To be really annoyed with nursery over this

[notaminorthing]

My two year old has mostly phased her nap out at home but still naps at nursery. This does mean a later bedtime but as long as she’s awake by 2. I’ve specifically asked before if she can be woken by 2.

However they keep not doing it and today she slept from 115 to twenty past three. It’s going to be around half nine by the time I get her down tonight. I have a reception aged child who I won’t be able to do homework or reading or anything with and even he is going to end up in bed later than ideal.

I have just stopped myself sending a really stroppy email and I’m going to ring in tomorrow but am I really being unreasonable in feeling a bit like I’ve lost trust? I’ve specifically asked and surely common sense should dictate that’s far too late a nap!

My LB went to a nursery who had a policy not to wake them up, once he slept for FOUR hours 😱 and then wouldn’t go to bed until 11pm (usually he’d go at 8).
We moved him (unrelated to this although I think we’d have moved him because of this ultimately) and he subsequently went to a nursery who were great about not longer than X or not later than Y.

I feel your pain OP. I think I’d have a frank conversation with the manager and if they are not able to do as you ask then at least you know where you stand and you can decide whether to move.

Both of mine have been terrible sleepers withe relatively low sleep needs in general, this nap stuff used to make me want to cry 😭

Don’t send her to nursery then.

Well this is a fair point. I’m usually dragging my two out of bed at 10am on a Sunday morning. Nephew has been up kicking a ball around since 6.30am 💀

10am is lunch time 🤣

Well if your child is banging and slamming about the place, I’m not surprised they prefer her sleeping.

All very normal for a two year old - self control develops between 3&4. If they can’t cope they are in the wrong job.

Most nurseries will have a policy where you can't wake a sleeping child.

If they keep 'forgetting' your instructions I would do what others have suggested and call at 2 to check she is awake. Realistically it's only Monday that it is a pita so I would forgo one on one time and go with the line of least resistance. Obviously Friday there are two of you so can deal with them separately.

I’m not being dramatic, but I can’t do any conducive learning with DS when DD is around and especially not in the evening. I think this thread has shown that children are all very different and I do know people who home school, often multiple children, and are very good at it and all power to them. For my part, I have always found it tricky meeting the needs of both children at once and I probably always will.

I don’t think most do, this is very variable I think. Unless something has changed at the nursery DDs nursery certainly doesn’t.

It’s not a competition!

This takes me back to trying to home school a reception aged child during lock down with a 1 year old at home as well and trying to hold down a job. It nearly bloody killed me and I have found mixing children doesn’t really work where concentration is required. We had to record lots of the learning and I was re-watching some of the videos the other day and you can frequently see the younger one causing a ruckus in the background. Reading practice has always been 1:1 in my house.

I’m in two minds over your nap situation though. On the one hand, I think you’re over-reacting and also potentially cutting off your nose to spite your face by leaving. Sorting term time pre school hours is going to be a nightmare. On the other hand, lots of people requested something similar at my nursery and they accommodated it so you’re not being completely outrageous.

I’d also say 2 is still quite young to fully drop naps. One of mine had a 2-3 hour nap until she was 31/2 with no issues dropping off at night. The other largely dropped at 2 but she didn’t go cold turkey. Some days she’d nap, most days she wouldn’t. Bedtime would be later when she did nap. I always took the view that if she was tired, she was tired and could do with the nap even if it disrupted bedtime a bit. I know how gutting it can be when bedtime isn’t straightforward though so can sympathise with the disruption. Our danger zone was never nursery naps, it was the car journey back. If she fell asleep in the car between 5.30 and 6 I knew I was in for a rough evening.

Banging about, throwing things, body slamming,etc. Nope, not normal. High spirits, yes, but behaviours like that shouldn’t be tolerated, and an ordinary two year old should be able to self regulate, even if it takes a little bribery and corruption 😉 (barring any special needs, of course).

Yeah. My youngest was 2 during the first lockdown. All of a sudden I was working full time from home and trying (and failing miserably) to home educate my eldest.

When I tell you I still carry the mental scars…

I understand, I had toddlers who were like this. When really little I would put the baby in the jumperoo for a bit but that didn't work when they were your little one's age. Could you pay extra to let her stay longer at nursery so your ds can do his homework while she is still at nursery or does he go to after school club?

Unfortunately mine are both delightful alone. Together they compete for attention and wind one another up. I think I’d still be scarred from that as well

@MillicentMaybe maybe stop being unpleasant about a two year old? Jeez.

@notaminorthing It's good you didn't send that email. ☺️
You cannot have a sleep/wake schedule tailored to your dc in nursery. She sleeps because she's tired. My just turned 4y would nap most days until this past summer. My neighbour's 4y is in nursery (school starts later here) and naps every day while there.

If you want a strict nap schedule at specific times only you need a nanny. It might be the best solution for your family.

My almost 2y and my 4y both napped 3:30-5:00pm yesterday 🙄 when I woke them up. I had to adjust our evening schedule which meant I was bloody exhausted by the tome I got them to bed. It's tough. I get it.

You have my sympathy OP. If my 2 year old naps until 1.59 she then sleeps 7-7 like clockwork, but I swear if she naps a minute past 2pm she's up til 10. It drives me absolutely insane when nursery let her sleep past 2 and she's an only child! I'm afraid if I had an older child as well I'd literally be pulling my hair out.

@Mumtobabyhavoc that’s not what I want. I already think I’ve been quite easygoing in saying ok, so nursery want her to sleep, not a problem, but just make sure she’s awake by around 2. My objection is then spending ages getting her to sleep then leaving her to sleep for over two hours!

This is pretty similar: if she wakes at 2 she’s asleep between half seven and eight, but much past that and we have an evening … well, like the one we’ve just had!

@notaminorthing don't let them mess you around. I worked at a nursery and we let them sleep as much as they would because it's easier!!!! Of course it is!! You need to tell them to wake them up!!!

@notaminorthing you've not answered my question on just how much conducive learning you need to do with your reception age child every single night of the week? Can’t you just have Mondays and fridays as homework free evenings?

It is on the young side but she is nearly two and a half. DS was closer to three IIRC, but he did wake at 5 every day! DD thankfully has not done that. I know with me I always offer a nap but she just generally doesn’t - it does suit me for the most part but I recognise that nursery is a different environment so no problem with a sleep there.

Term time isn’t a problem as I’m a teacher myself. My main reason is that if she’s settled and happy I don’t want to disturb that and also sentimentally I’ve been at that nursery a long time. However, I do feel miffed not just at the nap situation but at the fact I’ve asked nicely for her to be woken at 2 and that’s been ignored - if there’s a change in policy that could have been explained to me then. I don’t think there has been, I think they just left her sleeping for a very long time and I have to admit that doesn’t make me feel great.

What about just keeping her up at night, then? Go to bed when she's ready but wake her a bit early? This may change her readiness to nap earlier in the day. 🤔