Son not invited to friend’s birthday party (13)

[PeoniesGinandBags]

My son is part of a group of a dozen or so boys in our smallish community who went to the local primary school together and then moved to the secondary school. Much bigger as it takes in from all the villages etc.

It was one of the boy’s birthdays and, it turns out, he had a birthday party at what looks to be a kind of snooker, bowling type place. I only know because his mum just shared all the photos on Facebook.

all of the boys from the group were there. My son had not been invited.

The family live a few doors down and whilst as parents were not friends on our own, we are friendly because our boys are.

Most nights, all of them are playing online together. As they are right now!

I feel really angry and upset that my son didn’t even get an invite. I’ve not asked him about it because I don’t know what to say. Am I wrong to think this is a bit of a crap thing to do? He’s absolutely the only one not invited. I know all of them as they’ve grown up together. It feels really exclusionary.

my son and the birthday boy did have a really small falling out perhaps 8 or 9 months ago but it was all done and dusted in a day and was nothing major. O even spoke with his mum above it.

i feel so sad that my son wasn’t included. And honestly, annoyed. Who does that? I would understand if it was just 2 or 3 pals but it is absolutely all of them!!!

It is an interesting problem though isn’t it, I mean would I want my kid hanging around with people who’s parents I fundamentally disagree with. Perhaps known racists (unlikely given we are brown), may feel iffy about it but would I exclude their child (assuming the kid is a nice well intentioned kid) probably not.

But you have posters here who would cut their own family off for voting for brexit or reform or being MAGA. So I don’t think the social exclusion is that uncommon. It’s just that people who are generally left wing I guess aren’t as likely to be on the receiving end of it I think.

Perhaps we’ve just become a lot more intolerant of other people.

Oh dear god. The world’s gone mad!

id reply….

i think it’s ironic that by not inviting <your sons name> into <her sons name> party, you’ve inserted your own overt political views into their friendship group. The sensible route would be ignoring it in the context of their friendship and speaking to me beforehand as an adult to tell me you felt uncomfortable.

We didn’t haven’t to speak at the drop off, you could have requested we ask another parent or family member to bring him.

It’s okay that we disagree on something like this, but it’s not okay to take it out on the kids and try to influence their friendships”

@TheaBrandt1 you can't see the upside of clearing the air? Having a chat and being mature enough to acknowledge that we have different stances and that's ok?

This is the problem with today's society, everyone thinks that they are 'right' and no one should have contrasting views. Everyone has to stay in their own vacuum with their clique.

This could be a teachable moment for both women.

I’m wondering if the rest of the street flew the Union Jack or St George flag and that the Palestinian flags were seen by the neighbours as a fuck you to them?

Six flags? Yeah, I’m with her

Tbf I bet a lot of people on this thread would have an issue if someone was overtly a Reform voter. So it works both ways. The Palestinian issue has brought a lot of anti semetism to British Jews so the flag has now become a symbol of hatred to many.

Politics is best kept personal in my view.

The question under debate is not Palestnian flag vs Israeli flag. No one in the scenario being discussed has displayed an Israeli flag. This is just pathetic whataboutery because you couldn't answer the PP's points.

Good for her for being honest in her response to you. And I respect her reasoning.

So if I found out that one of my DC's friend's parents had different political leanings to me, it wouldn't stop me from inviting their DC around to parties or being friendly to the parents

What would make me think twice is if they were any of the following: racist, sexist, homophobic, antisemitic and their DC was starting to spout the same bile.

Says a lot about you

As a parent I would be uncomfortable with someone flying flags like this in their garden so can see her concern. However I would never exclude my child (particularly teenager) from a birthday party or hanging around with my child.

My son is 13 and I actually cant imagine having that much involvement in who he invites to his birthday party. She is way to involved in her teenage sons friendships. I actually don't even know most of my 13 year olds friend's parents as he made mostly new friend's when he went to secondary (apart from his primary best friend).

I am really glad about this as the drama that some of his primary school parents friend's caused was unreal. Most of the parents including me were delighted to see the back of them.

Exactly. And anyone who overtly displays flags which have caused British Jews to be frightened in this country is not someone I would be keen for my kids to hang around with.

A teachable moment? Dear god. Yes I would love to spend my precious free time being lectured at by my kids friends flag waving mother 🙄.

Fair enough. It's a logical reason.
Now you know.
Diplaying flags in the front garden is very political, unless you are Palestinian or living in Palestine.

It's very sad how war and terrorism overseas infiltrates into our very own society - sometimes causing rifts in neighbourhoods just like yours. We should protect our peaceful mixture of multiculturalism.

Many people need to live kindly among others and not hear disastrous news from overseas. It can be too much to fathom. Seems like the boy's family is like this.

Exactly snow. And agree with pp this is a massively complex situation that has gone on for thousands of years one I would be very slow to publicly pin my colours to the mast on. Two members of my immediate family best friends are Jewish so this would definitely cause upset.

I also find it slightly questionable that it is this conflict that stirs up such passion over here unlike various other equally as horrific conflicts going on in the world.

I agree with this 👆. It's pretty silly to put 6 flags up in your garden, showing support for a country that started a war. The Muslim people will love your allegiance but it upsets people who have links to Israel and those who oppose Hamas the head of the terrorist group. I oppose Hamas and would think badly of your woke ass supporting him. Take the flags down and bin them. Yes there are victims on both sides. But the flag shows support for the Palestine government and that is not on.

I would just say to this point op that fair enough, you may know this family well enough to know for sure that they are not Jewish, but also take care with presumptions.

Due to the current climate, there are many Jewish people who actively avoid telling people they are Jewish.

I’m Jewish (although also an atheist) and non of my work colleagues know, and nor does anyone at our school or nursery.

And there are a vast majority in this country who aren't Jewish but are appalled that Jews have been made to feel fearful in the UK and can feel pretty offended on their behalf.

She doesn't like your politics so she takes it out on your son? She needs to give her head a wobble.

What does her son think of the situation?

@Snowonground actually I wouldn't assume anyone who flies the Palestinian flag is antisemitic.

My DH is Jewish as is all his family. They are all appalled with what Netanyahu and his government are doing in Gaza. I don't think this stance is uncommon.

Oof how do you respond to that?
Look she's clearly a dick effectively punishing your child is disgusting I think she'll sabotage their friendship further (speak from experience here) encourage your son to strengthen his friendships with other people to protect himself

The fact that Jewish people are fearful in the UK should make any reasonable person think twice about flying the Palestinian flag. There's absolutely no reason to do so in your garden apart from virtue signalling.

Exactly snow. It’s crashing into someone else’s conflict without a full understanding in your hob nailed boots in search of cookies for virtue signalling. Unfortunately for op it’s backfired.

Yeah, because it's her child's fault.

WTF? She sound unhinged. I’m so sorry for your son OP, that’s a really mean thing to do. I hope he’s ok and finds some friends whose parents aren’t so nasty.