To think it’s bad form to ask for payment afterwards?

[keeponwishing]

Friends birthday, invited us over and we had food and drinks (everyone also brought a bottle) and she wanted to do an activity that she bought materials for - not something I would pick to do but it’s not my birthday.

The next day we get a text saying how much we owe. At no point was this said before that we were expected to pay, I didn’t eat much of the food as it wasn’t really what I like.

I’ve paid as I can’t be bothered with drama but ?

I definitely wouldn't have paid!

Without knowing hoe much hard to say.

How many friends attended and have you all had the same message? How much have you paid? And has everyone else paid as well?

£20 and I paid £15 for a bottle of wine.

Then you should have just paid her the outstanding balance of £5.

This.

Does your friend have form for this?

I’d pay it to avoid a fuss… but it would change how I felt about the friendship tbh. It’s bad form imo to invite people to your home and charge for catering… especially as this was not clear up front

Same. It would have been packed back up immediately and sent right back telling her that there'd been a mistake, you hadn't asked for or ordered a scarf and you couldn't afford to spend that kind of money on a hand crafted scarf.

I would send a nice note thanking her and and politely asking for a heads up in advance when a financial contribution is expected. Otherwise your payment + silence normalises this for your friendship.

Like you, I would pay it, but it’s extremely cheeky.

I agree with PPs- if takeaway was ordered on the night and the host paid (which would be unusual, I don't know many people who would allow the host to pay for it all without offering cash or organising who owes what and sharing bank details). That would be more reasonable than charging guests for items she bought for an activity she planned!

If it was me I'd have included on the invitation message "Planning x,y,z, feel free to bring your own items or I can source some for about £15 each"

The only time I've had a similar experience was after a wedding, the bride was an absolute brat and was furious for most of the day because her wedding car had broken down earlier in the morning and the firm sent a different, but still beautiful car on time to her, and refunded her the full cost. She was so pissed off she had a grim face on all day and the next day sent a huge group text saying her day was ruined and us paying for some of the expenses we've cost her would help. £100 per head! (divorced within the year)

I have always found that quoting a price (or offering to do so) is the best way to put off people who want cheeky favours. So I would have sent a text:

"Your invitation did not make it clear it was pay to play otherwise I would have declined. Not a good look when people have already brought gifts and wine."

What the actual fuck!!! Did you pay it? That's mental!

Yes, asking beforehand would be a bit awkward if it's something you don't want to do/eat or more than you can afford or want to spend, but asking afterwards without prior warning is shockingly bad. I'd seriously be reconsidering future dealings with her for fear she'd try it again. At the least, I'd probably ask about costs before I agreed to be 'hosted' by her again!

No. You shouldn't charge friends for coming to your birthday party.
It's ridiculously greedy and cringe worthy.

What a rude person - I’d be noting her behaviour and distancing myself a bit if a friend behaved like that.

utter despair. What have we turned into?

What a bloody cheek. She should've made it clear on the invites. Was the activity even worth £20 quid per person?

Charge her £15 for the wine you brought.

How tight of her!

😂😂

Asking people to much in and bring food or contribute is the kinds of things students do. Or people on a low wage. You need to let people lnow in advance if there is a cost involved otherwise it makes you look like a cheapskate.

When I was 17 I asked the people I worked with if they fancied a night out to celebrate. I was a junior in my first job so told them I could not afford to pay for everything at the restaurant but I would cover the drinks bill. Everyone knew exactly where they were and could choose a dish based on their budget. It was pizza restaurant and we all had similar so the food bill was split. I asked for a separate drinks bill at the onset.

It should have been made clear before hand otherwise it really is rude.

Though I might have paid and then avoided her from then on out.

In my late 20s young mother keen to make friends new to area I got invited to a house party just Mums - went it was a sales party. I had a nice evening but did feel oblige to buy something. MIL then in her 50s had the same happen to her - she bought nothing and hostess had a go at her and MIL let her know her views on it all. Made me feel less gullable.

Not wanting to derail the thread but the entire guest list was on a whatsapp group without the bride and groom and top table people basically because we had planned for an extra special thing (nothing massive, the bride and groom loved it between scowls) to happen on the day. After we got the message from the bride, we all started slowly messaging on our secret GC and all but a few of us decided fuck that noise, no we're not paying. After a few weeks she calmed down and invited a group of us to watch their wedding video and have a little post wedding gathering and we declined. We're still in touch with her lovely ex husband, who has now happily remarried a very laid back and cheerful lady!