That DSS’s mum losing her house isn’t our problem.

[heavenknow]

DSS is 20, graduating uni in 6 months. DH has paid a generous maintenance throughout. The agreement they had in place was financial support ended in Dec 25. (Due to lump sum payments requested by ex)
She has now said if we can’t continue the payments for a minimum of 6-12 months then she will lose her house. She currently works for herself. AIBU to think this isn’t our problem?

This sounds very fair

No I don’t think you should pay anymore, she’s in rented accommodation so she should get some help with rent if she’s on that low an income?
My ex left me paying our joint mortgage 9 years ago, only ever paid minimum child maintenance and I work part time to fit in around my disabled daughters needs.
Now my daughter is not in education I get virtually nothing from universal credit and my daughter only gets a fraction of what I’ve lost.
Your husband’s ex has been lucky to get so much support for so long.

Maybe ask what is going to change with her financial situation in 6 to 12 months time. Because if the answer is nothing then you could be paying forever.

Why is it generous to pay for your child and the woman who parents them? I must thank dh for his contribution and for not leaving!

Can ds not get a job to contribute if they dont now

The dad does pay for his kid 50% of the time when he stays with him.

Why should he be expected to also pay for his ex wife?

By your way of thinking, she should also pay for the man who parents his child? Then they would just be paying each other?

No he was paying for his child through university. I didn’t say it needed to continue. I just think using the word generous was strange. It was all agreed and was to finish December this year.

@Sometimeswinning Thing is, the Dad has already given her money to pay off “a large business debt.” What does that have to do with paying for their son?

It sounds as if she has financial problems completely unrelated to their child and perhaps needs to downsize to a smaller property.

I foresee this problem coming for us, my DH pays a far wedge of cm, which pays ex wife’s mortgage basically, she has made no (not that we’re aware of) plans for when this stops in the next 12 months. Dsd is welcome to come and live with us and she has a bedroom here and always will, but we will not be paying her mortgage when we don’t have to! And before anyone comes for me, I have a son whose dad has never paid a penny in cm, because every time I’ve been after him, he’s quit his job! I was a single parent for 4 yrs until me & DH got together, so I know both sides of the coin

surely you DH is paying maintenance for his Son not for his ex wife.
if he keeps paying she’ll bleed him dry.

Op says dss lived 50/50 with both parents.

They also gave mum a large lump sum when she needed it, that wasn't part of the original agreement. Thats very generous .

Nope you are correct. It’s not your problem and it’s cheeky of her to think it is.

The "child" is 20 and I imagine she isn't doing much in the way of parenting at this point. I don't think they should be funding the ex wife at this point when the child in question is actually an adult. They have been more than generous to be sending payments to the mother of a 20 year old.

I suppose it depends on what her plan for 6 months time is. With a child that age, its not impossible she's trying to hold out until she can take a lump sum out of a personal pension, or have some other savings investment mature. Maybe her fixed rate mortgage expired earlier than she expected. Struggling for a few months can hit any of us.
Is it your "problem"? No
Is it fair that your SSs mother has (possibly) born the brunt of the childcare and financial burden for years, and now might lose her home? Some would say "not", others would tell her to suck it up. Only YOU know which side you fall on.

It’s generous to pay her business debts and when you share custody 50/50.

It sounds like your partner might not no longer be financially supporting his son any longer ? Adult kids living at home do still cost quite a lot so maybe it would be fair to contribute to contribute until he is working.
That might be less painful for you than the boy ending up living with you full time.

@Intervaldrinks I think it’s just the maintenance to his ex that’s stopping?

The Dad pays an allowance directly to his son and also pays maintenance to his ex.

The maintenance to his ex is stopping in December but presumably the allowance will continue until his son finishes uni.

Too bad. She needs to get another job. I had three jobs at one stage in my life when DS was that age as my exH went abroad and didn't pay anything for DS.

I thought it continued until the child had finished full-time education - i.e. if the child goes to uni, it continues until the end of the uni course.

Yes for part time pocket money , not to contribute to running the house.

@SoftBalletShoes If custody is 50/50, neither parent is obliged to pay maintenance to the other so the Dad technically didn’t need to pay his ex anything.

He gives his son an allowance plus he gives his ex maintenance.

So because you were dealt a shit hand she has to have one, is that what you’re saying?

Or like @Gettingbysomehow she can take some personal responsibility?

What DH thinks of that - he's got the boy and he's got the decision to make

I assume your husband and your stepsons mother were once a couple with a son, now he is your stepson and both he and his mother are seen as financial liabilities to you. Well legally the contract has ended but that’s not how families work is it? Six more months to enable his mother to keep her home doesn’t sound too much to ask if it’s necessary.