To be really annoyed with nursery over this

[notaminorthing]

My two year old has mostly phased her nap out at home but still naps at nursery. This does mean a later bedtime but as long as she’s awake by 2. I’ve specifically asked before if she can be woken by 2.

However they keep not doing it and today she slept from 115 to twenty past three. It’s going to be around half nine by the time I get her down tonight. I have a reception aged child who I won’t be able to do homework or reading or anything with and even he is going to end up in bed later than ideal.

I have just stopped myself sending a really stroppy email and I’m going to ring in tomorrow but am I really being unreasonable in feeling a bit like I’ve lost trust? I’ve specifically asked and surely common sense should dictate that’s far too late a nap!

I can't believe the ridiculous comments on this post. Ive worked in private nursery's for 26 year's. If a parent specifies how long a child can sleep for we wake them up, once that time is up. In the nursery i work in currently, we have a dedicated sleep room where all children who sleep go after lunch (11.30) that is staffed at all times and the latest children can sleep until is 1.30 pm as we have routine also that we need to adhere to. We do not do this job for the minimum wage we are paid, believe me. We do it because we care. I think people need to ask where this rule about not being allowed to wake children up comes from, because I have never heard it.

I understand how you feel despite you giving the impression of being entitled. I'm familiar with this situation because I was an early childhood teacher for 30 years. In the schools that I worked in our nap time was from 12:30-2:30. Most of the children would eventually fall asleep and if they didn't t they could quietly look at books on their mat. The problem we have with waking different children at different times is that too many children are awake and there isn't enough staff to be able to take them to another area so they don't wake everyone. Also in most care centers, there is reduced staff at nap time so teachers can have their breaks. If your school can't accommodate your request hopefully you can adapt since your child is only there 2 days a week.

This tool loves saying parent them - they did it to one of my threads!

I was parenting and you are - I bet they don’t even have any children!

They clearly have unrealistic expectations of the attention span of a 2 year old or how long phonics and reading can take.

So I’m a childminder and in our safeguarding and health & safety we are meant to let a child sleep if they are tired, and not wake them . Now, I think this is a bit silly as if the child sleeps too late they don’t sleep well as well at night and therefore are tired the next day. If a child needs a nap, and some will just fall asleep anywhere, but mum doesn’t want them to have one, I will only let them sleep for 20minutes, otherwise they go into a deep sleep and are impossible to wake. I also don’t let them nap after a certain in time in the afternoon. I usually discuss this time with the parent.

I’m not entitled at all @CyanMaker

Staffing levels shouldn’t be on the assumption some children will sleep most of the afternoon. I would withdraw her in that instance and would think very poorly of any childcare setting which recruited and staffed on that assumption.

I've always been the parent who lets them sleep. They obviously need it. If they go to bed later then so be it. If she's stopping you doing things with your other child, parent her. Give her something to do and let her know that her behaviour is not acceptable.

Wow, thanks. Stop press: all problems with toddlers can be solved by merely letting them know it is not acceptable.

We must have been last in line when these obedient two year olds that can entertain themselves for hours were being handed out 😂 … it’s funny, I wrote a post a while ago about how my child needs constant entertainment and attention and all the comments were “it’s normal”, “he just wants his mummy” etc.

🤪🤪🤪

maybe the gin and tonic helps you then?!

I never know if it’s hopelessly naive people who don’t have children, people who have much older children who have forgotten, or people who are just a bit dense.

Honestly most nurseries don't have extra staff that come in to cover lunch breaks ime.

Well, why would they?

I have no problem with her having a sleep if it makes their life easier and fits into the structure of the room. My issue is with the timing of that sleep.

But honestly some variation is to be expected. I know with DD they spend ages trying to get her to sleep and then when she eventually does it’s quite close to 2 so that’s why they then don’t wake her up. If it happens again I probably will just have to say no sleep please but hopefully it won’t.

This is ridiculous. Tell them to wake her after 20minutes. This gives her enough nap time to get through the day but not interfere with bedtime. All toddlers go through this difficult time and they should understand that nighttime sleep is the most important.

You can't make a 2 year old understand that, fgs. 🙄
A 2 year old needs a 60-90 min nap. They sleep because they are tired. Children's needs are different from adults.

I think most people in a dark room with sleep cues would eventually go to sleep. Anyway, I’m not quibbling about it - you obviously think she’s exhausted because after 45 minutes of persuading her she falls asleep. I disagree.

Mine combined naps at that age but certainly still had them until attending nursery at three and a half.

It's tricky because I don't think a two hour nap is unreasonable but still being asleep at gone three probably is. I'd be requesting that nap time doesn't exceed 14:30 due to the knock on effect it has on the rest of her day. Or ask that the nursery don't put her down for naps at all.

Mine never went to bed that early as they didn't sleep for long at night. We'd aim for twelve hours so never before 19:30 once the naps went!

@notaminorthing but that's what you have to do when you have more than one child. I've survived 5 toddlers. I know it's hard but you can't let them rule your life!

@rainbowsandraspberrygin I do like a raspberry gin 😂

It’s not your daughter’s routine that is disrupted though, it’s yours in the evenings!
your daughter must need to sleep because she definitely wouldn’t sleep if it wasn’t needed!

So

Don’t let them rule your life but let them sleep when they’re tired.

The two contradict one another somewhat,

Other people can do what they like. Personally, my routine and my child’s doesn’t involve sleeping most of the afternoon.

If the child is ready to give up naps (which op said they were) but needs a little catnap this is how to do it. They get enough to keep them going but too much and they don’t sleep at night meaning they are exhausted the next day. Nighttime sleep is the most important. Also if you wake within 20minutes the child has not gone into a deep sleep which is hard to wake from. I have done this for years with many children and they have all been fine. Obviously all children are different and some still need their naps well into being 3 years old.

I'd tell the nursery that they have given up their nap. Or move to pre school.

@notaminorthing Its been well over 20 years since mine were doing exactly what you describe so you have my sympathy. Your DD may be a little young but I found that giving my younger child(ren) 'homework' too enabled me to focus more on the eldest. In those days we could get age appropriate 'work books' from WHSmith or similar and the younger two loved copying their big bro and 'doing homework'. Don't know if there's anything like that around now?

You are her mother and you know your child best. I couldn’t let my 2year old son nap but my grandson still needed his at 3. Children are all different.

Our nursery look at sleep holistically, so they'll cap a nap or have a cut-off time if that's in the best interest of the child overall. If too long/too late a nap has a major impact on her night sleep that may be the way to approach it – that this isn't best for DDs sleep overall, because it means she goes to bed 2-3 hours later, but wakes at her usual time, so actually gets less sleep, or whatever the situation is.

They won't force a child to stay awake, though, so if DD is hard to wake once she has finally gone off, that might be tricky.