Aibu? Mum visiting…

[snowydays99]

I live a 3 hour drive from my parents, my mum has gotten into a habit of visiting 2/3 times a year for a week at a time. We have a very small house, so has to sleep on a air bed in the lounge so as you can imagine nobody really gets any space while shes visiting.
It was fine when DC were little and didn’t have school, they would keep her busy and she was quite happy to entertain them etc and everyone got on.
Now they are school age, she insists on coming when they are at school despite us saying half terms or weekends are much better for us.
My husband & my mum don’t get along at all, unfortunately they fell out and my mum has said quite harsh things to him in the past that were really uncalled for.
It’s also coming up to the 1 year anniversary of my husbands dad passing away and as you can imagine his emotions are running high.
I explained again to my mum that it was a difficult time of year for DH and that this visit would need to be shorter or if anything, could she come after Christmas when the kids are off school. She completely ignored that and decided to book her train tickets for a week.
My husband is admittedly annoyed with me for allowing this (unfortunately she booked her tickets without saying anything to me and couldnt get a refund or change them apparently) he is saying she should of respected what we asked and he feels like she’s deliberately not giving him space on purpose.
Would I be wrong to tell her when she comes that this is the last time she can do this and from going forwards can only come for 3 days maximum? she uses the train as a excuse saying if shes coming all this way it needs to be a week for it to be worth it, but the train is much shorter compared to driving!
(My husband says 3 days is okay but after 3 days tension starts to run high and he isn’t wrong, she loves a moan and can be quite difficult and it causes us to aruge.)

Do NOT take her out every day; if you do you are setting the precedent that you are her 'entertainments manager' for any/all future visits.
As others have said-you are going to need to stand up to your mum. Book her a train ticket home for 3 days from her arrival. If you can't do that-book her into a nearby b&b/hotel for the remainder of her visit. She needs to get a strong message.
If you don't establish boundaries now you are not supporting your husband appropriately, and you are creating a rod for your own back🤷🏼‍♀️

I empathise! My parents would just pitch up when they felt like it, despite my Dh being on nightshift and them being retired. Drove me nuts and pp saying tell her to stay in an Airbnb would have caused WW3 with mine! IRL, I doubt very much doubt pp would tell their mum they can’t stay at theirs or they have to go after 2 nights.

I feel for your Dh, he needs time to process his parent’s death, having your mum down is really not ideal. He’s being polite because he worries about your feelings.

Hopefully it won’t be too bad a visit.

I would suggest therapy if you are able. To help with tools to deal with your mum amd talk through how she is.

She is obviously not going to change and steam rolls over your wishes. But you need help to stand up to her. It’s not easy when you have been brought up in that environment.

Three hours really isnt far. Time to respect DH. I wouldn't have someone who disrespected me staying in my home, let alone for a week.