Son not invited to friend’s birthday party (13)

[PeoniesGinandBags]

My son is part of a group of a dozen or so boys in our smallish community who went to the local primary school together and then moved to the secondary school. Much bigger as it takes in from all the villages etc.

It was one of the boy’s birthdays and, it turns out, he had a birthday party at what looks to be a kind of snooker, bowling type place. I only know because his mum just shared all the photos on Facebook.

all of the boys from the group were there. My son had not been invited.

The family live a few doors down and whilst as parents were not friends on our own, we are friendly because our boys are.

Most nights, all of them are playing online together. As they are right now!

I feel really angry and upset that my son didn’t even get an invite. I’ve not asked him about it because I don’t know what to say. Am I wrong to think this is a bit of a crap thing to do? He’s absolutely the only one not invited. I know all of them as they’ve grown up together. It feels really exclusionary.

my son and the birthday boy did have a really small falling out perhaps 8 or 9 months ago but it was all done and dusted in a day and was nothing major. O even spoke with his mum above it.

i feel so sad that my son wasn’t included. And honestly, annoyed. Who does that? I would understand if it was just 2 or 3 pals but it is absolutely all of them!!!

I think it's very important before nailing my colours to a mast to make sure that I have understood ALL of the issues/points before making public declarations that have/could have consequences on those dear to me, especially on matters that don't directly affect me or my family in the here and now. There have been a lot of knee-jerk reactions to "news" that let's face it comes with bias depending on the source of that information. The amount of mis-information out there is staggering.
I don't have enough accurate/reliable information to make any declarations regarding genocide. If you want to go off half-cocked, have at it.

The problem with displaying flags is that it’s not like having a real life discussion with someone who has opposing views. It’s a statement that for some people will look like you’re waving a flag that says “I support terrorists”.

It’s a bit like flying the England flag, could mean anything from “I love my country in a normal way and embrace the diverse culture we have” to “I’m a raging racist and wish all the non-white people would leave”. Most people don’t put out the England flag just in case the latter assumptions are made.

While I think it was wrong for your DS to be excluded, I would make sure you stay politically neutral when speaking to other parents going forward and never imposing your views on any of your children’s visiting friends.

I can't believe a sizable amount of people think this and would agree with you imo.

Their 13, not 17. He was excluded and it could have lead to other problems within the group or affected her sons mental health. Ofcourse he's going to say he's fine.

I'm really impressed the op bit the bullet and asked fairly politely but directly and didn't let anyone involved stew in the unknowns - as that's what happens.

Now they have the answer that's cut so much guess work out and probably saved the kid a lot of unessairy grief.

Also 'impressed' with the mums forthright response even if it's a strange reason to leave a boy out of a b.day party

Being brave and Clearing the air obviously is the better option. Mindblown to think letting this fester would have been better?

Jihad does not necessarily mean terrorism or war. It refers to struggle and effort

Oh they all told you themselves did they

Block the Mum and move on. Take absolutely no notice of her.
If the kids want to play they can but the friendship will likely fizzle out. Invite some other friends to your home.

This.
The kids are secondary school age. They don't need their mums to arrange things anymore. Sounds like they keep a friendship going playing as a group online with no exclusion which is mature and sensible. I wouldn't imagine your son would have been left out the party if it wasn't for his mum, so I wouldn't be overly concerned about bullying.
Encourage him to have friends over if he wants and forget about the mum. There's no need to to reply.

I disagree. But you think one thing and I think another. That's the nature of discussion.

A set number of places that exclude just one of the kids from a group?!
Yeah righto.....

I agree about getting involved, I wouldn't dream of it, but if you didn't feel bad for your child being the only kid left out and wanting to know why then you'd be a pretty cold person.... I'd be curious too but I wouldn't ask and I'd feel sad for my child... That's normal. Making weird and wild excuses for doing this is odd... Perhaps you do this to your kids friends so it's normal to exclude at least one in your family... 🤷‍♀️

But most do see and know that Hamas deliberately attacked knowing what any consequences would be. I notice that you haven't responded to my comment about the history. There is no way with the historical record of the planned annihilation of the Jews that Israel would not respond as they did. The male leadership of Hamas knew and they, the men, didn't give a fucking shit about their civilian population, being women and children.

The male Hamas leaders made a decision that they must have known would impact their civilian population, being women and children. I suggest you take it up with them as to why they believed an invasion to murder and sexually assault people on 7th Oct was OK. Israel due to its history will not accept such assaults. Ard you aware of the history? The Israeli response could only have been as expected. If you know and understand the history. Do you?

Absolutely and I respect your response.

Op please make sure your son knows it wasn’t about him. It’s still going to hurt a bit but at least he will know it’s not about him, it’s about the other boys mum.

Bloody hell! One of my child's friends has a climate change denier conspiracy theorist covid denier parent and we would still invite the kid if they wanted. Similar with the anti-vaxxer

Wow what a cheek to keep asking you to pick up her son, when she left him out!!

What did you say when she asked you to collect him? Did you ever find out why she left your son out?

What are you talking about? I've made no comment about the decision-making of Hamas leaders.

However much you try to make it so, there is no justification, no excuse, no historical rationalisation to be made for the mass murder of 10,000s of children, regardless of their race.

What are you taking about I've not made excuses for anyone! Just said not to get involved as he's 13

Well; that’s just disgusting. Curious as to where you live. I’ve not heard anyone justify October 7: most people who are showing support for Palestine just want the end to the destruction of innocent lives

It happened in cities all over Europe (I'm not from the UK). People dancing and singing with Palestinian flags. I don't know why you are surprised- there are many people like the NHS doctor :

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15321925/NHS-junior-doctor-praised-October-7-Hamas-attacks-accuses-tribunal-apparent-bias-wearing-celebratory-7-necklace-hearing.html

She’s an absolute disgrace.

wtf? Excluding a child because of his mothers views? How intolerant

That is completely disgusting. But that is not the majority of pro Palestine people

This is why it’s good to communicate. Silence only muddles things and gives room to all sorts of assumptions, and 13 or not, he’s still a child. If OP had kept out of it, she’d never have known what a bellend the mother is.

We have to wonder why the news programmes aren’t coming out on the side of the country who were invaded. This constant drip of Palestine the invaders = Good Israel the defenders =Bad

Whilst people are being wound up about Palestine’s invasion of Israel we aren’t looking too closely at why the USA is supporting Russia to take away land from Ukraine and in so doing rewarding an invading country
We have to wonder what sort of help the USA is giving Russia. The timings of Russias suddenly being more put together to gain ground in Ukraine seems mightily suspect and you have to wonder what changed since USA started to get involved with the peace deal between the 2 countries

If we were to make the comparison why aren’t we seeing marches supporting Russia. and telling Ukraine to stop murdering
Russians.