Utter sh!t in the bedroom!! Help

[Sprinklecake97]

I’m honestly at my wits’ end. My partner is so selfish in bed and I’m getting completely turned off him. He makes no effort with foreplay at all — his idea of it is sticking a finger in me for a minute or two in the wrong place, and it literally feels like he’s digging around. Then he thinks that’s enough and we’re good to go. I’ve expressed this to him several times, to the point where I’ve got quite savage and said “it just feels shit” or “you don’t even bother to turn me on and you still expect sex,” but nothing changes. The other night I snapped and asked if he actually gets off on having sex with me dry and he just laughed. He’s in his 30s and should know better. I’m starting to avoid him because he thinks he’s getting sex every night even though it’s completely awful. I end up thinking about my ex just to get through it because otherwise I’m lying there waiting for it to be over. It honestly feels like he’s trying to have sex with sandpaper at this point, and he genuinely believes he’s good in bed when it’s absolutely terrible. I don’t know what to do anymore.

Put a large tub of Vaseline on your bedside table.

He sounds like he has checked out. He actually doesn’t care about hurting you which is quite psychopathic. I would get your arrangements in order.

Why do you go on to have sex with him when you're not into it?

Oh my god, life is too short! Move out asap!

I had this with my exH. I tried, three times, to tell him what I wanted in bed, and he laughed at me and refused to listen. Since him, I've had sex with three men who were a million times better.

Digging around. Mother of God.

Give him the shock of his life: Break up with him and tell him that it's because he's crap in bed. Doesn't sound like any other approach will get through to him.

Good question. Does he make life unbearable if you refuse? Does he carry on and do it anyway?

This question isn't quite as strange as it sounds - he's not African, is he? There's a thing in large parts of Africa (where many strange and unpleasant ideas about sex hold sway) that men prefer a dry vagina. This has led to women putting talc or even dust inside themselves, leaving them with abrasions, infections and cancers.

You actually said "It just feels shit" and THAT didn't wake him up?? He probably reckons he's got you trapped bc of the kids.

Yes. Where is the consent? Quite honestly, it almost sounds like rape. Is he forcing OP? And if not, why is she putting up with it? It just sounds painful to me.

No! Bad idea. Don't enable him. Plus Vaseline isn't suitable.

If it wasn't always like this, how and what changed?

Side note, why would anyone endure dry sex, haven't you heard of lube?

Large parts of Africa?????

Have you seen how large Africa is. A few countries does not 'large part of Africa' make.

(Totally outside the topic of the thread)

Tell him his dick isn't coming near you until you have orgasmed. He owes you hundreds. I'm sure he gets his every single time. Why is he more entitled than you to pleasure? Shithead soon won't be laughing anymore.

This. He thinks you cant and won’t leave. You can prove him wrong.

At the very least refuse to have sex with him. From today he sleeps on the sofa.

He has become very lazy and complacent. I wouldn’t stand for anyone laughing at me - he was probably embarrassed but not embarrassed enough to improve or make an effort. Is he
loving and affectionate in other ways?

The next time he attempts to make a move. Stop him in his tracks, this is your body op, and ask him if he seriously expects this to continue given how little he cares about your experience. Unless he can make an effort and this becomes pleasurable for you as well, all bets are off in the bedroom indefinitely.

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I voted YABU for being so complacent

Sex before you are ready is both unpleasant and uncomfortable, but OP you know that.

There are 2 types of men in this situation, those that are ignorant about how a woman “works” (there’s hope there; it’s possible to “train” them) and those that are lazy and self centred, seeing your body as their right. The fact that things were not always this way means that he falls into the latter, which is disrespectful in the extreme.

Looking back to my (much) younger years, l lived in a shared house. If l brought a friend back, l had a CD player in the bedroom and used to put a CD on, partly to try and cover the noise. If anyone tried to enter too soon l would tell them “when the music stops”, which meant they had to delay. In latter years a more assertive me would simply say I’m not ready yet, l’ll tell you when.

But in this case that line in the sand has been crossed and l think it’s time to get your life back on track.💐

Someone you have got 3 kids with is expecting shit sex every night and you are just letting him do it? What?

This to the point where I'm not even sure it's worth the oxygen to express an opinion on this man! This is the grimmest thing I've read in a long time. Leave, run for the door, honestly. This is so dead in the water.

Um say no? Why are you going through with sex under these conditions? You make it sound like you have no say in the matter.

But how can he be a good man ? He's not just clueless about sex, he ignores or laughs at his partner when she tells him he's causing distress and discomfort. Thats not being a good partner.

Never heard about it - had to Google and it’s apparently true in some parts of Sub Saharan Africa. Wet vagina is a sign of woman being unchaste.

I voted YABU. How on earth can you still be having sex with him? It is not something you have to do. It sounds like torture and he is not bothered so you only have one option here. Get rid life is too short for crap sex.

Ha ha ha! But seriously ^^ this.

I haven’t had my morning coffee yet and clicked on this thinking it was a decluttering thread!

Sounds like rape.

Haha! It is about decluttering...he needs to go in the bin!!