Mum asked to stop breastfeeding a TWO YEAR OLD in shoe shop.

[GinaDavva]

Mixed feelings with this one. Shaming a mother publicly breastfeeding a small baby is never acceptable but breastfeeding a two year old child in a shop? Surely at that age a bottle is more convenient in the middle of a shop? My first thought was that this was more about attention than the actual principle of the matter. After breastfeeding 3 of my own I can honestly say there has never been a time where it felt necessary to start breastfeeding any of mine in the middle of a shop at two years old. Frankly at that age they wouldn’t find much in mine anyway!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj3z31jn7v1o

Again, the idea that it is traumatising for a 2 year old not to be BF on demand and that their parent could develop some other skills for managing their distress, is somewhat laughable! BF is incredibly important , nobody should be telling anyone else not to BF and hopefully more and more women will be successful in doing so ….but we sometimes over attribute benefits far too much to BF older children that is really not evidenced …..and there is far more to successful parenting than automatic BF whenever your child is distressed.

The toilet apparently. 🙄🙄

I'm really sorry that you have inappropriate sexual feelings about toddlers feeding from their mother's breasts. Please don't project them onto other mothers.

I'm surprised there are people with such weird, prudish hang ups about breastfeeding and potentially seeing part of a breast 😱😱😱 Have they thought of not staring at the woman's breast? I guess they are worried about being turned on by it, but that's not the mother's fault they have a fetish about seeing a mother feeding a child and are embarrassed by that. Most people aren't sick like that.
The Victorians were supposed to he prudish but they wouldn't have been bothered by a breastfeeding mother.

So are you telling me that if your 2yo had a favourite cuddly toy, and that toy brought them massive comfort and sense of security and made them feel safe etc. And you were out in a shop and your 2yo got upset because they felt a bit sick or sore or ready for their nap or whatever (they can't really quite telll you yet) you'd say - no sorry darling your cuddly toy is only for bedtime, even though you had it in your handbag and could give it to them because you were worried about what other people would think? Even though there's no reason why you couldn't give them the cuddly toy?

For me the only difference in all of this is the sexualisation of women's breasts as opposed to focusing on their purpose as a source of nutrition and comfort for small children and babies.

"we sometimes over attribute benefits far too much to BF older children that is really not evidenced"

There is SO much evidence on the health and cognitive benefits for mother and baby. I'm not sure why you keep saying its not really evidenced when there is a lot of evidence and that's why the WHO and PHA promote 2 as the minimum age for breastfeeding weaning. That's based on research and evidence.

"there is far more to successful parenting than automatic BF whenever your child is distressed." Of course there is, but why should a parent have to offer an alternative when bf is an easy and convenient option?

Ever heard the saying that you can't do your best parenting when you're worrying about what others will think?

You’re talking about a toddler as if they’re supposed to have the emotional regulation of an older child. Toddlers don’t “self soothe” in the way you’re describing, they learn to calm down through a caregiver, not by being pushed to cope alone.

And dragging in nursery, working mums, and dental issues doesn’t suddenly make withholding comfort good for development. If you want to talk about brushing teeth after night feeds, fine, but that has nothing to do with whether you respond to a distressed toddler.

You’re treating normal dependence as a problem and normal comfort as spoiling. That’s not child focused, it’s just adult convenience framed as parenting advice.

The cuddly toy is a good example to be fair.

Initially, my line of thoughts were ''If my 2 year old was whining because they were hungry, I'd tell them they have to wait for a snack until we got out of the shop'' but if my 2 year old wanted his cuddly toy....I'd just give it to him.

Maybe I've changed my mind. 🤔

People who are repulsed by breastfeeding in public as they see it as a sexual thing to be done in private really need to change their perverted way of thinking. None of them would be repulsed by a mother giving a child a cup of milk in public.

There are some awfully aggressive women on here. I feel there is sometimes an element of at least some mothers just not wanting their child to grow up because they still want a ‘baby’ and where they themselves instigate it and are getting more from it rather than because the child actually needs to do it when they are already clearly weaned.

I remember when I lived in east London there was a woman who used to sit at the bus stop every week breastfeeding a little boy of easily five or six years old. He was so big his feet touched the ground as he laid across her. I always felt that it was more about what she herself was getting from the arrangement than because the child was desperate for nourishment.

But the cuddly toy comparison means the bf isn’t about nutrition

ive Never been to Poole and I don’t know this shoe shop. If it’s very small and her being in there with her family not buying anything meant other customers were deterred then I can see why they had a problem. If it’s big enough then can see her point

I’m sure you’ll agree that getting your breasts out in public is hardly comparable to giving a child a glass of milk.

so alternative situation , daddy is in the shop ,with the same distressed 2 year old - how does daddy comfort that toddler? Or does mummy always need to be present? How do you think toddlers learn ? Do we always give children the option that’s easiest for ourselves or do we support them to learn other behaviours that mean they will be less distressed in future situations? You aren’t thinking ahead. And , no, there is really very little evidence of the benefits of continuing to feed older children past 2 in developed countries, otherwise the guidance would be to carry on as long as possible!

The above is in response to your post.

The trauma isnt in denying a child BF, its in absorbing/projecting/perpetuating messages that there is something wrong with BFing a child.

It isn't 'getting your breasts out'. Its feeding a child.

the getting the breasts out in public is odd as you can’t see anything anyway!! It’s not like the woman sits there topless!

But you are happy to perpetuate the idea that mothers who can’t or don’t do extended BF are somehow traumatising their child or not nurturing them properly?

Where did you get that idea from?

There is plenty of evidence for extended breastfeeding. You’re being totally reductive. Nobody is saying that bf a toddler is the only way to comfort them. But is is an easy, quick and guaranteed way to do it. You are advocating “teaching” a child to self soothe. So presumably not offering comfort when they are distressed but making them tolerate the discomfort. There is plenty of evidence that this is not optimal for a child and can cause trauma if done repeatedly. No I won’t provide links because I’m off to collect my 14 year old (who is incidentally not still breastfeeding) from school.

I always find comments like this the worst when it comes to this debate. Firstly this post is about a toddler who is 2, not 5 or 6. I couldn't possibly comment on the woman that you were quietly judging whilst she fed her own child peacefully at the bus stop.
I breastfed all my children to two, but I know many people who breastfeed beyond that. I have never known a mother breastfeed this long because she wants her child to still be a baby. A breastfed toddler is usually very attached to breastfeeding. Taking away a very natural form of comfort can be difficult for them. There are lots of women wanting to stop but finding it very hard and there are plenty who want to continue as it feels right for their child they believe in the benefits.
What truly irritates me about comments like these it is confirms that there are people out there watching and judging these mothers, thinking they are selfish or gross ot that they've developed some weird and damaging desire to babyify their child. It's this attitude that confines mothers to their homes or makes them feel ashamed. Sometimes it makes women force wean children and cause them distress. How someone can look at a toddler breastfeeding and think it is weird is totally beyond me.

Perhaps if you read the quotes I was replying to when you quoted my message. I am arguing that a 2 year old doesn’t need on demand BF and that parenting a distressed 2 year old involves developing other skills seeing as a 2 year old is not attached to its mum 24/7.

How ridiculously judgmental! Some babies feel more comfortable breastfeeding will refuse a bottle, so it is utterly disgusting to shame the mother. If your child is hungry, then you're going to feed them because otherwise they will kick up a fuss and not feeding them is neglect! As part of the equality act, mothers breastfeeding is something they have a right to do anywhere when it's needed. World health organization actually recommend breastfeeding until two years and beyond, so that mother is doing the best for her child! Breastfeeding also provides anti-bodies to stop them getting sick! Do you want to get a child sick?!

Nearly all 2 year olds are permanently with an attachment figure. Maybe not their primary one. Most of whom will comfort them in some way if they are distressed - they should not be being forced to tolerate distress. This could be a nursery worker or a dad for example.

Exactly so why is BF the only option at age 2?

2 year olds adapt their behaviour to the person they're with. They don't expect people who aren't their mother to breastfeed them. It's as simple as that. It doesn't cause problems with their behaviour in other contexts any more than having one bedtime routine at home causes children problems having naps a different way at nursery.

You might know the answers to these questions if you'd ever breastfed a 2 year old. Breastfeeding a toddler isn't easy on the mother. It doesn't always easily fit around work or around other people's expectations. You might find yourself thrown out of a shop for instance. Or leered at by a creep. Or chastised by other women online (who ought to know better). That's why so few women do it (in our culture). It's something to choose as a child led way of parenting which is completely developmentally appropriate... Which is why children and their mothers are perfectly adapted to do so well into toddlerhood. Do you think evolution got this wrong and it's modern consumerism that has shown us the light?

The guidance is to breastfeed for a minimum of 2 years, in other words, yes to carry on beyond that as you wish. There hasn't been a lot of research into extended breastfeeding, because research has to be funded, and this often comes from companies who are setting out to sell a product. Breast milk isn't a product that can be sold. There is good anthropological evidence to suggest that extended breastfeeding is our evolutionary norm. So what evidence do you have to support discouraging, shaming and/or penalising this entirely normal human behaviour?

Why do you think breastfeeding a child now is setting them up for distress? Do you have anything to back this up? There are lots of things we do to comfort young children which they gradually move away from. We don't need to force very small children to grow up. They grow up whether we want them to or not.

Are you going to move onto cuddling next? Comfort toys? Did you decide at what age you were going to wean these activities? Have you ever said "Darling you're 4 now, so mummy's not going to sing twinkle twinkle any more, it's not appropriate and what would people think when you go to secondary school?"

What this comes down to is patriarchal sexualization of women's breasts. They are an organ whose primary purpose is to feed and comfort infants and children. End of. If you find breastfeeding children too sexy to comfortable with it, that's really a you problem.