Utter sh!t in the bedroom!! Help

[Sprinklecake97]

I’m honestly at my wits’ end. My partner is so selfish in bed and I’m getting completely turned off him. He makes no effort with foreplay at all — his idea of it is sticking a finger in me for a minute or two in the wrong place, and it literally feels like he’s digging around. Then he thinks that’s enough and we’re good to go. I’ve expressed this to him several times, to the point where I’ve got quite savage and said “it just feels shit” or “you don’t even bother to turn me on and you still expect sex,” but nothing changes. The other night I snapped and asked if he actually gets off on having sex with me dry and he just laughed. He’s in his 30s and should know better. I’m starting to avoid him because he thinks he’s getting sex every night even though it’s completely awful. I end up thinking about my ex just to get through it because otherwise I’m lying there waiting for it to be over. It honestly feels like he’s trying to have sex with sandpaper at this point, and he genuinely believes he’s good in bed when it’s absolutely terrible. I don’t know what to do anymore.

If he's selfish and inconsiderate in the bedroom, he will be the same in the other aspects of his life.

He won't be a good father, he won't be a goid partner. He will be doing what suits him, when it suits him.

I'd call him out bluntly. Sex is out because he is shit in bed. An extended dry spell might make him re-evaluate his choices.

How did you come to the conclusion that all he needs to do us use lube?

Give him an ultimatum, this is something you work on together or there is no more sex! Really he should be pleasuring you to orgasm before his penis gets anywhere near you. Tell him that. Make it very clear you won’t be having sex with him until he can make you orgasm in other ways

I honestly wouldn’t go into this expecting it to go amicably. He's completely selfish and seems to care very little for you. So… I imagine he’ll act like that throughout the breakup. Regardless I think you deserve 1 million times better and should leave him. Good luck!

Have your knitting bag by the side of the bed to make it more interesting.

I put YABU because YABU still to be with him! End it!

Oh crap, just seen that you have kids together 😫 I thought it was a more casual thing. Still, he doesn’t seem very nice.

Ummm. The whole “sex while dry” and him laughing?

I mean….that’s HUGE red flag. 🚩

Wtf. I voted YABU because you haven't dumped him yet

He's essentially assaulting you. Has he gone into some misogynist rabbit hole which means he now believes you don't deserve respect?

No more sex with him. Tell him to sleep on the sofa.

It's not the fact he's shit it's the fact he's not listening or trying to pleasure you. Finish it,he doesn't give a shit about you .

I voted YABU because any woman having sex that she doesn’t actually enjoy is baffling. Why would you? You don’t have to consent to this. Expect better.

Sex should be mutually enjoyable with enthusiastic consent.

If he is pressuring you for sex, that's not freely given consent. It's abuse.

This. Who is forcing you to do anything except yourself

This.

Being a bit clueless in bed is one thing, but it's entirely another to LAUGH when your partner expresses how unpleasant they find it. He knows it's awful for you and he just doesn't care. Please run for the hills.

You say you tell him but nothing changes. Actions speak louder than words. Just stop.

I understand you have children together but please please leave this man. Jesus's christ just find a way to end it. Life is too short to waste it in misery. He does not give a shit about you. You may as well be a blow up doll.

I think the fact he laughed when you raised it as an issue says it all. He doesn't care, he may even enjoy your discomfort.

If he won't change, and it sounds like he won't, you need to leave. The lack of respect will spread to other aspects of your life if you stay.

Read her post. She’s talked to him about it and he doesn’t care - he actually laughed at her when she told him she wasn’t turned on.

OP, please leave him. He’s appalling.

Eww no, put the whole man in the bin. Bye.
why are you with this person? They clearly don’t respect you. Have they always been like this?
Stop having sex with him if it’s not enjoyable to you, you are not obligated to have sex with him.

I’m curious as to how things went from ‘not always being like that’ to so bloody awful, with him not only not caring about your pleasure but actively dismissing the fact that he is hurting you.

However, given the current situation, you need to…

• Henceforth refuse sex
• Get those proverbial ducks in a row, with a view to LTB asap.

Given that he has made his contempt of you quite clear there are no other options.

I've voted YABU, not because this is your fault, but because you're allowing this situation to continue. If he's not doing it for you and not listening to you when you complain, then stop having sex with him! He has no incentive to change or put in any extra effort whilst he's still getting his end away.

Leave. Him.

Why do you refer to this cretin as your “partner “???