Son not invited to friend’s birthday party (13)

[PeoniesGinandBags]

My son is part of a group of a dozen or so boys in our smallish community who went to the local primary school together and then moved to the secondary school. Much bigger as it takes in from all the villages etc.

It was one of the boy’s birthdays and, it turns out, he had a birthday party at what looks to be a kind of snooker, bowling type place. I only know because his mum just shared all the photos on Facebook.

all of the boys from the group were there. My son had not been invited.

The family live a few doors down and whilst as parents were not friends on our own, we are friendly because our boys are.

Most nights, all of them are playing online together. As they are right now!

I feel really angry and upset that my son didn’t even get an invite. I’ve not asked him about it because I don’t know what to say. Am I wrong to think this is a bit of a crap thing to do? He’s absolutely the only one not invited. I know all of them as they’ve grown up together. It feels really exclusionary.

my son and the birthday boy did have a really small falling out perhaps 8 or 9 months ago but it was all done and dusted in a day and was nothing major. O even spoke with his mum above it.

i feel so sad that my son wasn’t included. And honestly, annoyed. Who does that? I would understand if it was just 2 or 3 pals but it is absolutely all of them!!!

Thats not really how the law works. Innocent until proven guilty is still a thing. But let's leave it there.

I take it you mean wings.
Most costumes come with the wings attached for Angels however you could try toy shops or online. x

Amazon, Claire's

The OP might want to rethink some of her actions. Most people wouldn't have texted the mum and warned against it, but she did, and that suggests a certain plain boldness.

Same with the flags. Never seemed to have occurred to her that some people wouldn't like it.

I know plenty of people who think they are right on any given issue and don't consider other perspectives.

Sorry the son was left out. That seems ridiculous. But equally OP might want to think about how she goes about things in her community.

Pretty much evident that a genocide wasn’t taking place by the leaders of the people being ‘genocided’ negotiating for the release of convicted terrorists in return for the ‘genocide’ ending while refusing to release hostages they were holding as leverage for their release in civilian homes.

I wonder if there is a legal precedent in international law for that?

As well as the intent to commit ‘genocide’ not really making sense when the people being ‘genocided’ are given orders to evacuate combat zones, and the international organisations on the ground, including the UN, not pressuring for the people being ‘genocided’ to be given safe refuge in neighbouring non hostile countries which is also unprecedented in a genocide.

I thought I was going to think OP shouldn't get overly involved in the situation and should just support her son but the update is shocking and I see quite a few posters have taken the opportunity to start an Israel vs Palestine debate which is completely irrelevant to the issue here.

The families have always got on because of the boys friendship but birthday boys mum is incapable of being civil to people she disagrees with on a political issue and has decided to punish a 13 year old boy for the "sins" of the mother. What an example to set to her own child. You can see how people become siloed into echo chambers where they are utterly convinced that not only are they right but they hold the majority view.

The woman is ridiculous and it's awful for an adult to punish a child for their parents opinions. The boys have no issue with each other so birthday boys mum needs to grow up. I hope she doesn't have to deal with the public in her job.

Personally I can understand her reasons.

Innocent until proven guilty is a mechanism in court to the effect that the burden of proof lies with the prosecution - as you well know.

Genocide in Bosnia occurred well before the ICTY & ICJ established that it had occurred.

Would you have argued the Srebrenica massacre wasn’t genocide ahead of the trials?

So explain the findings of the HRC Commission and the provisional measures of the ICJ.

Why do people say "as you well know" when replying as if that's an argument. Baffling.

In Bosnia there was actually a genocide. That's the difference.

Let's not argue. We've agreed to disagree. I will kindly let you have the last word though if you prefer.

Your last paragraph, I didn’t know that.
That does seem strange.
I don’t hold much hope of UN being much use, even without hearing this.
Why on earth where they not putting pressure on.

I think pushing your way into your child’s friendships and disagreements would be the first red flag for me. The second would be pushing yourself onto the other kids parents and dragging them into your child’s disagreements. The third is definitely pushing your political views publicly onto others. Through flags at home or opinions on Facebook etc.

She has her views, you have yours, but that's no reason not to invite your son. It's a shame.

”As you well know” referred to your hints that you’re a lawyer - you know exactly how the burden of proof works.

By your argument - genocide has only occurred when a court says it has: ”And if there's been no legal ruling establishing a genocide, then you cannot say a genocide has taken place.”

Except you can see that Bosnia was genocide regardless of the court’s view which was rather my point.

Anyway I thought the discussion was over - you’re the one who kept going.

well now you know. And good on her for calling you out on the flag waving (know much about the conflict do you?).
Not that it should affect your boys’ friendship - she’s wrong on that.

That isn't the case actually. Most people support PP marchers. I have personal experience of this. It's very positively treated, at least in the area of the UK I live in.

What you think most people support PP.
I think you will find if you did a survey of the 70 million people or however many there are in the country you would be hard pushed to even be able to remotely quote “most people”.

As someone who had family die in Auschwitz (well in the train on the way to be accurate) can I say, @PeoniesGinandBags good on you for openly opposing genocide.
It is brave to openly state opposition to those in power. I am in awe of the Israeli and Jewish people who regularly attended anti-genocide demonstrations.

The religion, colour or creed of those being killed is immaterial. Mass murder is wrong.

OP, this is always the risk of publicly showing your affiliations to any cause, be that Palestine, trans ideology, Reform party, whatever. It can have repercussions on your children - it shouldn't but sadly it does. I have memories back to the days of the miner's strike... you did not want to be the child of someone who crossed the picket lines. Being uninvited from a party would have been the least of their worries! I was fortunate that it didn't affect me (DF was not a miner) but I saw people who were.
Given that you live in a 'smallish community', I would possibly be a little more careful showing support for anything that could be considered contentious.

Happened to my child. Almost identical situation. Village school. 5 boys. All invited except my son. I woudn't mind but the Mum still had the nerve to keep asking me to pick her son up for her. I was furious for a while I have to admit. Still all playing together online like you say.

Either invite everyone or just invite 2. That's always been my rule. But to leave just one child out is plain nasty.

I can too.

I suppose it comes down to what you think is more important. Your child being invited to a party or opposing genicide.

👏👏👏

Well said @FOJN

So you think the children should pay the price for this?

I don't.

How about not supporting a country that is led by terrorists, who many of the people in that country support the terrorists, and the terrorists stated single reason for existing is the genocide of all Jews.