Utter sh!t in the bedroom!! Help

[Sprinklecake97]

I’m honestly at my wits’ end. My partner is so selfish in bed and I’m getting completely turned off him. He makes no effort with foreplay at all — his idea of it is sticking a finger in me for a minute or two in the wrong place, and it literally feels like he’s digging around. Then he thinks that’s enough and we’re good to go. I’ve expressed this to him several times, to the point where I’ve got quite savage and said “it just feels shit” or “you don’t even bother to turn me on and you still expect sex,” but nothing changes. The other night I snapped and asked if he actually gets off on having sex with me dry and he just laughed. He’s in his 30s and should know better. I’m starting to avoid him because he thinks he’s getting sex every night even though it’s completely awful. I end up thinking about my ex just to get through it because otherwise I’m lying there waiting for it to be over. It honestly feels like he’s trying to have sex with sandpaper at this point, and he genuinely believes he’s good in bed when it’s absolutely terrible. I don’t know what to do anymore.

He wouldn't be touching me AT ALL.

So he was always good in bed and all of a sudden he's shit?

No, it isn't rape.

I end up thinking about my ex just to get through it because otherwise I’m lying there waiting for it to be over.

If he's shit in bed and you're lay there thinking about your ex then why are you even together?!

Yes this. He doesnt care about your pleasure. The only way you can improve the situation for you is to leave him.

And for goodness sake do not have sex with him any more.

What I don't understand is, surely most men watch porn don't they? He must have picked up some tips by now. Give him some lesbian porn to watch and tell him what you want. I don't like or watch porn but there is stuff out there that is made for women and isnt all horrible. If he still doesn't get it then he doesn't deserve a partner.

So you think she should stay with him knowing he’s going to pressure for sex every day that she doesn’t want? Children pick up on dysfunctional relationships and then replicate them in their adult life. No such thing as staying together for the kids. They absolutely know.

Porn, even lesbian porn, is all about visuals. It doesn’t actually show genuine female pleasure

How has this even got this far? You should never put up with unsatisfactory selfish sex. You’re not compatible sexually end of. Honestly I wouldn’t get past 1 or 2 attempts of such dreadful sex.
My husband who whilst isn’t perfect, is very giving during sex and if he senses that I”ve lost interest (if I’ve climaxed before him for example), he totally looses interest himself and what gets him off is my pleasure, and the fact that he’s making me feel like that.
You deserve better, it won’t improve, move on.

So he wasn't always like this and now he is? Any other signs of him wanting you to kick him out so he can end the relationship without being the bad guy?

Lol yes! V much sounds like it, poor OP

I clearly won’t get any good tips here about what on earth to do with my towering junk piles so will bid you adieu and head over to housekeeping!

All the very best OP, you certainly do deserve so much better 🌸

Just say you are no longer romantically interested in him and you want to discuss logistics of separation. Start communicating only about those things.

Are you moving out or is he?

What you gonna do with your free weekends? :D

You don't need to be modelled intimacy to know how to do it.

Sex isn't a skill. It's a physical expression of love and care. There's no 'good' or 'bad' that you can score. It's about wanting to see your partner pleasured.

He doesn't need porn. He needs to want to see OP pleasured.

You don't owe him sex just .because you are in a relationship, it sounds revolting just stop having sex, he can .diy if he wants a release.

If she isn't consenting, it's rape. OP hasn't been clear hereand maybe she's not made it clear to her partner, but it sounds like she doesn't want it and certainly doesn't enjoy it. If she says No to him and he carries on anyway, it is rape. Look up the legal definition.

Why have you got to the point of calling him your partner if the sex is so bad, in my younger years when dating if the sex was shit I ended it (this was when I was uni age!). I did usually give them a second go in case it was nerves or something but twice was my max for anyone shit in bed. Ditch him, if he's managed to reach his 30's and thinks that's how you have sex there's no hope!!! Just dump him, life is too short for shit sex!

YABU for putting up with it. Kick him out.

Then he thinks that’s enough and we’re good to go. I’ve expressed this to him several times, to the point where I’ve got quite savage and said “it just feels shit” or “you don’t even bother to turn me on and you still expect sex,” but nothing changes

"It feels shit" isn't not consenting.

Unless the OP is actually saying "No, I don't want to have sex" or "Please stop it's hurting" - and her husband is carrying on - then it is still consensual.

Regardless of legal definitions, "it feels shit" should be enough for any normal human being to stop and think maybe I shouldn't keep doing this, how can we make this better for you?

OP, he sounds awful. What happens if you say outright no? When did he change from being decent at it to totally shit?

Regardless of legal definitions, "it feels shit" should be enough for any normal human being to stop and think maybe I shouldn't keep doing this

Well quite. But it's not rape.

Which is why I said OP hasn't been clear on here. I went on to clarify my point by explaining that if she said 'No' and he carried on, that would be rape.

I agree. She should be saying No and making it clear that she's not giving consent if she really doesn't want sex with him. Some men might take the hint of her saying 'it feels shit' but some need it spelling out in words of one syllable. Then it would be rape if he carried on regardless.

Oh God,this was my ex

Few kisses,a squeeze of a nipple and he was good to go

I wasn't

It was shit and I stayed with him for far too long

It's a long story,but years later he got into a row on FB with a group of my girlfriends about how good he was (strong,feisty and know-what-i-want-in-bed-and-i'll-get-it women)

He actually said (in writing!) 'I'm the best in bed,I know everything there is to know about sex,ask chewy'

They ripped him apart (it was so funny watching him defend himself,his ego and his cock)

I'm now with a bloke who cares so much about me having the best time-he does whatever it takes,for as long as it takes to make sure I get off

Life is too short for crap sex

🤩 Best answer no more needing saying at this point.

No, it’s not that I think she should stay. I think she should feel confident that they did everything they could to fix the issue before she left (if he is an otherwise decent partner)