojis on the pics and saying “another mums night after Christmas would be great” and leave it at that. Not everyone gets invited to everything, but saying you want to do it again as it looked good means they’re likely to remember you.

there are almost certainly mum WhatsApp groups off the main class group. I found out about one the other day for theatre trips! A lovely little group had been discreetly nipping off to the ballet and opera and not inviting the whole class 😂
So maybe your class has similar and organised through that group rather than thinking to invite the whole class, it’s nothing sinister just a bunch of people who see each other twice a day every day become friends….

I agree. Op is no friend to this woman (whom sounds great to be fair! Love the idea of her having a ‘face on her’) why should she put up with it?

You are overthinking it. It is shitty behaviour though from the other mums. By putting the pics and photos on the main chat they have made it clear that some people, who may have wanted to go (ie your friend), were excluded. They are obviously trying to make themselves look like the “cool girls” who get to say who can hang out with them. Both spiteful and immature.

So why did they post their pics on the main group chat then instead of the secret one. Op stop worrying about a bunch of mums who do sound a tad mean , over your mate. So what if they thing you both commeneted together. They dont sound like the best bunch. I know i went thru the same issues at primary with one of mine. Two leaders who picked and chose.. unless it was a collection for a gift. Then suddenly they liked everyone. Seriously there was no drama if no one replied to you both on the chat, so these women have clearly gone off to chat privately once again. Don't give it a second thought.

Your incorrect. According to OP, it was mentioned in the main group and the friend expressed interest, the group then went quiet and the private group set up… without said friend in it? That’s not shitty behaviour? Crikey!

This isn’t going to happen

Are you 15?

That is NOT going to happen!

But they are grown women. Not girls.

I know! They are making themselves look ridiculous and the OP is really overthinking all of it

I'd be wary OP that your apparent desperate need to have these women in your life and to approve of your existence is causing you to consider throwing a good/decent friend under the bus.

I'd have a really good think about this because if you do this and your friend gets ostracised then what will you be left with?- a bunch of cliquey women who dont seem to give a toss about you.

If I ever feel left out I organise a different yet better event myself. Works really well. Success is the best revenge.

You are going to need a thick skin if you are in a large friendship group. There will be offshoot groups it’s inevitable. It’s not necessarily personal. The benefits outweigh the negatives for me but it’s not for everyone.

Our mum group is still going strong the kids are at uni and mostly no longer friends with each other but it’s brilliant having local friends to do stuff with.

Why are people even in group chats like this?? Who cares

You are not entitled to be invited to other adults social events unfortunately! There is not a policy of inclusion.

Just to add, as you seem worried about these PTA mums, all the kids that people were less inclined to hang out with had the PTA mums, nobody fun really did. The more secure parents who seemed to be cooler and had kids who were more confident, had more going on than the PTA. Concentrate on you and your own kid's confidence.

it’s mainly so I don’t miss important notices regarding non-uniform days, lost PE kits etc.

You didn’t want to go anyway so what’s the problem 😵‍💫

God , it. Sounds suffocating. Why would anyone want to spend time with people they'd met in the playground . Really I don't see what you're worried about , you didn't seem to want to go ? A group of 12 women gives plenty if opportunity for some serious bitching 🙄 .

Not your circus, not your monkeys. And a non event.

Then why are you treating it so seriously and bending to some apparent hierarchy? Anyone would think it’s you that was in year 3. If you really wanted to say anything in the group chat, heart reacting the photos or a casual “looks like a great night! Maybe next time I’ll come after all” would suffice. You’re imagining drama where there isn’t any.

Exactly this.
Some people thrive on the power play of being the organisers of everything, some people thrive on the self-imposed martyrdom, and some just step up to try to make things work. Whichever camp they fall into, the leavers event has to be open to all.

I'm sure before OPs child gets to year 6 there will be a raft of petty squabbles and sniping among the big 4 players. At the time it all seems so important, but looking back (my DC is now in high school), it's all so trivial.

Sorry op but this level of projection and overthinking isn’t healthy. If the group chat is causing you this much angst you need to step away from it.

Anything can happen in 3 years, and if you get this distressed over something so trivial you’re in for a world of pain going forward.

I’m really not trying to belittle your feelings but you have to get some perspective here.

You did well to stay out of it. Tell your friend that if she’d like to organise something with Mums she likes then you’d be happy to join her. Leave out the prima donnas. One of the nice things about your children reaching secondary school age is never having to associate with these women again.

I think you’re over thinking this. Sending a message saying you don’t agree will only
make it worse.
Weve had far worse on our chat. No children have ever been excluded as a result.

There is literally no drama here.