Aibu to expect ex to shower DC after swimming?

[Sprogonthetyne]

Before I raise it with him, just checking if this falls into 'different parenting' or if it's a resonable objection. He sees the kids two Sundays a month and quite often takes them swimming, the children enjoy it, so all good there. However I'm getting increasingly annoyed that DS is coming back smelling of chlorine, which means I need to fit baths into the already quiet rushed tea, homework, bed routine after they get back.

If I take them swimming I always take shampoo and shower the kids as soon as they get out, so to me it's just part and parcel of taking kids swimming. I'd never leave chlorine on myself, as I don't want dry skin or damaged hair, so it wouldn't occur to me not to do the same for the kids. However he doesn't seem to see it a necessary.

I have raised this before, but with enthuses on DD, who has long, curly, tangle prone hair, so the previous conversation focused on how tangled he her was getting from been left to dry with chlorine in it, and that it wasn't fair to her to not wash and brush it after swimming. I thought this would be enough to prompt him to just put shampoo in the swim bag, but instead he has started taking them back to his flat and washing DD's hair there (well I expect his mum does it), but still just leaving DS unwashed.

Is this worth raising again? It feels like I'm picking fault but at the same time it's really basic parenting that he should be able to do.

So whereas op is worried about the evils of chlorine, you're worried about the evils of what exactky? Germs? Neither of those things are really an issue

No its not, it needs to be clarified don't you know

He is maintaining his basic standards.

I rinse.

i don’t do full on washing. Cba and I wash every day anyway.

I used to swim most mornings before work.

I always hair wash at the pool, ours does have private shower cubicles, I also have long thigh curly hair and if I leave it to try full of chlorine it wreaks havoc, I do the same with ds. Dh has on occasion bright him home to shower (because he forgot shampoo or a towel. In which case he throws a poncho thing on comes straight in and gets in the shower. I let it slide in the summer even though it makes his car seat damp but in winter he should be clean, hair washed, hair dried and in warm clothing before leaving the pool.

I've been swimming for years and never bothered and nor does DD. We both have long hair and trying to wash, condition and comb when the shower goes off every 5 seconds is really annoying. Then all the faff of taking hair towels, product etc, I just cba. We did it recently when we were having our bathroom renovated and I didn't love the extra palaver of it all.

My DH won't shower at a pool or shower the kids, but he would take them home and all get in the shower straight away. He would not let them sit around all chlorine-y for hours.

I have no idea why he would rather do this given everyone is already wet at the pool, why not just get it done, but he absolutely won't even consider it.

Agree, it's a right faff

Maybe raise it with him to explain that it’s a nightmare fitting it in when they’re home to you in the routine. But imo I’m with him. Swimming pool showers are grim and I wait till Wer home. 🤣Sorry. That’s prob not helpful.

I'm always amazed at the amount of people who don't shower their kids at the pool tbh.

We always shower at the pool, a full shampoo/condition and body wash job. For the sake of that extra 5 minutes it saves the whole job of doing it at home. Plus you don't have chlorine soaked towels to deal with.

It just seems like an absolute waste of time to dry and dress them, get home, then strip them off again to shower. What a faff!

I don't see a problem. Not worth falling out over.

Meh. My 11 year old daughter with long curly very thick hair swims 6 times a week. Sometimes she rinses, sometimes she shampoos, sometimes she does neither. She never conditions or ‘clarifies’. It’s really not the end of the world.

apparently the best thing you can do for chlorine is to shower before. Chlorine can’t stick (absorb?) as well to wet skin or hair. (To be clear my daughter doesn’t do this either but if it bothers you tell your kids to have a 10 sec shower before getting in…. But tell your kids not your ex)

I agree with this, but also means you need to let their Dad make decisions like this even if it's very annoying to you.

Have you tried to discuss it with him, aside from mentioning DD's hair? Obviously, no idea what your relationship with him is like, but if you asked for him to do it as a favour, because it's really difficult getting it done after they're dropped off and before bed, and you don't want them to cut their day with him short? He might not cooperate, but can't if you don't ask?! He might think he's done what you've asked already by washing DD's hair.

I consider allowing your kid to get dry itchy skin and damaged, trangly hair to be below the basic standard. Yes, I can rectify the situation once they get home, but responsible parenting shouldn't require others to do remediation work.

Not everyone gets dry itchy skin or damzged hair

So ask him if he can let you know if they’ve been swimming and are likely to need a shower before bed?

we are lifelong swimmers. Generally unless the showers are up to a standard and private enough you can do it properly- ie no swimming costume, proper wash and hair wash, I wouldn’t bother. Add to the fact that communal showers can often be busy, cold, less than a slow drip at best…. Plus in winter it’s often so cold all I do is strip, rough towel and into a onesie and home.

obviously I don’t know the pool layout but if he’s a different sex to the children that may make it more difficult as well.

i wouldn’t shower at home as well, it’s miserable for kids getting wet, dressed, then getting home and having to get wet and dressed again. I’d wait until bed.

Also he may think you bath them on an evening anyway? It’s a pretty normal routine to bathe young children before bed isn’t it? Especially after a busy weekend.

sounds like you need a conversation about what your routine looks like.

My 5yo has a swimming lesson once a week and I leave her in her costume with trackies and a hoodie over it, pop her in the bath as soon as we walk in the door and then do tea. I’m sure the other parents think it’s a bit icky but it’s so chilly changing her (and there aren’t showers) so as far as I’m concerned back in the car, warmed up and in the bath 15m later is fine. And she has eczema, so I’d rather know all the chlorine is off her properly.

It’s fine so long as they’re not getting rashes from not rinsing. If they are tell them to rinse themselves and job done. Rinsing before is important too if the chlorine irritates their skin (don’t know why but it is a thing).

Mine are 8 and 4. When they swim with school obviously no chance for a proper shower so they stay chlorine-y all day and have a bath or shower at bedtime. It’s fine. When I take them I wash DS4 there because boy hair is no bother but DD’s long thick hair is easier to deal with at home.

Not worth falling out over what is a minor parenting difference. And also if he did something else with them that wasn’t swimming then they’d still likely want a bath or shower before bed so I’m not sure how it creates loads of extra work…

This thread is fucking batshit. Chlorine is literally bleach, but skin kind. Who honestly thinks about this? It smells like a swimming pool because it is a swimming pool, and there are worse things to smell of. Would you rather your kids smelled of piss and B.O? That doesn’t happen because of the bacteria killing chemicals.

I have 5 kids and sometime, when their mates come over, I can smell what the family ate the night before. I’d much prefer to smell a pool. If they’ve been swimming then I’d be happy they were having fun, because so many ‘fathers’ do fuck all. Ask him to shower them properly….but otherwise, just fucking chill out.

Don't they usually bathe before bed?

This falls into the "don't sweat the small stuff" box.

I would never ever use public swimming showers to clean my kids. They came straight home and had a good clean shower at home.

I was a club swimmer in my youth, literally thousands of hours in council pools. Somehow I'm still alive with skin and hair intact.

Didn’t realise how weird I was until this thread. I love the smell of chlorine. No faffing with showers for us. Also after school swimming lessons (usually morning) there’s no showering/shampooing etc and hair/skin survives to tell the tale.

We don’t shower at the leisure centre. There’s like 4 showers for too many children and they’re kind of gross. When they did school swimming last term the kids just rinse off and shower at home that night so it’s pretty standard here.

if this is a regular thing just assume it’s happening and Sundays are always shower night.