That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

[heavenknow]

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex)
She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

YANBU. She must have known that her finances can't stretch to paying her mortgage for years but doesn't seem to have made plans to increase her income or downsize. Your DH's responsibility is towards his son. He shouldn't be paying his ex anything when the DSS left for Uni 2 years+ ago.

This is the first time I’ve ever heard of parents being legally required support a “child” in education until they are 25? Are you talking about England?

The poster said that was in Scotland

See my exH would think like this but no-one knows what's going on with her. Maybe she's had severe mental health problems which means she's barely left the house for a year. As a random example.

That’s not how I read the OP.

The maintenance finishes Dec 2025 which has already been paid as a lump sum.

However DSS does not finish Uni for another 6 months (so summer 2026).

I think asking for another 12 months is cheeky but I don’t think asking for another 6 months necessarily is for the child to finish education.

Either way she should have planned for this.

But you need to consider the wider fallout.

If the OP and DH can afford it I would pay the extra 6 months but be crystal clear that is it and that whatever the repercussions mum needs to cut her cloth so to speak.

The OP say she works for herself and frankly this could mean anything from a low paying “vanity” project to a potentially successful business that may be struggling in the current economic climate.

Again, either way she needs to work out what she can afford long term and that may mean a change of job or downsizing her outgoings (including the mortgage either by refinancing or sale).

The flip side of course is what the OP and her DH can afford.

We were in a position where frankly keeping the relationship on a good footing was well worth the £££ and didn’t mean compromising our own (and our joint children’s) needs and wants. But I appreciate not everyone is in the same boat.

Yep in uk, you support until education is finished

Agreement in place and she is moving goal posts. Minimum of 6 to 12 months could mean forever. Agreement needs to be honoured which your DH has done. Say no.

It depends on the individual circumstances.

I had to give up my career/earning potential/pension to look after disabled dc. Maintenance comes to an end but disabilities dont. Why should the burden just fall on one parent?

Full time education. Not university.

Yes, I understand perfectly that it’s the child. I never stated that this contribution would go to the ex.

I'm in Scotland and have never heard of this.

Maybe she has but that doesn’t entitle her to her ex or OP’s money. Why would it?

Remember that how he treats her now, is how he'll treat you when you break up.

Hopefully the 'when' was a typo and you actually meant 'if'.

Otherwise your post makes you look a bit silly.

Ah that could also be it - can OP clarify? Has DH paid up until the end of Uni or not?

I do agree wider support should be given if possible. But frankly, at 20 I would think that support should focus more on DS himself. Maybe help with getting a deposit for a flatshare or travel expenses etc. And of course OP & DHs home should be open to DS if he choses to come home for a bit.

That’s not a legal requirement though. And some divorce settlements state maintenance finishes at the end of A levels/sixth form, not necessarily the end of uni.

This is where is gets a bit ridiculous, if ‘together’ parents can’t afford to help through uni, then so be it, but there seems to be more obligation on separated parents, particularly fathers

Isn't the money going to the son at university to help with their living costs? What's it got to do with the mum and her losing her house?

Yeah, he can move into the abundance of affordable rental properties out there 🙄 Talk about out of touch.

Really depends on the DHs financial situation

YANBU. If your DSS has graduated and is now old enough to be working, the contribution towards his upkeep and housing needs to come from him, out of his wage. That's the whole point of the payments - to pay for your child until they are adults and take care of themselves. In no way do you have to subsidise her living arrangements.

Surely maintenance finishes when he actually finishes uni. So still six months left...

This statement about it being up until they are 25 is codswallop. In the UK, it's up until they are 20 providing they are in approved education or training, otherwise it's the 31st August following their 16th birthday if they leave education/training: https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/eligibility

It depends what the divorce settlement stated

Not legally you dont.

These things are never black and white. Is this spousal or child maintenance? Is DSS being supported through uni with separate funds? If this maintenance ends before DSS finishes Uni how will this effect his finances?

Why is the money being paid to the ex? Surely at his age any financial support should be paid directly to DSS to help with uni living costs. Or is it that if you DH stops the payments she will have to start giving DSS more which she can’t afford?

I would say if the money is being paid to her then tough titties, as long as you’re happy for DSS to come and live with you if needed after uni. But if it’s going to DSS and he will potentially be left short then you DH should continue so his son doesn’t suffer.

Nope that's not the legal obligation.