Mum asked to stop breastfeeding a TWO YEAR OLD in shoe shop.

[GinaDavva]

Mixed feelings with this one. Shaming a mother publicly breastfeeding a small baby is never acceptable but breastfeeding a two year old child in a shop? Surely at that age a bottle is more convenient in the middle of a shop? My first thought was that this was more about attention than the actual principle of the matter. After breastfeeding 3 of my own I can honestly say there has never been a time where it felt necessary to start breastfeeding any of mine in the middle of a shop at two years old. Frankly at that age they wouldn’t find much in mine anyway!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj3z31jn7v1o

And? Your point being what?

Yes that's right, because as a mother who breastfeeds a toddler I never think to do any of those things.

This is so judgemental though. You've no idea of that womans circumstances. I know someone who bf to that age and her child was autistic and non verbal and when he git distressed for a long time that was the only way to calm him until he got older and they were able to build in more strategies to support him with emotional regulation. I think she's an actual Saint for doing what her child needed above all else. You won't know just from looking the reasons why someone has chosen to bf for longer.

And while some women may feel like they just don't want their child to grow up, I'd say that bf is quite tough on the female body. It's demanding physically and mentally and carries with it lots of changes in terms of hormones etc. So to suggest that loads of women are doing it for longer just because they love doing it that much I think is quite unrealistic and a bit of a myth. Any mums I know who are still bf at 2 or 3 are struggling and doing their best to navigate weaning at the child's pace. I got to 2 and I did enjoy bf but it definitely wasn't an easy thing and I was very ready to stop when ds eventually was. For me it was ultimately important that he stopped gradually and at his pace so it wasn't a sad thing. And my son was a good eater from about 8 months. But again, there's benefits to extended breastfeeding that food doesn't provide in the same way so weaned or not isn't really here nor there.

Exactly. This thread is ridiculous - the naysayers are displaying misogynistic nonsense that serves nobody but the patriarchy and big pharma/formula manufacturers.

I think the neurodivergent point is really relevant. My friend has an autistic son and he needed breastfeeding for comfort long beyond what some on here would consider acceptable.
She stuck with it, it calmed him in many situations he found just too overwhelming. For many it's like an instant nervous system reset. Thankfully she stuck a metaphorical finger up to people who judged her.
He's thriving at school now age 6. I truly believe her kindness and responsiveness to his needs has helped him be the secure little lad he is today.

@Anonymous07200408 @Squirrelmirrel2 probably because in this thread the suggestion that a 2 year old should be treated differently to a baby is greeted with such horror that anybody could ever give a 2 year old anything other then instant gratification and that somehow children are traumatised, damaged, yada yada by their parents not giving in to their needs immediately. We have had a real rise in the number of kids starting school and nursery not meeting their developmental goals , and part of this is the rise of a certain type of parenting .

@Peridoteage

"I do also associate suckling for comfort as young infant behaviour and that as children grow they should be developing more sophisticated ways of being comforted - they should respond to words and hugs and distractions and not only the very basic sensory act of sucking."

I understand your logic, but in reality this is a learned process that takes time. And the major problem with all of this is that you can say a child should have xyz skills by 1 year old but we know that all children develop at different paces. So you cannot apply a finite cut off point for a developmental skill. It also takes no account for the needs of children with SEN by creating the illusion that all kids operate and learn the same way at the same time. It's a nonsense.

So if you acknowledge these are parenting options why are you so upset at the idea that this could be tried with an older child instead of BF when your child is distressed?

😂

As a primary teacher (majority KS1 and EYFS) I know exactly the type of parenting you are referring to.

But it has FA to do with breastfeeding.

Why are you so upset at the idea that breastfeeding could be chosen as one of the options?

Responsive and child centered parenting? Because that's what breastfeeding is. As a person who's worked in early years and works extensively around child development this is not remotely linked to poorer outcomes with education. In fact there's recent studies done that show that children who were breastfed out pace formula fed children educationally. Although I would say there's other factors to take into account with that as well. The type of parenting that causes the issues you mention usually comes hand in hand with poor attachment or intergenerational trauma. We also have much, much better mechanisms in place now for identifying SEN earlier but our schools are also less equipped to deal with it because of funding cuts. Attaching that to extended bf is an absolute nonsense. If you could link to some research between poor educational attainment or behavioural issues that would be great so you aren't just peddling unfounded myths and stereotypes with no basis...?

I think at this age you can just give them a different snack or make them wait a bit. Obviously you shouldn't tell them to stop breastfeeding though.

@Lavender14 I highly doubt you have much if any evidence around extended BF seeing as it’s still relatively rare in the uk. I am talking about the rise of so called gentle parenting not parenting linked to socio economic factors.

I'm not, I'm simply pointing out that none of these are any different to breastfeeding, so therefore the only reason you'd have an issue if breastfeeding was used is because you're uncomfortable with seeing a breast.

What's this got to do with extended breastfeeding?

thats totally fair I am digressing but it’s about the concept that certain people seem to have to meet that child’s needs immediately , that they think it’s harmful for a child to get upset or cry and not being able to say no or wait …. I associate it with younger parents who are following the gentle parenting ideas without understanding the actual parenting part. So I would argue a 2 year old, who isn’t reliant on BF for nutrition , and who is also at the stage of developing verbal language ,emotions and independence away from their mother, should be capable of being comforted in other ways and that BF on demand isn’t necessary at this age. I dont think that’s a revolutionary concept ..obviously many people believe otherwise ( poll is currently 55 to 45 %) but if we repeated that poll considering a BF child at age 3 or at age 4 you would likely see that percentage change, I highly doubt many would believe a child of school age should still be BF on demand . So ultimately the debate is at what age is it considered the norm to stop BF on demand .

But what I'm asking, which no one seems to be able to answer, is WHY the other forms of comfort you and others have listed are more appropriate than a breastfeed? It is fine to hug my 2 year old in public but not to breastfeed them is what you're saying, isn't it?

I guess it isn't the "only option." But what people are saying is why shouldn't it be "an" option.

I have only ever seen it done discreetly that I can think of. People are acting as if the mother peels of her blouse and struts round the public place with her breasts on display, waving her nipple and shouting "latch on!!". In reality it is really just the back of a little head that gets seen.

Formula companies did it on purpose, over many, many years.

I suppose ideas about class also had something to do with it - Queen Victoria has a lot to answer for.

I think because it seems to indicate a lack of other parenting skills? Again, I wouldn’t ever comment as I don’t have a problem with people BF but I am questioning why it is needed for a 2 year old in the UK. I have lived and worked in 3 other countries I think all of which have higher BF rates than the UK ( not hard I know) and I honestly can’t remember ever seeing anyone BF an older child in public.

But if you see me hug my two year old I assume you aren't sat there thinking that must be the only way I know how to comfort them? But yet if you saw me breastfeed them, that's the assumption you'd make - can you really not see how illogical that is?

Actually I think even in Victorian times breastfeeding was acceptable for upper class mothers - at least before bottle hygiene improved.

There were wet nurses of course, but I think that was more about freeing women up for other social duties than because of boob-fear.

https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a25835359/queen-victoria-children/

'She was also deeply critical of breastfeeding, considering it a "ruin" to intelligent young women—so much so, in fact, that she wrote in her diary upon finding out that her own daughters had chosen to breastfeed, "It makes my hair stand on end that my daughters have turned into cows."'

Extended breastfeeding also, as is demonstrated by the attitudes on this thread, is widely assumed to be solely the preserve of very hippy, lentil weavy parents who call their children Ocean, dress them in tie dye and never say no to them.

It was, but Victoria despised it, and the country often tended to follow her lead.