To ask you what is the worst thing your MIL has done or said to you?

[IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour]

I’ll start. We lost a baby at 25 weeks pregnant, a little girl, the whole situation was awful. 6 months later I was pregnant with a little boy and we waited until 20+ weeks to tell anyone about him because we were nervous (understandably).

We phoned MIL on speaker phone to tell her our happy news about the new baby (we already had a son) and her first response was ‘well when am I going to get some granddaughters?’

There are many more examples but this really took the biscuit

@Merryoldgoat

I agree but when your in it it's hard to know what to do.

I wanted my in laws to like me so I bit my tongue and tried to stay polite.

I also didn't quite understand the place they were coming from it always confused me.

I realise now of course I should have fought back from day one and they took advantage of my vulnerability ,politeness and naivety.

I didn't know then it would get worse and worse and end up with no relationship so we tried to keep going for DC sake.

Now I see I was on a hiding to nothing they still don't like me and I've never let them know what I think.

All I can do now is make sure my DC don't let someone treat them as other and inferior.

Mine dropped into conversation that she hadn't thought my DD would ever be able to get married or have a boyfriend, because she is type 1 diabetic with an insulin pump. She only realised maybe she could, when chatting to the young barmaid at the pub who was also type 1 and somehow shockingly had managed to get a nice boyfriend. Wtf

@Zevitevitchofcrimas

Keeling quiet when someone is being unpleasant to you is not ‘being polite’ - it’s allowing yourself to be a doormat mistreated.

I know it’s not easy to walk away when you’re in it. The point is not to get ‘in it’ until you know what the key players are like. Like so many abusive situations, they rarely come completely out of nowhere and this thread alone shows how many women are putting up with this shit in relatively new relationships. It’s rare it happens after you’ve passed a lovely friction-free 18 months.

@Merryoldgoat

I was also conditioned to do women's work and build bridges.

Again thanks to mumsent I was able to see this eg why am I running around buying gifts for cousins and aunts and parents for DH !

When they don't appreciate it or don't thank me

Merry you've said you Havant had it. We are like boiled frogs as someone said death by a thousand cuts.

My MIL is generally lovely, if not a bit dippy. Her only real flaw is unequal treatment of her son & his children compared to her daughter and her children...we all live within 5mins of each other.

My SIL is a SAHM yet receives significant assistance from her parents, regular childminding & financial support. Her husband is not expected to attend family events. My husband & I both work FT, and arguably have a greater need for parental support yet it is not offered. I am expected to attend all family events, even if my husband is unavailable, and I adapt my own plans to accommodate wherever possible.

My parents are certainly not a shining example, so I appreciate my PILs and try to make the effort to include them as much as possible, sending updates of the GC and inviting them for lunch/dinner often. Unfortunately they often have other commitments with their favoured GC.

I supported my MIL and her mum significantly during my DHs nans final years as SIL had other priorities. I was happy to do this as she was an amazing woman and I miss her presence in our lives.

Parents give help where it is needed most, and my family unit is self sufficient enough not to need to burden my PIL further, when they are already providing support elsewhere.

Can I rely on them? No
Do they have our best interests at heart? Yes
Is my MIL a better person than my DM? Absolutely.

Definitely our wedding we were on edge as she's so self centered and she complained made the birth of our only child as her show. The rest of us were barely bit players.

The screaming and crying and phoning DH to complain how awful I was when I refused to follow dangerous advice that may have harmed my child was the final straw for us both.

Mine is still predicting the doom of our marriage (24 years).

As OP said, she's going to see her MIL over Christmas, so that's the timing issue.

And a MIL isn't just 'another person', they're a part of your family who you don't have the links of love and loyalty too as with your own parents. Some inlaws will talk to their child's spouse in a way they would never speak to another person - judgemental, picky etc, or just horrible, as in some of these examples.

Some MILs are lovely and supportive, but people don't tend to start threads about them.

On my wedding day, as we were getting in the car to go home and change before the airport, my MIL leaned into the car, pretty much her whole torso and said to me ‘don’t forget, he’ll always love me more than you, never forget that’. Was just loud enough for me to hear but no-one else and I’m sure it looked like she was kissing me goodbye. Just one of my favourite examples of her vile behaviour!!

Some of these are heartbreaking. I'm so sorry for all of you who've lost children. 💐

Apropos of nothing, this thread is a good guide for how not to act if DS ever meets someone. I couldn't imagine being such a cunt to a woman who'd just lost her child! It's not something I'd wish on anyone.

Op some people are shocking. My mil lovely my own mother has no filter ha. It is hurtful as you say. They wonder then why nobody visits

No hate from me. I have tried so hard over the years - I really have, and still go the extra mile for their visits etc and have always encouraged my children to have their own relationships with her. My DH knows what she is like and apologizes for her. Now my children are grown and hear her say some of the things to me that are downright rude - they know it is not ok … but we roll our eyes and remind ourselves she has no filter and that I am trying not to take it personally!
I also hope that one day I will be a great MIL, I’ve had years of experience of how not to do it!

Thank you for this. My husband leant on the ‘clumsy’ excuse too so the post you’re replying to really hit a nerve with me. ‘Oh MiL is just clumsy so we should let her get on with it’ rather than ‘what my mother said was really hurtful and I’ll be speaking to her about it’

Why hasn’t your husband cut the apron strings?

An argument we have had endlessly. He just cannot stand up to her, it’s sad to watch really but even simple things he can’t talk to her about. Another occasion she tried to visit over the due date of the baby she had ignored the death of and I told husband clearly that she couldn’t visit that weekend (any other were fine) and it took me kicking him out of the house and telling him he would not be coming back until she was told not to visit that weekend for him to speak to her about it. It’s caused endless strife in our marriage but husband has shown he will defend and stand by me in every circumstance, except when it comes to his mother. We are very LC now for that reason.

That really sad. I hope one day he gets the balls to stand up to her.

I’ve given up hoping for it. She does some mad stuff even now and I think ‘will this be the thing that pushes him over the edge’ but it never is. He might bring up the issue if it’s something that affects the kids but there’s no way he will look at everything and speak to her about it, which means her words to me go unnoticed. Like I said, I’ve given up thinking he will ever actually say something to her and I think that’s the worst thing about MiLs, you need your husband to step up and if they won’t, it’s a double blow.

Hi op the only thing is for you to lose it on her next time whatever she says just bite her fucking off and give it to her straight that will teach your husband how much you won’t take her shit anymore and let them both have a relationship sometimes it just takes this for the other person to understand you are no longer her doormat. Don’t hesitate she has zero respect for you so treat her exactly as she treats you.

I’m hoping I’m LC enough for her shit not to bother me anymore. She did a fabulous one for the kids birthdays this year, sent £100 to both the kids born in July and then only £50 to the child born in August. Husband had to deal with that one which to be fair, he did. We had given the kids all the money they got from grandparents so there was no way to hide it on our end. Who knows what delights Christmas will bring but hopefully it won’t affect me.

Some of the DILs on here make you realise that many men are attracted to women who are very like their mothers.

Well I am not a Nonce apologist so its not true in our case

Sadly if it hurts your kids it hurts you. Just hope LC works for you treating kids different pisses me off especially in same household she’s a bitch.

Wtaf? how Do you work that out?

Me too!