To think it’s bad form to ask for payment afterwards?

[keeponwishing]

Friends birthday, invited us over and we had food and drinks (everyone also brought a bottle) and she wanted to do an activity that she bought materials for - not something I would pick to do but it’s not my birthday.

The next day we get a text saying how much we owe. At no point was this said before that we were expected to pay, I didn’t eat much of the food as it wasn’t really what I like.

I’ve paid as I can’t be bothered with drama but ?

You do need to give her the heads up politely that next time she needs to tell you first if something will incurr costs.

Bloody hell, how rude.
I would hard swerve that cheeky fxxker going forward.
You were very generous to pay, most would not.

I wouldn't hesitate to have a right bitchbabout her with mutual friends. Complete CF.

Seems very bizarre to organise a random activity and then expect guests to cough up afterwards for taking part……birthday or not! I wouldn’t have paid until I’d received a full breakdown too.

I think you should throw the party you can afford. If you want to throw more than you can afford you say in advance, we could do X but we'd each need to contribute £Y. If she hadnt asked before I wouldnt pay after.

I understand why you paid, but I would explain to her why it was bad for

Some people are just extremely cheeky.

The last time I saw my cousin's wife - which was years ago - it was at a family birthday (not hers). She wasn't the host but sent an email out suggesting 'the ladies' might it if she did a gel nail session, because she'd just started learning to do them and she wanted to practice. None of us fancied it so we all said no thanks, but she turned up on the day with all the kit and really expected us to do it until someone said 'but Pam, won't this cost you quite a bit' and it came out she had been fully expecting everyone to pay.

So rude and weird.

Does this friendship group have dinner parties often? How does she not understand you don’t charge guests that you invite to your house?

And to spring it on you afterwards..wow.

I couldn’t continue with this friendship.

If you've got a group chat, I'd say something like "Going forwards, if we're going to start charging each other when we entertain at home - can we please clarify those charges before attendance is agreed and that way, no one feels like they've been held hostage. Cheers". And a great big line of smiley faces.

Was it an MLM-linked activity, by any chance?

😅😅😅

i think this is really rude as it was not mentioned. Deduct the bottle of wine you paid for.

When did this contribute to the Imhavingaparty fund start? Seeing it more on here. It's my 50th, you are all invited at £50 a head or whatever amount they deem suitable. If they want some money ask beforehand and say the amount and guests can choose to pay or not.

Ouch😳😳😳

There was a thread recently where a woman was having a 50th birthday party in a nice hotel restaurant, but wanted to charge guests. A surprising number of posters supported her. It was very strange.

This 100%

My dd's friend's mother phoned me to ask if dd would like to go to a fireworks evening at her house - dd said yes - she'd love that. Then the Mum said actually would you like to come too, I said "yeah, sure." (I'm not that keen on fireworks) but would be nice to have a chat over a glass. Then she says it's be £10/family. I was a bit gobsmacked - it's not the money, it was the weirdness - I didn't want to go but felt awkward backing down. The evening was fine - some shit hotdogs and we provided our own wine - the fireworks were a disaster - they couldn't light them. She phoned me up a week later to follow up on payment - I paid very quickly but imo if you can't afford to host an event in your house don't do it at all. I'm sure she didn't make any money from it but it was embarrassing.

YANBU to think this is 'bad form'

YABU to have paid. It gives her the impression this is an acceptable thing to do.

Wow! Well done 👏

No

What was it?

I’d be texting her to tell her that the next time I wanted to spend £35 on a night out, I’d book a table at a restaurant.

id tell her that it’s paid this time, but there won’t be a second time. This was an ambush and a rude one

Yes it does seem a bit much but you did the right thing for you and the situation- paid it up and had a vent.

What have the other attendees said?

What a total CF. She probably knew everyone would be too polite to quibble.

So rude (your friend, not you).

If she couldn't afford it she shouldn't have invited you round.

Well, she’s a CF and you know this.

I’d probably have done what you did - paid up and been highly irritated. And then made a joke next time money and friends came up in the group.