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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Utter sh!t in the bedroom!! Help

120 replies

Sprinklecake97 · 19/11/2025 21:14

I’m honestly at my wits’ end. My partner is so selfish in bed and I’m getting completely turned off him. He makes no effort with foreplay at all — his idea of it is sticking a finger in me for a minute or two in the wrong place, and it literally feels like he’s digging around. Then he thinks that’s enough and we’re good to go. I’ve expressed this to him several times, to the point where I’ve got quite savage and said “it just feels shit” or “you don’t even bother to turn me on and you still expect sex,” but nothing changes. The other night I snapped and asked if he actually gets off on having sex with me dry and he just laughed. He’s in his 30s and should know better. I’m starting to avoid him because he thinks he’s getting sex every night even though it’s completely awful. I end up thinking about my ex just to get through it because otherwise I’m lying there waiting for it to be over. It honestly feels like he’s trying to have sex with sandpaper at this point, and he genuinely believes he’s good in bed when it’s absolutely terrible. I don’t know what to do anymore.

OP posts:
JudgeBread · 19/11/2025 21:15

🚪🏃‍♀️💨💨💨

AgingLikeGazpacho · 19/11/2025 21:15

🚮

Brightbluesomething · 19/11/2025 21:15

LTB. Immediately. No one should have to put up with this.

Arlanymor · 19/11/2025 21:16

JudgeBread · 19/11/2025 21:15

🚪🏃‍♀️💨💨💨

This... with maybe another million 💨

Maureenwasacat · 19/11/2025 21:16

How have you made it this far? Sounds entirely selfish!

GrandHighVitch · 19/11/2025 21:17

Stop having sex with him. And if you can’t live with no sex or crap sex then leave him.

Cookingupmyfirstbornson · 19/11/2025 21:17

Put up or shut up... Or you know... LEAVE

BlackeyedSusan · 19/11/2025 21:17

Got it in one reply.

Namechangewksjhsksjsv · 19/11/2025 21:17

I voted yabu for lying there and taking it every night. Words aren't working. Time for action.

PumpkinTwistyWindToots · 19/11/2025 21:17

Ummm...stop having sex with him??

lalaloopyhead · 19/11/2025 21:18

How did he progress to being your partner?

Nushi21 · 19/11/2025 21:20

Goodness me! He needs to grow up.
So sorry for you though, it’s not fair to put up with his crap.
I’m glad you said partner and not husband. Girl get rid of him.
Theres one thing being shit and taking on board what your partner says and working on yourself then there’s pure ignorance. He’s acting like a bloody inexperienced sex mad teenager.
How can anyone take him seriously enough if he can’t even listen to his partner in the most intimate of times?!

TemuTrinny · 19/11/2025 21:21

I don’t understand the problem. Leave him.

shhblackbag · 19/11/2025 21:21

I've expressed this to him several times, to the point where I’ve got quite savage and said “it just feels shit” or “you don’t even bother to turn me on and you still expect sex,” but nothing changes. The other night I snapped and asked if he actually gets off on having sex with me dry and he just laughed.

Read this as many times as it takes for you to know that this man is awful and even potentially dangerous (who laughs at that question?) and get yourself away from him. Shit sex is bad enough. To me, this is about more than that. Please look after yourself.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 19/11/2025 21:24

But doesn’t that hurt?? Are you consenting to this??

leave him. That’s incredibly selfish and he’s laughing?!

Sprinklecake97 · 19/11/2025 21:25

Nushi21 · 19/11/2025 21:20

Goodness me! He needs to grow up.
So sorry for you though, it’s not fair to put up with his crap.
I’m glad you said partner and not husband. Girl get rid of him.
Theres one thing being shit and taking on board what your partner says and working on yourself then there’s pure ignorance. He’s acting like a bloody inexperienced sex mad teenager.
How can anyone take him seriously enough if he can’t even listen to his partner in the most intimate of times?!

Thank you for such a kind reply 🩷. It wasn’t always like this, but I think it’s time to go. You’ve described him exactly how I’ve put it across to him. We have two children together, so if it had always been this bad I’d have run a mile, but it wasn’t. Any advice on how to end it amicably?
@Nushi21

OP posts:
Trashracoon · 19/11/2025 21:26

Life is far too short for bad sex, if he isn’t willing to take on board what you’re telling him and by the seems of it you’ve told him multiple times, then he’s being stubborn and rather selfish.

so no, you aren’t being unreasonable at all, and I’d question if this is the kind of intimacy you want for life.

MagnoliatheMagnificent · 19/11/2025 21:28

Lube! Tell him very clearly - use this or you’re out the door. Better still chuck him out!!

KitsyWitsy · 19/11/2025 21:31

God. How bloody awful. Stop letting him get away with it.

next time he wants sex, say no. You don’t enjoy it anymore.

Phonicshaskilledmeoff · 19/11/2025 21:35

Going a bit against the grain here, but You have a life and children together. As much as I’d say ltb, it is only bedroom activities that’s the problem? Is he an otherwise good partner?
If so, surely it’s something that could be worked on, particularly if it used to work. Sounds extreme to see a therapist over this, but if the other option is leaving an otherwise good man that’s the route I’d take.
I couldn’t look the kids in the eye if I hadn’t tried everything else first personally.

176509user · 19/11/2025 21:35

So he enjoys sex with an unwilling partner ? What does that say about him ?

Importantly, why are you letting him have sex with you ?
Surely it’s time to dump him ?

There is no amicable way unfortunately. Just tell him he’s crap in bed and youre not putting up with it any more. End of.

Arlanymor · 19/11/2025 21:48

Massive drip feed with children suddenly in the picture - you must have enjoyed sex with him at some point then? I think that due to that vital piece of information being missing that most people thought he was a new(ish) partner, I certainly did.

mambonumberfive · 19/11/2025 21:48

There’s much more to it than just just bad sex - he knows he is causing you pain and doesn’t care, he’s not listening to you, he’s actively laughing at you when you are trying to discuss issues constructively… I can’t imagine that he’s Mr Perfect the rest of the time here?!?!?! Any of these issues in isolation would merit LTB.

You deserve so much better than this, as an absolute bare minimum you deserve to be respected. Please don’t put up with this any more xx

Edwinstarrihavefaithinyou · 19/11/2025 21:51

I did laugh at the poke a finger in and dig a bit sorry op you deserve more.

pinkypoo8 · 19/11/2025 22:04

I would tell him he's terrible in bed and you have wanted to tell him for ages and you're off to find yourself someone who knows how to please a woman and watch his self-esteem fall through the floor 🤨can't say he doesn't deserve it ... oh dear what a shame... you are left with no alternative but to shame him and let him know he's shit in the sack

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