To be really annoyed with nursery over this

[notaminorthing]

My two year old has mostly phased her nap out at home but still naps at nursery. This does mean a later bedtime but as long as she’s awake by 2. I’ve specifically asked before if she can be woken by 2.

However they keep not doing it and today she slept from 115 to twenty past three. It’s going to be around half nine by the time I get her down tonight. I have a reception aged child who I won’t be able to do homework or reading or anything with and even he is going to end up in bed later than ideal.

I have just stopped myself sending a really stroppy email and I’m going to ring in tomorrow but am I really being unreasonable in feeling a bit like I’ve lost trust? I’ve specifically asked and surely common sense should dictate that’s far too late a nap!

What’s she like when woken up early from a nap? One of my DC is absolutely impossible if artificially woken from sleep. Clings, cries, whines and takes a good hour to return to any sort of normal. I wouldn’t blame a childcare provider for not wanting to deal with them in that state.

Sounds like it’s a good time to knock the nursery nap on the head.
Just ask them not to put her in the sleep room. Yes she will be tired for a couple of days but if she’s in the other room playing then it should be easy enough to distract her.

I thought our previous nursery did wake children up, but when we moved to a childminder she told us it was against Ofsted recommendation. She did anyway but asked us not to mention it if asked.

I assume they have a specific room for naps @notaminorthing ?

Children nap in the reading corner in our new nursery, our 2yo stopped her naps as soon as she started there. It's brilliant 😁

It is a Thing, unfortunately. I’d really rather she didn’t nap at all but despite my grumpiness tonight I don’t actually have any desire to make their life difficult. I just wish that feeling was reciprocated!

@Hercisback1 i don’t really want to be squabbling with you about something as daft as this. Alone, DD will happily cuddle up to me and watch CBeebies. If I try to get her to watch CBeebies alone while I give her brother my undivided attention then - yeah. Not happening. Yours are older IIRC. Rose tinted glasses apply.

Did she fall asleep late on this occasion? There are a lot of studies that say it can be detrimental to a child to be woken and a lot of nurseries look at what is best for the child they are caring for rather than the family dynamics. Also, waking children not ready to be woken can involve a lot of crying and a need for one to one for a while. Some children wake up happier than others and if she is one that hates being woken it may be why they let her sleep longer.

Most nurseries will wake listen to parental caps but it isn’t always easy to wake a child either. It is also very difficult in the in between stage where one day they want a long nap, the next they can’t settle and asleep.

Exact same. And I work in one. With parents, not against them.

Two days a week as well, not full time. At least if full time there could be an argument by them for really not coping.

sounds like it’s not the right setting for you or child OP.

Well I would have taken my child out of a nursery with the view that’s it’s cruel to wake a sleeping child. We had a regular routine for both of my children which we never broke (even if it meant not going out). Our nursery worked in partnership with us. They slept like clockwork which meant we did too!

Ive worked in 3 different nurseries and none would wake a sleeping child. Children have the right to rest(and play) so we don’t wake a child who is sleeping.

good luck speaking to nursery because I’m sure they will say the exact same.

Children have the right to rest, sure, but waking them at the 2 hour mark rather than 3 hours is not depriving them of the right to rest. That’s just staff who can’t be arsed.

I’ve worked at nurseries with a variety of policies, some wouldn’t wake a child, some would but only after a length of time and one had a set time that no child was allowed to be asleep after.

Why 6 hours wake window? My 3+ year old slept at nursery today until 2.30pm and went down lights out at 7.00pm. When he falls asleep is up to him but he lays there until he does.

I feel for you OP. I used to look after kids . If for some reason one girl didn't get an hour in the morning she would want to have a long afternoon nap. But I knew it would impact on her night time routine at home . No one is suggesting that it's right to abruptly wake up a sleeping child but I did open the door, made normal noise , gently called her name. It's unfair to the parent .

My nursery did this too so I just said no more naps! Luckily my DD was ready to cut them out.

Well, exactly. We ended up watching a Disney film and then having to manage dd while ds showered and vice versa. Believe me, I’d rather have been reading with ds. She’s in bed now but pretty sure she isn’t asleep 😩 I don’t know why you think that because I’ve posted a lot on MN, I haven’t had a horrible evening - some of my worst days feature heavy posting on here, and conversely some of the best days I haven’t been on here at all!

I think it’s a completely reasonable suggestion.

Well, children are all different (do I really need to explain this) and have different sleep needs and ways of going to sleep. DD will get a bit shouty if left and she can’t get to sleep, which involves endless going in and out, which is what will probably happen tonight. She’s singing Let it Go now.

She isn’t the worst but nor is she perfect. My main gripe is a) no time with ds and b) absolutely no time to myself which tbh ,,, I could do with. I’m ready for bed now honestly!

I find a lot of the responses really harsh. We are on ‘Mumsnet’ for goodness sake, juggling daily life with multiple children is hard! And sometimes made harder by external factors, such as not being listened to or taken seriously by childcare providers. Yes, children may need a nap whilst at nursery but seriously, 4.5 hours?! The average child would not need a nap that long, unless they were unwell and in that case, they should not be in childcare.
There is a lot of misrepresentation regarding nursery settings and sleep. Settings were graded inadequate for not following safer sleep practice.
The Department for Education stated that early years providers must follow safer sleep practice (SIDS guidance) and checking breathing and temperature. Failure to do so could lead to enforcement via Ofsted.
However, that doesn’t equate to a rule that says “never wake a child.” Rather, it emphasises safe sleep practices.
The EYFS 2025 statutory framework requires providers to keep children safe and well and signposts safer sleep advice (NHS / Lullaby Trust) and the need to supervise/check sleeping children, but it does not include an explicit prohibition on waking children.
I had similar at my nursery with my eldest son, where I was informed that they couldn’t wake him from a nap. He is very low sleep need and a long nap would disrupt not only that evenings sleep, but subsequent evenings. So I told them he was not able to have a nap and I had a much happier, regulated child. He was not having a nap at home and didn’t need one at nursery. They tried to do the same with my youngest, but interestingly they said that they would try and wake him up. They then let him sleep from 11 until 3.45. So he ended up going no nap too.
My youngest is now at a new nursery whose policy is ‘we work around the parents as you are the ones who have to put your children to bed and try to still adhere to some routine. We will work around home nap schedules and if we can’t wake a child, we will contact you to discuss what to do. OP, I would have a face to face conversation with the room leader and failing that the manager and explain in detail what happens when the nap is that long and ask why your requests were ignored and what can they do to support you going forward.
Lets face it, nursery staff are paid pittance despite the extortionate fees, part of me doesn’t blame them for allowing children to sleep for a long time to help with staff scheduling and lunch and rest breaks. But when it severely impacts my family life and my children’s wellbeing, that is where my empathy ends! Good luck OP

Have you definitely been sent all their up to date policies? It should be in their safer sleep policy. But if it was a policy of the nursery they probably wouldn’t be saying yes to your face. I know quite a few childminders who flat out won’t wake a sleeping child, but others who will. So I wonder if the person getting the message is a different person to the one supervising naps and they have different ways of doing things (but they shouldn’t really be making their own rules in a nursery)

This seems to have been blown all out of proportion. Things don't always go to plan/ routine, that's Parenthood for you.

Even my 7 year old wont let me do homework with her older sibling without interrupting and causing a scene! Jealousy unfortunately 🤨

Just because you ‘request it as a parent’ doesn’t mean that the nursery are going to be able to satisfy every demand you make, however reasonable you feel it is. Waking a sleeping child may mean that a staff member is occupied for a good while, especially if the child is distressed being woken. They will also have a number of other children to look after, whose parents are making similar demands.

Yes, it’s one bad evening and as a genuine one off that’s fine, but if it’s every evening she’s at nursery, that’s not great. Yes, I realise things happen but the point is it shouldn’t have happened - I’d specifically asked for it not to happen.

It’s hardly a demand. I asked and they said yes. If it was something they wouldn’t be able to do, they should say so.

Noooo don’t tell me this. 😂