To be really annoyed with nursery over this

[notaminorthing]

My two year old has mostly phased her nap out at home but still naps at nursery. This does mean a later bedtime but as long as she’s awake by 2. I’ve specifically asked before if she can be woken by 2.

However they keep not doing it and today she slept from 115 to twenty past three. It’s going to be around half nine by the time I get her down tonight. I have a reception aged child who I won’t be able to do homework or reading or anything with and even he is going to end up in bed later than ideal.

I have just stopped myself sending a really stroppy email and I’m going to ring in tomorrow but am I really being unreasonable in feeling a bit like I’ve lost trust? I’ve specifically asked and surely common sense should dictate that’s far too late a nap!

She's not asking them to engage with anything outside of nursery hours - she's asking them to wake her child at 2pm which they are not doing because it suits them to have her asleep.

She obviously needs the sleep......id never have poked the hornet when mine was small.

Do you realise how rude you sound?

My older child attended the same nursery from 11 months until he left this summer, so this is over four years I’ve had a child attend.

I have made polite requests but I have never actually complained. I have given the staff gifts, made donations and said thank you. I am entitled to be annoyed over something like this, when I’ve already made the request. It’s not like it’s twenty past two or something I could ignore - it’s nearly an hour and a half after I’ve said for her to be woken by. So yes, uncharacteristically I have an ‘attitude.’ Although you might be interested to know one of the reasons I’m sounding off here is to stop myself sending a very strongly worded email.

She does, just be better if she got it at night really, wouldn’t it?

Quite. Thank you.

Pot and kettle come to mind here.

I'm not the one trying to get the nursery staff onside here though, am I?

It’s just reading and phonics practice. I get very, very little time with just DS, and it is pretty much limited to when DD is in bed, so it’s disappointing for us both if this can’t happen.

Not sure why you’re getting so much grief. It’s fine to expect that they cap her nap. I’m assuming she’s in a room with some children that nap and some that don’t, everyone I know with a child within aged 2-3 caps the nap in some way! The 5 year old’s routine makes no odds, I wouldn’t mention that, I’d just say you want them to follow your request.

I would send the strongly worded email. Might stop you feeling so 😡

I don’t need them ‘on side.’ If they flatly refuse to do as I’ve asked I’ll have to withdraw her. I’d obviously rather not; she’s settled and I’ve been in the nursery system a long time, but I can’t have this continue. However, hopefully once I’ve stressed that actually it has had a really detrimental impact on the whole family they will stop.

It’s not really about having them onside. I’m paying for a service and if that service isn’t working for me then I stop. It’s that simple.

I've just stumbled upon this thread and I just wanted to say we have a similar age gap and when DC2 was 2 they behaved this way too if I tried to do homework or listen to DC1 read! They're 7 and 4 now (youngest not in school yet) and I'm happy to report it's much easier on that front. Although we also now have a 1yr old so that complicates things for us.

Anyway, I think the nursery should be doing as you ask. I'd speak to her key worker tomorrow about it.

Well do that then.

Though I can only imagine how much more disruptive finding and settling into a new nursery would be to the family routine.

I'm a childminder and my sleep policy says i won't force children to stay awake. I'm happy to cap it, but I'm so tired of dealing with fractious and challenging behaviour until 6pm so parents can go home and put them straight to bed. Its not fair on the child or me, or the poor other children who have to be around it.

If parents don't like it, they are free to move on to another setting where they will, I don't mind.

Honestly just tell them not to let her nap.

They’ll just stop reporting the correct time she’s woken otherwise. They’re not going to wake her on time. A woken child is a grouchy child and they’re on ratios anyway.

She doesn’t need the nap if she doesn’t nap with you; and if she does decide she needs a nap or two a week to catch up, she can do them on any of the five days you have her. Just no more nap from tomorrow. She’ll get used to it quickly.

Unfortunately it doesn't work like that at her age.

YANBU, it's very frustrating when they sleep for hours at nursery and then won't sleep at night.

I know for DS3 this was a problem for us - they had a policy of not waking a sleeping child. I can understand that from their side, it wasn't about ease, it was more that they all slept in a communal room and they didn't want to disturb the others by going in and waking one child who might be grumpy/cry out or need a lot of adult presence (which would take an adult away from the main group and therefore affect ratios)

?

You find a nursery, register the child, the child attends. Not disruptive for me at all. I’m not trying to sound contentious; I genuinely don’t know why that would be disruptive! Kids change nurseries all the time!

@Nickyknackered that’s why I have said I’m happy for her to sleep there even though she doesn’t at home. I’m just not happy for her to sleep over two hours and until well past three o clock!

Parent your 2yo then. Give them something different to do for the 5 mins homework takes

I don't think you're being unreasonable to expect the nursery to follow through on a simple request re. waking her at 2pm.

I do think you're unreasonable to ask if you're being unreasonable (you clearly don't think you are) and then telling everyone who disagree with you that they're rude/pompous etc.

I would complain to the nursery about their failure to follow your nap time request. I would also work on being able to do homework with your DD around. If she decides she needs less sleep/starts going to bed later you'll lose this time anyway. Have a plan that works for both of them. It is doable.

They never used to @BertieBotts; they’d all be woken up at around 2. I don’t know what has happened in that room!

To be fair to the nursery I think your child is at that very awkward age where they have mostly dropped the midday nap, but still need it some of the time. She simply wouldn't be napping at all if not tired. That does mean you are in the catch 22 of they can't do without the nap at all but if you try to keep them awake or wake them early on days that they are sleepy then you may simply end up with tired trantrumming behaviour all afternoon. So you are stuck between that or the child not wanting to go to bed until late. Fortunately it is a reasonably short lived phase so I'd suggest riding it out, and encouraging the 2 year old to take up some less disruptive evening pastimes.

Actually, apologies OP, I'm being too harsh. My core points are around two issues.

It's about this one child, not the rest of your family, so focus on that. You've made a request with regards to the child they're looking after and that's sufficient.

Be firm, but understanding that this change may not happen reliably/consistently over night. It's tough for nurseries dealing with tired children whose routines and being changed. It will take some time to instigate the new pattern.

I’m pissed off, @NuffSaidSam . And I’m sounding off here so I don’t send a stinking email. But you’re right, I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. I think the nursery were, though.

I hear you. I had this bloody battle with the nursery on the regular. Both of my girls dropped their naps at home at just over 1 (they are now 11 and 9 and they still hate sleep) and nursery wouldn’t heed it. Would make them lie on the bed even if they didn’t want to go to sleep (“we lay on the bed for half a hour but she would not close her eyes, the little monkey!” Yes because she does. Not. Need. A. Nap - why are you forcing this?!)

3pm onwards is danger nap territory. I’d be livid too.

They can be more tired at nursery so can easily sleep longer. We had the same issue, requested no nap. When we went in the nap times were just read out as feedback for the day and there were some nudges and corrections by the ones who knew we didn't want them. We accepted it wasn't ideal but also if they were tired and needed one and didn't make a fuss. It didn't actually make any difference to bedtime routine..xxx