To think it’s bad form to ask for payment afterwards?

[keeponwishing]

Friends birthday, invited us over and we had food and drinks (everyone also brought a bottle) and she wanted to do an activity that she bought materials for - not something I would pick to do but it’s not my birthday.

The next day we get a text saying how much we owe. At no point was this said before that we were expected to pay, I didn’t eat much of the food as it wasn’t really what I like.

I’ve paid as I can’t be bothered with drama but ?

I would have paid but sent a message along lines of - I was quite surprised about the request for money as it wasn’t mentioned at any point before the activity. I’ve paid as I don’t want to fall out, however, if there is a next time, you need to advice in advance.

Sure they can, but they should make it clear beforehand if they want to split the bill.

If I'm paying, I say in the invitation "I do hope you can come as my guest"

Not sure what the correct words are for "pay for yourself"

Not a takeaway, it was a board of different foods, and yes the activity needed bits buying for it.

I can't believe you paid 😬

If my host was getting takeaway for everyone, then I'd expect to chip in. But not if they were cooking... did she ask for a share of the cost of ingredients? Wierd.

For a birthday, I'd bring wine, a gift, and check with others re: birthday cake. Id probably offer to bring nibbles or whatever, but it woukd depend on who the host was .

Laughs in Indian.😬

Sorry, cross posted!

Exactly this. I'm embarrassed for her.

OP when I first read your info I assumed you had gone to a restaurant. You are a polite person so you paid up. I think as others have said a poor situation. I wouldn't dream of charging friends. It seems we are all appalled with your friends behaviour. I am stunned into silence now so I will finish here!

Posters who complain about being asked to contribute after the event never come back to tell us how much!

😭😂

Whether or not I ended up paying, I wouldn’t attend anything else she hosted. But I can almost guarantee that this would never happen to me as I don’t know anyone who would do this. And I would be shocked if you said that there were no signs of your friend having form for this type of behaviour before. Maybe other odd behaviour but not necessarily these exact circumstances?

Whether or not I ended up paying, I wouldn’t attend anything else she hosted.

Same. It's such bad form.

Kind of unbelievable, so tacky. honestly. Utterly utterly tacky behaviour. Will she be surprised when nobody is available for her future invites?!

Does it matter how much? If it's a large amount it's outrageous that she'd assume she can ask you for it without prior conversation. If it's a small amount it's shocking she would lack the decorum to cover it herself.

Either way, it's really embarrassing for her.

Can we have more info? How long are you friends, does she have form for being tight, what do you think the others said about it?

I am wondering (charitably) if at some point during the evening a conversation took place without you - perhaps you were in the loo - about the cost and it was collectively agreed that you would all chip in.

I would pay too but I'd be disgusted. I would send a message saying "transferred the money but just go say - I didn't realise we were paying. When was that decided?"

How much were you charged?
What was the activity?
If it was Fuzzy Felt, she's cheeky. Silversmithing, not so much.

Fuzzy felt 😂😂😂

I don’t think it matters what the activity was - if you are expecting people to pay you have to let them know in advance.

it is just so odd.

Next time she invites you over to her house, ask her how much it will cost.

That’s different though and it’s done with the understanding and knowledge of everyone involved prior to participating. It’s rude to invite a friend over to tea and after they leave to send them a message and ask for money to cover the tea bag and hot water.

Was she maybe very upset after the evening? Did people just show up, eat, do the activity and leave? Or did they bring presents, sing happy birthday and all of that.

It's so weird I'm wondering if she's making a point.

Yeah I actually agree, I'm just wondering what the activity was.

Yep. Which is why I said the friend was being unreasonable

No, just scratchy wool 😅 I appreciate the time that goes into hand making things but the missing ingredient here was me ever having asked for one to be made!!
We did stay friends - I was younger then and just paid up. Now, I’d be very different!

I would now, for sure. Back then, I was fuming but still just paid up 🥴