DH wants to meet up with his ex while abroad with work

[Erns]

My DH used to live and work in Paris many years ago, he’s currently in Paris for 2 weeks for work and has decided to remain over the weekend.
Apparently his ex who he still follows on instagram (I don’t mind this) has seen on of the stories he’s posted and asked if he wants to meet up while there. DH said he’s keen to go, they are both married now, we have a DC, but it would be nice to catch up with an old friend.
I don’t think I’d mind if it were a group setting but from the sounds of it, it would just be the two of them, sharing wine in one of the worlds most romantic cities and that makes me feel a bit strange about it. I don’t doubt his loyalty, I’d never imagine he would cheat on me but I guess it’s just a little different when it’s his ex?
AIBU to be hesitant to allowing this?

This is an excellent answer and I totally agree.

Paris is a shit hole?

Where do you live? Heaven?

I wouldn't have a problem with this personally - in fact, something not dissimilar happened a few years ago when DH met an ex for a drink when she came to London for work (she lives in Vienna). It didn't occur to me to mind. (Though I'm pretty sure that if I had minded he wouldn't have gone.)
I'm close friends with a couple of my exes (as is DH, we've all known each other for years). We've been on holiday together with our families etc. One of them lives in another country, and the occasions he's visited and I've been available and DH hasn't, the two of us have been out for dinner.
But it's how you feel that is what matters here, and if you're uneasy, I think you should express that.

Situations like this can build trust and strengthen your relationship tbh. If I were in your DH's shoes I know I'd feel really close to my spouse knowing that they trusted me 100% and knew that I would be faithful. I'd be a bit concerned tbh if they were worried I couldn't be trusted, and wonder if there were deeper problems ongoing with the marriage.

In Paris. And its freezing and grey right now! @BlueEyedBogWitch

I don't unfollow anyone on social media unless they did something awful. Therefore I am still following most of my exes. Bar one who did do something awful. It seems aggressive to unfollow someone just because the romantic relationship did not work out. I mean everyone is different but I do find it strange people saying having anything to do with your ex is some sign you aren't fully invested in your current partner. Seems a bit childish to me.
I'd fully expect any grown adult to have exes from long term relationships that they still cared about as friends. In fact it would be a massive red flag to me if anyone over 30 had no contact with any exes from any ltr. I'd think there was some level of volatility there. Either they weren't very emotionally stable or they didn't care about sexual partners as human beings and wrte just done with them when the sex stopped.

YABU - if you can't trust him then it isn't a good relationship. If you do trust him but just feel uneasy then remind yourself you trust him and don't try to stop him going. I would share your feelings about it with him though and say whilst you support him going it does make you uneasy.

She means the weekend in the middle of the two week stretch

Reading this, im glad my husband trusts me. Ive stayed on friendly terms with exs, would meet up for a meal if in same town, one has even come and stopped the night here. I dont have an issue with my husband doing the same.

Your mot unreasonable but your feelings need to be talked about in a genuine way to your partner / husband about how this makes you feel.
There is nothing wrong in needing reassurance and asking him why he feels he wants to meet up with his ex when he has you.

I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all.

Again, the coolwives will be along to pretend it's normal to keep following an ex on insta. It's not, of course, it's odd. But the same desperate to please women will tell you that no matter what manky kink he's into you're just being "vanilla" and you're not "sex positive" if you don't embrace the gimp suit 😆

It's all on a spectrum of having no boundaries and allowing men to do anything, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you, anything to sound cool (in their own minds) rather than admit to normal human emotions and concerns about inappropriate behaviour.

You don't want him to do this, so ask him not to. Not having a cosy lunch in Paris with your ex wife is a normal, non controversial and completely standard boundary. If he pretends not to understand your concerns, he will be lying.

If he insists you know you have a real problem.

I think deep inside you are not glad to be single.

If he's already there and already decided to saty the weekend extra, that would tell me theres a good chance they've already been meeting up, and the weekend is the fun bit..... only you know him well enough to know how likely this is

Cities don’t make romance, people do. You can ‘t prevent or approve. People do what they want to do. So just say it’s ok. Time will tell the outcome.

I genuinely wouldn't be bothered. If he married me and created a family with me, that’s all that I need to know.

If he chose to cross any lines, thats on him, not me. I am still friends with a couple of exs and wouldn’t dream about going back there, I might still
enjoy their company but they are ex’s for a reason.

Why so hostile to people who are ok with stuff you're not ok with?

Why pretend you think a person making an everyday and uncontroversial observation is hostile?

You appear to be triggered - and that's a you problem :)

I met my ex, my dh was fine about it. He had been in my life a long time, I knew all his family, cared about him and them, it was great to catch up. The past happened but it's the past.

FFS. Exes can be friends. A cheating husband will cheat whatever you “allow” him to do. So you either trust him or you don’t. And if you don’t, you shouldn’t be with him.

I’d be wondering what in my marriage is making me feel so insecure that I’m worrying about my DH sleeping with his ex wife the minute he sees her in another country. Not saying it’s not possible but I would really explore where these feelings are coming from, why they are there and why you don’t trust your husband.

I wouldn't have an issue with this. Both me and my husband have met up with exes before. From my point of view my exes are nice people, I have no attraction to them any more, it's nice to hear about their life now

No, it was a genuine question - I honestly couldn't see where you were coming from.

But given your reply, I suspect that you just want to stir up a big old spat, so I'll leave it there.

Nope, it wasn't a genuine question.

And given your reply I can see you just want to stir and argue, so it would be great if you left it there.

You insist on repeatedly insulting women who trust their partners - in this post alone you’ve called them ‘coolwives’ who are ‘desperate to please’. It’s fine to have your own opinions and insecurities of course, but you’re the one who seems triggered by people who don’t share them. Maybe get off the internet for a bit and have a breather.