To ask you what is the worst thing your MIL has done or said to you?

[IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour]

I’ll start. We lost a baby at 25 weeks pregnant, a little girl, the whole situation was awful. 6 months later I was pregnant with a little boy and we waited until 20+ weeks to tell anyone about him because we were nervous (understandably).

We phoned MIL on speaker phone to tell her our happy news about the new baby (we already had a son) and her first response was ‘well when am I going to get some granddaughters?’

There are many more examples but this really took the biscuit

She told me my 10 month old at the time was ‘bad’.
That I didn’t feed him, her son properly (better than she ever did! She used to give him chips and fried eggs on everything inc roast dinners)
That my Dad was under my Mums thumb, that my Sister thought she was better than everyone else,
Also that my now husband and I wouldn’t last( we’ve been together and married for 33 years now, she got divorced when her youngest was approx 7…)
and a few other gems!
This was all said in one sitting at my house.

I went no contact for months… she couldn’t understand why.
Started seeing her every now and then, when my nieces and our 2 child came along, and it happened again… went no contact for a few years then.

I do see now once or twice a month, she’s 89 and doesn’t remember all that she said , talks very much about the past, her as a child. Definitely a little dementia going on now.

I had a similar experience to Op but it was my best friend who said it not a MIL. She may go on to be a MIL but isn’t yet and was relatively young when she was so dismissive of my miscarriage.

My MIL is a wonderful person ( much nicer than my mother was) and it bothers me that there's so much hate for MILs on MN.

6 months after getting married, DH and I bought our first (tiny) house. On PIL's first visit we proudly showed them round. MIL went into the bathroom and said "Oh look, the toilet seat’s all smeary, Jiddles hasn’t cleaned it properly!"

I agree. Why single out MILs and perpetuate the horrible stereotype? Many of the posters will be MILs one day and find themselves subject to the same prejudices.

Not my MIL (who is lovely) but my friend’s. Her DD, their first child, was stillborn. A matter of days afterwards when she was reeling with grief, her MIL phoned her and said: ‘You’re aware [DH] will leave you if you can’t have children, aren’t you?’

Why are there so rarely any evil FIL threads?

Tbh she’s not been that bad in comparison, she has mental health issues and she is very nervous so has never been nasty to me, however about 6 months ago it was our youngest’s 2nd birthday, we had planned to see my parents on the actual birthday and MIL the following day… we tend not to mix our parents which is probably a post for another day, but my SIL (MIL’s daughter/DH’s sis), knocked on our door on their way to a meal when my parents were over in the garden, she clearly got upset that she wasn’t invited over (we didn’t bother because she said she was on her way to a meal anyway), and she had moaned to MIL, who then wrote on the family group chat, including the aunty, her daughters, the granny, granny’s sister etc (very women heavy) “Type 1 can you put a picture of DC on here as no one has seen her for ages”
that pissed me off.
DH reckons it’s because she was being dopey… I’m not sure.

I hear ya. My MIL told me to ‘stop grizzling i was ruining Christmas’ after i lost a much longed for baby at 23 weeks and was having a little silent cry on my own stacking the dishwasher. Thats probably not even the worst thing she has said. I tolerate her as my children love her and she is my husband’s mother. I assume she is totally unaware of how awful and mean she is.

My MIL asked me why I wasn’t at home looking after her son when I was at the hospital because my mum was dying.

And then when my father came to live with me for a few weeks to help him recover after being discharged from hospital after bowel cancer surgery and a stoma at the age of 80 my ‘delightful’ MIL said that he’s got his own house why is he living with you rent free!

I wore red shoes to her funeral because ‘ding dong the witch is dead’

It should bother you that there's so many examples of really shitty MIL's. Mine included. There's not hate for MIL's with no reason.

my MIL accused me of trying to steal money from her bank...did'nt have a clue where she banked...she then went on to find the "real" culprit but never apologised to me....that was the end for me

I can honestly say my MIL has never said anything unkind to me. She's not that kind of person.

Of course it's misogyny. Absolutely gross. It would also be misogyny if there was a thread started "tell me about your awful DILs".
As that PP said- it is the idea that there is a category of woman - mil - who is nearly always awful. Couldn't be more obviously misogynistic.

Buying my DH and children hotel chocolat gift packs at Xmas and Easter - but none for me - the known family chocoholic - as I had already had enough (I’m fat)!

I actually have so many examples I could write a book but they would be too outing. After 30 years of saying me telling myself she has no filter and trying to ignore her comments, it is still a challenge!

People do understand that. I do anyway, I would have loved for a nice MIL. As it happens, we now don't see her at all because of her behaviour but that's not what I'd prefer. I'd prefer to have someone who we can rely on, someone who we can go to in times of grief and know we'd be supported. I'd rather a MIL who wasn't emotionally abusive to her son. Unfortunately I don't have that and this sort of thread isnt about MIL bashing in general, it's somewhere that somebody like me can feel seen. I see friends with lovely MIL's and I'm jealous!

It's not misogyny, it's a coming together of people with similar experiences.

I would have loved for a nice MIL. As it happens, we now don't see her at all because of her behaviour but that's not what I'd prefer. I'd prefer to have someone who we can rely on, someone who we can go to in times of grief and know we'd be supported. I'd rather a MIL who wasn't emotionally abusive to her son. Unfortunately I don't have that and this sort of thread isnt about MIL bashing in general, it's somewhere that somebody like me can feel seen. I see friends with lovely MIL's and I'm jealous!

What do you think misogyny is?

‘’Saintly’ because she adores her MIL?

Well I am quite sure that's not true. You bring your son up to be a decent man and you treat your DIL in a decent way. None of the DILs on this thread are being deliberately horrible. The MILs are just cold hearted.

No. MILs are mothers. People don't transform into someone else when their children marry. We are often blind to the flaws of our own parents and children. Seeing MILs as shitty is mainly down to bias.

Read the post again and think about what you are saying!

the hatred of, contempt for, or prejudice against women and girls.

So the trope that there is a general category of woman - MIL - who is ripe for contempt is a perfect example.

do we ever see this kind of vitriol for FIL's? Course not.

What exactly do you think misogyny is?

It really is a power thing for DILs. Theyre jealous that their DHs has a relationship with their mothers, and it kind of eats them up, to the point that they actually look for offence where there is none. A lot of controlling coercive behaviour goes on by the DIL, who will often struggle that their DH has a relationship with another woman, but are gleeful with their ‘gotcha’ moment when they have children, where they then use the poor children as leverage to manipulate and control. Not all DILs of course, just like all mils aren’t evil, but certainly applies to many DILs on MN. Oh, and they happily push their feelings aside when it comes to childcare, using the MILs as free childcare when it suits. IMO…..

Exactly.
Misogynistic bias.