To ask you what is the worst thing your MIL has done or said to you?

[IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour]

I’ll start. We lost a baby at 25 weeks pregnant, a little girl, the whole situation was awful. 6 months later I was pregnant with a little boy and we waited until 20+ weeks to tell anyone about him because we were nervous (understandably).

We phoned MIL on speaker phone to tell her our happy news about the new baby (we already had a son) and her first response was ‘well when am I going to get some granddaughters?’

There are many more examples but this really took the biscuit

When I was pregnant with ds17, MIL whom had a shit relationship with DP, told me that DP will be a crap boyfriend, a crap dad, he will leave because that’s what he always does when things get hard ( she mentally abused him so he left home at 13) she basically told me I should have an abortion, I was 19, DP had told me everything so not sure what she was trying to achieve. that was the 2nd time she tried to tell me stuff DP had already told me. Funny thing was when DS was born she absolutely loved him and he was her most fave person in the world.
you might ask why we still visited her, but it wasn’t her we wanted to see it was FIL who was nothing but supportive. She adored DS when he was born and did a complete 180 in terms of DP. Although even though we already had a kid we were never allowed to stay at the house because we weren’t married. And when we visited we were only allowed in the dining room or lounge. We figured out why, when she died and DP and FIL were clearing out she had alcohol hidden throughout the house.

(Thankfully) Ex-MIL, American, visiting for thanksgiving. I took the Thursday of Thanksgiving off work, organised a large number of US expat friends and family to join us, ordered a £100 turkey, cooked a meal for 10 with starters, 2 types of stuffing, several vegetable sides and two desserts. She asked what I had made and after I listed the menu she said ‘well when we do Thanksgiving in the US we have a real feast and that doesn’t sound like much of a feast’. (Both she and her son were deeply narcissistic and my ex-DH was also very abusive but this sticks in my mind for its sheer comedy)

Ex wife and I had been living in our flat 1 year. Saturday morning, she's popped out the local shop 10 minutes away, I get out of bed to go for a shower wearing only my underwear, and bump into my MIL in the hallway. She shrieks, then moans about being embarrassed as I was almost naked.
She moaned to my other half, who then moaned at me being near naked in front of MIL. She eventually confessed that MIL had a spare key in case of emergency.
Changing the locks and a deadbolt made sure she'd never come in again without an invite.

1. She worked with special needs...she took a girls toy car collection off her as they were boys toys.

1. Said to my 7 year old son when I said he'd been hoovering...you shouldn't be hoovering...that's a woman's job....she continued...your granda wouldn't be hoovering...when I pointed out he lived alone so he would, she said...he uses a wee brush instead! Ridiculous.

3.She has made other remarks before like...I would've had the mens meals on the table as they came in.

Very old fashioned sexist remarks around men doing a physical job and need food made etc, may have sore back when coming in....I said I get migraines from teaching, she immediately said...ah well you just have to get on with it!!

Also that I should change work hours to suit children and that men have to be on site (construction) at 7. When I went to 3 day week she retorted on entry to my house..." I hear you're only working 3 days now!!"

Dear aren’t you dead lucky. And saintly.

Some of these posts are horrendous.

All of the quoted MIL's seemed to be suffering from Monster MIL Syndrome.

They are really vile and jealous that their boy has now got a more important women in their life.

Don't let them upset you.

These comments sound fine to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

My MIL has given all of her money to her daughter so she could buy a house outright. My DH will get nothing on her passing. He doesn’t care but I was livid on his behalf.l Why couldn’t the sister get a mortgage like a normal person?

I don’t know why I clicked on this thread because I find it quite gross in principle - sorry to those who have responded. It isn’t that I don’t sympathise with all the situations and people having to put up with insults etc. it is the idea that there is a category of woman - mil - who is nearly always awful in the opinion of some on here. It is a level of misogyny that i can’t stomach. It reminds me of those awful jokes the old time bigot comedians used to tell.

one of the jokes I remember was this (which I suppose is quite good):

I bought my mother in law a new chair for Christmas. Only thing was she wouldn’t plug it in.

No, I'm neither of those things. I'm just a normal human being who manages to get by without having a massive drama every other day. I highly recommend it.

It is a level of misogyny that i can’t stomach

100%

I just wanted to add these Mil's are just awful humans with real personal issues that they seem to be oblivious to.
It's so very sad that they get given such a special position in people's lives.

We're not all like that.....

I cant believe your MIL said that, its truly awful. I have a workable relationship with my MIL, but I choose to make little effort and just interact when we happen to interact. She has been absolutely vile at times in the past, not least to her own son. My special phrase whenever she says anything nasty or passively nasty to me is "if you say so" and this should see me through xmas.

Shocking … mine said my toddler was “possessed” because he was prone to toddler tantrums.

He’s a lovely polite young adult now 🤔

I don't understand why the registrar let her change the vows?

Mine invited herself to stay with us a week after my DD was born and did nothing, didn't so much as make me a cup of tea. She speaks another language and spent the entire time telling me what I had to do to be translated. I was exhausted as dd was cluster feeding and recovering from a very traumatic C-section, she didn't even ask me how I was at any point. Then when she left complained I barely let her see her granddaughter and spent too long in bed.

Where to start? MIL was verbally abusive & dominating. She ruined our wedding because SIL set her off deliberately. I copped abusive phone calls, and horrible comments on why I was awful & bleak photos. DH was useless. I should have walked away. After the wedding SIL decided to sue the bridesmaid dressmaker for her money back. So home from our honeymoon & off to court to support the dressmaker. SIL designed the dress, btw. This is just the start. They ruined it & I hate them still.

There's a lot in between, but MIL came to my house when DD was a baby and wanted me to sit down and listen to why I was an awful person, while DH not home of course. I was older & more confident and told her to leave. She had an embarrassing tantrum, went home called DH & told him I was crying and rocking in a corner (I wasn't even upset, just pissed off she woke DD & scared DS). DH also older & wiser told her to behave, treat me with respect or he'd cut her off. She immediately had herself carted off in an ambulance with a 'heart attack'. Paramedics only took her because she was extremely obese & multiple health issues but no heart attack readings. I finally just cut her off completely. She quickly realised DH was useless at contact & resorted to ambushing us at home, calling when they were two minutes away. I always had to go out...

The worst part is, she became sick. I refused to help past minding DC do DH was free to do what he needed, which included leaving us to move in with them so MIL could stay home. When she passed, It sounds awful but she was so nasty I couldn't muster anything except relief I never had to deal with her again. FIL remarried immediately & their friends MIL alienated have come back.

The we're lovely until a month before our wedding, so no red flag there.

Long time ago but when l was 20 my dad died and my MIL & FIL totally ignored the loss .. no phone call , no condolences, nothing ….My DH and l went for dinner a few days after and they made forced small talk about everything else,laughing at their own jokes and talking about neighbours etc . I was so young and all l wanted was a hug. When we left my DH said they didn’t want to say anything in case l cried . I was divorced 2 yrs later.

Mine wasn't awful because I was stealing her DS. She walked out on her young dks went off with another man. Admitted to me she was bored and didn't want 3 DC under 4. Immediately had a baby with the other man. He was lovely. She ruled the roost. Treated him like dirt.... admitted it a few years after his early death. Things were ok,as long as you did exactly what she said. Other dks felt and said the same but were more interested in her money. When she took over my ds wedding (DH isn't his dad, she hadn't even seen him since our wedding in the 1990s) and told lies,DH said that'll it, NC. I got the blame for that,it was said I had brainwashed him!

How is it misogyny? What a ridiculous comment.

If anything, I’d argue the opposite. Read the stories people have shared. So many of them are dripping with internalised misogyny and contempt for their DILs because they are women.

Stories where they treat their son like the prize and their DIL like the competition.

Stories where the DIL can never be good enough unless she conforms to the archaic gender norms the MIL thinks define what a woman should be.

Policing their DIL’s body, parenting, work, life choices, boundaries.

And then when their son’s had enough of seeing his DP treated like shit, and distances himself, it’s all the woman’s fault. She’s too emotional, creating drama for the sake of it, etc.

I’ve not seen anyone on this thread showing contempt for women as a category, other than some of the MILs described. Women’s behaviour isn’t above critique simply because they are women.

I do think there’s some generational grace that could be extended sometimes. My MIL (who is now very very poorly and bed bound). Said some hurtful shite to me when I was pregnant again after three miscarriages. I forgive her though but it might be easier for me as she showed me absolutely no malice at any other time. If it’s death by a thousand cuts it lands differently.

I don’t care about what my MIL has said or done to me, but she is every kind of bigot you can imagine and she has been cruel to my kids. She has been nasty to BIL’s kids also and plays them all off against each other. (They’re all intelligent and can see it for what it is…) When DD1 saved her pocket money and bought eyeshadow just before she turned 12, MIL called her a slut. Six weeks later when my DT’s were turning 10, she gave DD2 a big gift box full of eyeshadow, lipsticks and nail polish as well as $50 in a card and her twin brother a small ziplock bag full of used, fake Lego (dirty) and $5.00 in card that said “Don’t be naughty.” They’re nearly 20 now and she’s been dead to us for years.

Yes, the Registrar is at fault here.

OP's prerogative.......

This might seem only small but really got to me.

Ex MIL had been given 2 photos.
One of her grandson (my son) and one of her grandniece.
She put the grand niece in full view on the sideboard and my son up on the top of a wall unit. Not on the top shelf but on the very top of the unit itself, don't even know how she reached it.
You could hardly see it and it got me every time we visited.

I wish I'd spoken out but it's too late now.