Son not invited to friend’s birthday party (13)

[PeoniesGinandBags]

My son is part of a group of a dozen or so boys in our smallish community who went to the local primary school together and then moved to the secondary school. Much bigger as it takes in from all the villages etc.

It was one of the boy’s birthdays and, it turns out, he had a birthday party at what looks to be a kind of snooker, bowling type place. I only know because his mum just shared all the photos on Facebook.

all of the boys from the group were there. My son had not been invited.

The family live a few doors down and whilst as parents were not friends on our own, we are friendly because our boys are.

Most nights, all of them are playing online together. As they are right now!

I feel really angry and upset that my son didn’t even get an invite. I’ve not asked him about it because I don’t know what to say. Am I wrong to think this is a bit of a crap thing to do? He’s absolutely the only one not invited. I know all of them as they’ve grown up together. It feels really exclusionary.

my son and the birthday boy did have a really small falling out perhaps 8 or 9 months ago but it was all done and dusted in a day and was nothing major. O even spoke with his mum above it.

i feel so sad that my son wasn’t included. And honestly, annoyed. Who does that? I would understand if it was just 2 or 3 pals but it is absolutely all of them!!!

Hear hear.

However I wouldn’t stop my child my offspring hanging out with the OPs or having him over to parties.

Omg!!! I can't believe this! What a bi#*h! Letting this affect her sons friendship with your son and allowing your son to be left out of a party! Even if she didnt like it how is that your sons fault! Terrible behaviour for a grown adult!!!

An Israel flag is equally galling to others. Especially those who have family and friends still trapped in Palestine.

One child is killed every hour in Palestine from Israeli forces. I cannot see at all how you can defend this.

Hamas and Palestine are not the same. Despite what you think; the support of the Palestinian people is not automatically support of Hamas.

I am not justifying sexual violence: but please, let’s not pretend for one second that Israeli soldiers have not committed any acts of sexual violence.

What a twat she is to exclude a 13-year-old boy for his mum's political beliefs and leave him wondering what he did wrong. And as for "she didn't want to be put in a position where she needed to be civil with someone she didn't feel able to", good grief! She'd better move away, then, in case she ever bumps into you in the street or at a school event and can't resist causing a scene.

I occasionally come across people with political beliefs I can't stand. For example, two local Reform candidates, plus a Tory councillor who broadcasts bare-faced lies. But I have managed to be civil, because it's not all about me.

I would be very pro Palestinian and do wear the flag . But I know not everyone agrees and I respect that . And as seem on this thread there are many varied opinions on this . I am quite surprised that your beliefs affect your DS friendship . On reflection though I wonder how I would react if neighbours displayed Trump posters or NF or something very divisive . I don't agree with your neighbour but I admire her standing totally by her beliefs .

I wonder if your DS already knew the reason why but didn't want to say. If they're still friends probably best to just leave it be, they don't need to fall out because their parents are ideologically opposed.

Has her son been to your house since she saw your flags?

If yes, she’s a flaming hypocrite.

But how can you raise bullying if you cant find out what is going on

Waving Palestinian flags in your rural village garden when you’re probably 50 miles away from the nearest Palestinian or Israeli is just virtue signalling cringe. Your poor kid! I really hope this is not true.
But for her to leave your son out over it is twat behaviour.

No she isn’t 🙄. What a ridiculously hyperbolic post. She disagrees with OP politically - that doesn’t make her a “monster” or “hateful”. Honestly I judge all flag wavers, and I’d have rolled my eyes at OP’s festooned garden as well. I would still have invited her son though.

That said I am not convinced any of this is real tbh. OP updating with enthusiasm until after the denouement - leaving thread contributers fighting over 🇮🇱 and 🇵🇸 yet again 🤨

It’s hardly automatic, it’s inviting the boys in the local group he plays with every night??

I haven’t yet read the whole thread but I’d want to take a big step back. Really poor of the mum.

Do you too ostracise children and leave them confused and upset?

Now I’ve read the whole thread I think god help that poor boy, he will need it. Well done on asking op.

I would judge too.

The vast majority of the Palestinian people do support Hamas though, so many would see the flag as one and the same.
The October slaughter by the Hamas terrorists was the largest killing of Jews since the Holocaust, so it’s just another nail in the heart of the Jewish people and will remind them of the Holocaust, especially when they saw the emaciated state of the hostages when they were released.

Comfort your son, but help him to see where he stands with the uninviting young man. When someone is not interested and doesnt see us as important, we should do the same.

Yet again if you don't believe it you report.

Erm no it isnt. Not everyone who has a flag is making a political statement. Some ppl were just concerned for the civilians suffering in the illegal occupation and endless killing and no that does not justify any attacks on Jewish or Israeli citizens as what happened but the Israeli civilians have then worlds support for what happened ( as they should) the Palestinians do not, as demonstrated by your comment and that of this boys mum.

Not so happy about your 6 flag virtue signalling now are you OP? Still, cruel of her to involve your son though.

Actions have consequences.

At least she was honest (and you can reassure your son that it wasn't him being rejected) but it is quite a divisive issue and I think that you have to accept the fall out from that.

That’s a shitty thing to do. I raised an eyebrow at the England flags dotted around the place in the summer, but I’d never exclude a kid from a party just because his parent was flying one.

Excluding your child for that.reaon is very harsh but 6 flags in your garden is a big statement and people will form opinions of you as a result.

I would never exclude a child on this basis.

On the matter of flags, they matter, the role of flag bearer was one of the most vulnerable roles in the historical army ranks. And if the 'standard"(flag) barer fell then it would be expected to that the next person would pick it up and run and so on.

This is why we use flags so often to signify and commemorate ceremony, allegiance, etc. and shouldn't be used lightly.

I think I'd have to ask the parents and explain why your asking having been thinking about it and feeling a bit upset.. and not knowing how he could be the only one that was left out.?? It's not a very harmonious way to behave towards a young teenager...!!?

Interested In what all the previous posters insisting OP shouldn't bother as not her place, that she was infantilsing her kid, embarrassing and keep her nose out think about this conclusion ??

I think the whole flag thing is off putting tbh but I would never exclude your child because of it. I think unfortunately the behaviour of some people on marches etc (clear anti-semitism, intimidation of Jews) has made the whole flag thing a bit toxic. She may believe you endorse the behaviour, also Palestine action has been in the news recently and they are disgraceful. I’d be a bit wary of anyone who covered their garden in English flags too (but slightly more understandable in that they may just be from England).

I think we’ve created an extremely hostile environment where anti-semitism is becoming more acceptable. She may see you are being part of that. Not saying you are but I eye roll when I see someone with a Palestinian flag now. You can never have a normal conversation with anyone holding one. I think given how everyone went mental over some english flags, flags clearly do bother people. You may believe you are being viewed as a compassionate person when you stick them in your garden, others may not take the same view. It is what it is.

Really harsh on your son though, your political leanings are not his responsibility.