DH wants to meet up with his ex while abroad with work

[Erns]

My DH used to live and work in Paris many years ago, he’s currently in Paris for 2 weeks for work and has decided to remain over the weekend.
Apparently his ex who he still follows on instagram (I don’t mind this) has seen on of the stories he’s posted and asked if he wants to meet up while there. DH said he’s keen to go, they are both married now, we have a DC, but it would be nice to catch up with an old friend.
I don’t think I’d mind if it were a group setting but from the sounds of it, it would just be the two of them, sharing wine in one of the worlds most romantic cities and that makes me feel a bit strange about it. I don’t doubt his loyalty, I’d never imagine he would cheat on me but I guess it’s just a little different when it’s his ex?
AIBU to be hesitant to allowing this?

Completely agree. Post after post on this thread insulting women and assuming all men must deep down be lusting after their exes. No recognition that some of us have dated people we like, even if things didn’t work out, and assuming that there is no way to continue to like them and hang out with them without wanting to jump into bed with them. What a miserable way to live.

I've commented previously about how Paris can be fucking miserable and un-romantic at this time of year. Also how my DP used to work frequently in Paris and once spent Valentine's day at dinner with 3 colleagues, including 2 women.

Thing is, even though Paris is my favourite city in the world (been there many times, with family, friends, my ex and now DP) I'm secure enough in my relationship to trust him not to hop into bed or some sort of inappropriate dinner situation with anyone.

The ONLY time I'd be pissed would be if it was his ex wife, who's caused us no end of problems over the years. Someone from a time before me, no worries. He's never given me reason not to trust him, we're open about this sort of stuff with each other. I'm not a cool wife - I don't approve of strip clubs and the like not because I don't trust him but because of what they stand for - but I am a secure woman in a healthy relationship and he knows he'd have his balls in his hands if he tried anything like that anyway

But you don't mind totally disrespecting his intentions to just have a catch up with nothing more going on admit it, you just don't trust him.

I would have no problem with it. If he was up to no good he'd have just done it and not told you, after all there isn't much likelihood of you finding out. He was upfront so why not?

No I wouldn't like it. If he was extending his trip I'd be assuming it was for me to fly over and be with him.

You know him so you have to make the call. Both my partner and I have seen exes over the years and of course there was no reason not to because neither of us would cheat - they're exes for a reason right? It's awful to not trust your OH.

Depends if you trust him? As you should trust him OP 💕
I trust my fella 💯 but he would probably invite me over of he had to stay in Paris for longer.

Now if you don't trust him, then thats different. OP your chap said he's keen to go? 🤔
What would he say if the roles were reversed? 🤨
Would he be happy for you to meet with your ex for a catch up in Paris? 😬

It's whether you trust him /feel comfortable. Just tell him how you feel 💐

I hate Paris it's filthy, largely unfriendly and yes I actually do live somewhere I consider close to paradise :)

I don’t think she is triggered at all. If anything I would say it is a bit of projection on your side!

A person can very occasionally meet with their ex- and have no desire to gimp mask either themselves or their wife.

You say being uncomfortable is a normal human emotion- but you haven’t explained why you think one spouse should be compelled to live their lives in a way that the other only gets to feel “comfortable”. (Assuming they aren’t just lying because they’re abusive.)

It really begs the question - where does it stop for you. Do you expect people to erase chunks of their lives for you? And even if they did - you still can’t control what’s happening inside their head, you can’t make them hate their ex. Even if that makes you feel ‘Uncomfortable’.

I wouldn’t have a problem with this either, except maybe the weekend at home with the kids alone 😅 But I am friends with a long term ex, and would happily have a coffee or drink with others who I still come across through work sometimes.
My partner of 15 years is friends with one ex, they’ve had drinks without me and speak occasionally.
I think if a man is going to cheat on a business trip, there’s plenty of opportunity all around. Wouldn’t necessarily be worried about an ex

I still follow my exes on insta, and I am a woman (and a wife).

Does it make me a "cool wife"? Yipee 😂

I am sorry that someone hurt you so badly that you are this angry with people for having a different opinion to you. Not all relationships end as badly as yours clearly have. Sometimes people aren't compatible as a couple but still like each other and remaining friendly and in social media contact is perfectly normal for many of us.

I still can't see anywhere that OP has said this is an ex-wife rather than merely a former girlfriend, nor that she has said anything about a cosy lunch. These are figments of your imagination, along with your diversion into vanilla sex and gimp masks.

I'd be [maybe slightly reluctantly!] OK with this – I think it's important that people are treated as adults.

I don't think it's your choice to 'let' him or 'not let him'.

I recently met up with a former colleague / former lover who I had last seen 30 years ago (he moved to Australia). All we had in common was the times we spent working together and tbh it did rekindle some thoughts of how things used to be. It left me a bit unsettled for a week or so. And it left me feeling glad that he lives on the other side of the world.

But all of that was about my own processing, my own settling back into the great relationship I have with dh, and all our ongoing and long-term memories (good and bad).

If dh had not 'let' me meet the ex, I think the longing/limerance/imagining would have been greater.