AIBU to not want to do a with a 3-5 HR stop over with a 1.4 yr old and a 3.3 yr old for my MIL 60th birthday party?

[Banderz]

AIBU to not want to do a 22 hour journey with my 1.4 yr old and a 3.3 yr old for my MIL 60th birthday party?

My husband's family live on the other side of the world with the journey consisting of a 1 hour's drive to the airport, then a 7hr 15 minutes flight, followed by a layover of 2.5-3hrs, then a 6hr 30 min flight to our destination, followed by a 45 minute drive. So a 18 hour journey, not counting arriving a few hours before the flight for check in and then going through baggage collection at the end. Most of the times we have done the trip it ends up being more like 22-23 hours.
It will then be around 30 degrees temperature and 70% humidity at that time of year.

Our children will be 1.4 and 3.3 yrs old at the time of flying.

My husband really wants to go for his mum's 60th birthday and gets upset with me if I say it'll be too much to go when they are that age and at the hottest time of year for their country. I suggested going when our youngest is 4 - 6 months old as thats when we took our first, as they can sleep in the bassinet for a lot of the journey, but he has put so much importance on not missing her birthday party that he won't take that as a compromise. He said, what if something was to happen to my mum and we didn't go for her 60th? She has no health conditions fyi!

Surely it’s not just a party, it also your dh seeing his family and getting to spend time with them. I think you are minimising by saying it’s just a party.

I think whether you go or no would depend on when you last saw them.

How long are you going for? If a few days, no way. Of a few weeks, no problem.

Children are fine at that age … my SILs family are on Oz and we are in the UK. They used to travel out when the kids were that age. I think iIs something you have to expect when you have children with someone, who’s family live on the other side of the world.

People do these trips, all the time.

You just don’t want to go .. don’t pin it on the kids.

I’d go

We have gone every year since we first met, last time we went was in January when our daughter was 6 months old. I am expecting our next child in early summer. I speak to my MIL on video every few days for 20 minutes so she gets to have a close bond that way so I do care a lot about the relationship. They last visited us just 2 months ago. They will also be staying for 4 weeks when our youngest is born this summer.
My suggestion was for us to go when our next born is 6 months old instead of when they are crawling/walking not able to sit still and in those difficult toddler years they can come and stay with us for as long as they like. We just would miss the 60th birthday. I'd be happy for my husband to go with our oldest as people have suggested.

This. The birthday ‘do’ should be all about MIL. Unless she wants to show off her grandkids leave her to it for the party and go another time. DH can go on his own, but if it were me I’d want to celebrate with friends and family separately.

lots of tips on here about how to manage the journey.

But not on his own?

I think he should go alone or with eldest. No need for you and toddler to go.

Yes YABU, loads of people do these trips all the time with kids that age, myself included. Just suck it up and stop being dramatic, it’s not an unreasonable ask on your husband’s side assuming he’s going to be doing his 50% in terms of looking after the kids on the flight etc.

Can you not make a holiday of it and stay longer? No way I’d fly that far for a weekend.

As a 60 year old, I don't even understand the need for a birthday party at all.
That's a bit miserable!
I absolutely loved having my friends and family around for a great party for my 60th. It was fabulous 👌

I'm confused by the timeline. Is the party in like 2 years time? In which case, that's plenty of time to plan and manage a trip with a toddler.

Can your DH not go by himself?

They are staying with you for 4 weeks when your baby is born??? You deserve a medal. Let him go alone!

Wait, is the party in October / November 2027?! That is a crazy amount of forward planning!! I know you’ll have to book flights but still….

Yes I think your are being unreasonable. It’s a milestone birthday, you have married and had children with someone who has family on the other side of the world surely you must have realised travelling to see them would be on the cards for special occasions

DHs family live in Australia and we have been doing the trip every year (apart from covid times) since my first child was 2 months old (hes 11 now).
I sometimes fly there a second time alone with the kids so that they can grow up knowing their grandparents as much as possible at that distance.
I really dont think your husband is asking too much if he wants to see hos mother for her 60th birthday.
Flying with kids isnt a problem at all. Bring lots of snacks, books, and hope the 3 year old watches movies. Its tiring to fly at that age, but once youre there you can relax. I cant really sleep well on planes, so when the kids were smaller and needed entertainment I would fully take care of it and DH was on kid duty when we arrived to give me some time to recover.

Maybe make a holiday out of it and stay a couple weeks to make the flight worthwhile.

Presumably it’s a connection in Dubai and at least one leg is overnight? If so, can you choose flights that have a shorter connection and use the hour or so to stretch your legs and for the kids to let off steam. You’ll probably find the kids sleep for at least one leg.

I’ve done those sort of flights with DC multiple times at various ages and its always fine.

I would book the 1.5 year old their own seat and not have them on your lap the whole way.

It’s clearly a big deal for your DH and it sounds like you have 12+ months to prepare for it, so YABU.

He would refuse to go on his own

So you want to go earlier on the year? And he wants to go later ?

Oh I see.

Thanks for the kind message!

Why?

If you read my full message I asked if we could go when the baby was 4-6 months old so it's manageable. I've been going every year.
Thanks for the kind message

Yes, it will be more manageable with a babe in arms and a toddler rather than 2 toddlers - and the temperature and humidity for the kids will be more comfortable