Aibu to expect ex to shower DC after swimming?

[Sprogonthetyne]

Before I raise it with him, just checking if this falls into 'different parenting' or if it's a resonable objection. He sees the kids two Sundays a month and quite often takes them swimming, the children enjoy it, so all good there. However I'm getting increasingly annoyed that DS is coming back smelling of chlorine, which means I need to fit baths into the already quiet rushed tea, homework, bed routine after they get back.

If I take them swimming I always take shampoo and shower the kids as soon as they get out, so to me it's just part and parcel of taking kids swimming. I'd never leave chlorine on myself, as I don't want dry skin or damaged hair, so it wouldn't occur to me not to do the same for the kids. However he doesn't seem to see it a necessary.

I have raised this before, but with enthuses on DD, who has long, curly, tangle prone hair, so the previous conversation focused on how tangled he her was getting from been left to dry with chlorine in it, and that it wasn't fair to her to not wash and brush it after swimming. I thought this would be enough to prompt him to just put shampoo in the swim bag, but instead he has started taking them back to his flat and washing DD's hair there (well I expect his mum does it), but still just leaving DS unwashed.

Is this worth raising again? It feels like I'm picking fault but at the same time it's really basic parenting that he should be able to do.

Remediation work!
Maintaining a good parenting relationship with your ex is far more important than a bit of chlorine in the hair.

Not everyone does, but our children do.

I can remedy the dry skin by covering the kids in e45 once I've showered them, and usually it's fine again by the next day but it would be much better if he did the basics himself, at the time so I don't need to remedy afterwards.

No we shower in the mornings because the kids are autistic, won't tolerate the hair dryer and also won't sleep with wet hair

Parenting difference. I give mine a bath every night so I don't think it's a big hassle, wouldn't start a drama over it.

Mine never showered at the pool. The showers there were rubbish.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all OP. Can’t believe so many people think you are.
I swim often and chlorine absolutely damages hair and skin, and the longer it’s left on and not washed out properly the longer it’s had to work. Especially on hair.
I’d never not shampoo my own hair after a swim (even if it’s once I’ve got home). Your ex is just lazy and is passing the job onto you (or another woman by what you put). It’s also teaching good habits to get your daughter to wash her hair properly after a swim. Absolute laziness.

Yeah. Can’t get out fast enough. Just do it at home.

Would your son be able to say to dad or granny that he wants/needs a shower when he gets back to dads. Is he able to shower and wash hair independently? Does he rinse under a shower before getting into the pool?

Is there a reason he has the DC so little?

And yet you didnt mention any of that in your OP 🤣

So are pool showers often tbf.

Mine grown up but I would never use the showers. It’s always chaotic and frankly I was always more concerned about verrucas.

Ridiculous

I sense an underlying antagonism towards ex.
The showering might simply be a peg to hang this on.
This is why it is best to say nowt and try and keep the joint parenting as amicable as possible.
This really is a very small and unimportant issue and not worth jeopardising the joint parenting relationship by raising it and starting conflict. There are years of this to come.

Chlorine is bad for skins and hair especially if you swim regularly. Washing with a small amount of soap and shampoo is appropriate. Kit should also be rinsed through to prolong life of the elastic!

I think you're being a bit U, but I never bothered forcing mine through the showers post swimming. They just bathed / showered at home that evening as normal. It doesn't seem worth picking an argument with the ex over this. I'd be delighted if this was the only issue I had with my ex!

I wouldn't be happy about this either, should always shower straight after swimming (and beforehand too). Even with school swimming the children are expected to shower properly afterwards at my children's schools, and encouraged to go to sauna too to get properly clean, so I'd expect the same at the very least when swimming with a parent. But you might have to just encourage your children to do it themselves, at least your older one.

You take her home in her wet costume with clothes over it? Surely that's really uncomfortable for her? Why not strip her costume off before you put on the tracks and hoody?

I take daughter swimming and she then baths in the evening - the showers are too busy for us to handle around that long!
am I a bad parent - no! If you know he is not going to shower them then just plan it into your evening surely?

Sorry, I missed this re autism. In that case I think trying to get them to shower straight after swimming could be totally unfeasible? The showers/ changing rooms at our local pool are insanely overcrowded and cramped on evenings and weekends. It could just be too much for them surely?

But I still think this doesn't seem worth picking a fight over.

I dont get the logic it is safe to swim in but somehow harmful when people leave the pool? I rinsed at first then thought why? So they were never bothered so not sure why I would be

Olympians mamage to spend lots of time in the pool with no harm, sure someone chooses to rinse fine but dont see the need to dictate another adult has too

@Natsku at our local pool there are 3 shower cubicles and they are all poolside. The pool also has floor to ceiling windows opposite these showers facing out into public space. No sauna, although the changing area feels like a sauna! So showers aren't placed well and not very numerous so don't really encourage a deep cleansing shower, so just a quick rinse and proper shower when you get home.

School swimming is a very hurried affair once you are out of the pool. Certainly no time for everyone to have full showers and hair wash, the swim session would take twice as long if that was going to happen!

Having worked as a lifeguard - definitely parenting differences.

Some people do a spa worthy post swim extravaganza in the showers. Others don’t go anywhere near. That includes the early morning swimmers who are heading off to school / college / work next and definitely not showering at home in between.

If there’s a skin reaction issue then that’s a sensible thing to discuss. If it’s the one realm of standard stuff then needs to be left between them and him.

Can you give DS shampoo and ask him to pit it in Dad's swim bag? Perhaps your reasonable irritation with your ex is focusing on this one not unsolvable problem.

I don't even rinse them after swimming, we wait til we get home (all of about 20 minutes from stepping out of the pool) and shower there. The swimming pool showers are a bit grim. I'd want him to get both of them in the shower at home.

OP, a travel sized hair and body wash in your son's pocket could be what's needed here. Takes up barely any space so if no swimming it's not a hassle to have on him, but if they do go swimming her has his own stuff to do a quick hair and body wash in the showers.

For boys (assuming his hair isn't long) I'd assume this wouldn't be too taxing? (Though I don't know the extent of his autism).