AIBU to not want to do a with a 3-5 HR stop over with a 1.4 yr old and a 3.3 yr old for my MIL 60th birthday party?

[Banderz]

AIBU to not want to do a 22 hour journey with my 1.4 yr old and a 3.3 yr old for my MIL 60th birthday party?

My husband's family live on the other side of the world with the journey consisting of a 1 hour's drive to the airport, then a 7hr 15 minutes flight, followed by a layover of 2.5-3hrs, then a 6hr 30 min flight to our destination, followed by a 45 minute drive. So a 18 hour journey, not counting arriving a few hours before the flight for check in and then going through baggage collection at the end. Most of the times we have done the trip it ends up being more like 22-23 hours.
It will then be around 30 degrees temperature and 70% humidity at that time of year.

Our children will be 1.4 and 3.3 yrs old at the time of flying.

My husband really wants to go for his mum's 60th birthday and gets upset with me if I say it'll be too much to go when they are that age and at the hottest time of year for their country. I suggested going when our youngest is 4 - 6 months old as thats when we took our first, as they can sleep in the bassinet for a lot of the journey, but he has put so much importance on not missing her birthday party that he won't take that as a compromise. He said, what if something was to happen to my mum and we didn't go for her 60th? She has no health conditions fyi!

Can he go on his own? Doesn't sound great for the rest of you

As a 60 year old, I don't even understand the need for a birthday party at all.
But..... if your husband is so keen to go, why can't he just go on his own? It's the obvious solution.

Let him go on his own. I wouldn't want to he travelling that far with little ones

Let him go on his own. If he insists that the children cannot miss it, I’d tell him he’s free to take them by himself

If you marry someone with family on the other side of the world this is part of the deal. Do it with good grace. You might not have many years left with her - he’s right! Say you go and visit every two years - that’s potentially only 10 more times he’s going to see his mum…

Id say he should go on his own

Yes

Could he take the 3 year old and you stay at home with the baby?

Would she do it if the boot was on the other foot.

The obvious solution is that he goes on his own.

If he really kicks off about the kids not being there I'd suggest he take the kids too. I think the reality of doing that journey alone with the two kids will persuade him that it's better he goes alone. Or maybe he just takes the older one and you stay at home with the baby.

I think you should go. Has his mum even met your youngest?
When you marry someone whose family are on the other side of the world, this is what you hsve to do.

I’m with him, please go, the kids will be fine. You never know when opportunities are snatched from you, life changes in an instant. If you can afford to go then take the opportunity

I agree with this 100%. And I would hate every second of that journey.
If it was your mother? And your family? Then what??

Agree. Life experiences teach you that.

When was the last time you went over to see his family?

I think this is the reality for people who have family all around the world.

Children are fairly versatile travellers and it’s easier and cheaper to travel now rather than when restricted to school holidays.

Can you make more of a holiday of the journey? Break it somewhere you’d like to go and stay for a couple - few days? Maybe different places on the way there and back?

We did UK to NZ for FILs 70th and again for MILs 80th. That’s a long way with babies and young children, and longer than the trip you are talking about, but we dealt with it. There are people on here that get in a flap about a 3 hour flight, though …….

To be honest, I'm only a few years younger than your MIL & I'd be happily offering to visit you a few weeks ahead of my birthday.

I'd have a day/night in the layover country to break the travel up a bit, but I'd be fine - & I definitely wouldn't want to inflict the journey on my toddler dgc, or their parents.

Then I'd let you, or rather my ds, spoil me rotten with a very nice dinner in honour of my 60th, & bugger off back home to enjoy my party with my friends & more local relatives.

Would your DH/mil go for that?

Why can't he go on his own? If he whinges then it's tough shit. No way I'd be doing what you've described..not a chance.

That’ sounds like a nightmare, especially knowing you’ve got to do it again to get home!

If you marry someone from another country this is part of the deal, and a 60th birthday is as good a reason as any to make the trip. Yes it’s a long journey, but he’s not asking you to go every month.

When did you last visit?
I'd go. In my experience (DH also family a long way away), 3 ish is the hardest. You'll be waiting a long while yet if you put it off until it's easier. It's not a fun journey, but it's what we signed up for.
Or at least encourage him to go alone if he wants to.

This really. Unless he’s happy to go on his own?

Stay overnght in the layover