To be really annoyed with nursery over this

[notaminorthing]

My two year old has mostly phased her nap out at home but still naps at nursery. This does mean a later bedtime but as long as she’s awake by 2. I’ve specifically asked before if she can be woken by 2.

However they keep not doing it and today she slept from 115 to twenty past three. It’s going to be around half nine by the time I get her down tonight. I have a reception aged child who I won’t be able to do homework or reading or anything with and even he is going to end up in bed later than ideal.

I have just stopped myself sending a really stroppy email and I’m going to ring in tomorrow but am I really being unreasonable in feeling a bit like I’ve lost trust? I’ve specifically asked and surely common sense should dictate that’s far too late a nap!

Pedantically I would say from 1:15 to 3:20 is most of the afternoon. In any event, it doesn’t matter what the actual timings are - the point is it made my life as a parent difficult and disrupted both children’s routines. I’ve sent an email to nursery; it was polite but hopefully clear so will see what response I get.

Wishing you luck.
Mine were up til 11:30pm (just under 2y and 4 y/o). I'm dead. 🥱😵‍💫

To be fair that is what we were saying there if you read my comment that pp replied to. OP initially said it was common sense not to let them sleep too late and we just pointed that exactly as you say all kids are different so there is no such thing as common sense with kids sleep.

Honestly people like you are so out of touch and ignorant. As if it’s that easy to just ‘give up work’. Also ‘raise them yourself’ is also a pathetic statement.

My boy is the same as that posters and your nephew and just reliably sleeps and takes himself to bed and sleeps through but don't worry we know our privilege 😅
Also well aware its nothing we've done he's just like that. I tend to just quietly sit back and thank my lucky stars when my friends talk about their kids sleep problems. Mind you we have another on the way and a little nervous if our luck is about to turn.

Easy or not you either do the job yourself or outsource it but accept they might have to do things differently and won’t always follow your preferred routine.

I do accept that, which is why she still naps at nursery and not at home.

Given that she’s with me for five days out of seven a week, I think I can say that for the most part I am ‘doing the job myself.’ Not that it makes a difference, it’s just a way of trying to shake working mothers. You choose to work; you put your child in nursery so you damn well put up with any amount of inconvenience as a result? No, I don’t accept that, and nor should anyone else.

This wouldn’t apply to any other job though would it? If you were paying for any other service whether it was a haircut or a house renovation and it wasn’t what you asked for, people on here wouldn’t be saying “do it yourself if you don’t like it”. A lot of people are just using this thread as an excuse to bash working mums. If the nursery has a policy that they don’t wake children then fine, it’s in the T&Cs. If the nursery has been asked to wake the child, they’ve agreed and then not done it then they aren’t providing the service that’s being paid for.

T&cs are one thing but babies and toddlers are not robots. They won’t always be able to put her down for a nap at the exact same time, not when there is a room full of other kids to look after. Most mothers on MN can’t cope with 2 kids at the same time which is why they still send the eldest to nursery when they have a new baby. I would love to see some of you trying to manage multiple kids’ naps in one noisy room. It’s nursery, not personalised care. If you want that, you need to do it yourself or pay a nanny which will cost you considerably more than nursery for a reason.

I would says nursery is a bit like the Supercuts equivalent of hairdressers in childcare terms. You get the bare minimum, group care. If you want something more fancy, you don’t send them to nursery (which is heavily subsidised these days btw so the argument “I pay a lot for it” is rather weak).

What on earth are you talking about?
How you define more fancy? Norland Nanny?
There are different options for childcare - nursery, childminder, nanny, and most people choose the one that suits the child, parents and life.

So as I’m only paying £500 a month I have no right to make any reasonable requests about how my child is cared for? By that logic, every child in state school should just be given a text book and told to get on with it - if you want more than a “supercuts” education, just go to Eton!

Its just nonsense that they can’t monitor the children, my little boy usually sleeps from 12.30-2 (they wake him) and they called me today at 10am to say he’s fallen asleep having a cuddle with his key worker and to ask if I was ok with that.

I mean one to one care whether that be the parent, grandparent or nanny. When nursery was first “invented” it was designed for the poorest in the society who couldn’t afford a personalised care. Just because a lot of people use it now, it doesn’t mean it’s better quality these days. With multiple
children with different needs it one room, there are limits in what is possible. Parents need to be realistic about that. OP said herself that she might just have to remove her child from the nursery and no one is stopping her from doing that.

I mean… yes… there won’t be any personalised learning with 30 kids in a classroom. It’s definitely not fancy. If you pay £500 you should expect £500 worth level of care (i.e. basic).

No one is expecting a whole day of personalised care though are they? The nursery either needs to be upfront and say it’s not their policy to wake children or take 30 seconds to wake the child (who should be being watched anyway). A child in school wouldn’t get one-on-one attention all day but should get help if they ask a question.

Of course you want some quite time without a 2 yo around to do homework and reading with your reception aged child. That is obviously a good idea and ignore those saying “it’s ridiculous”.

YANBU

I remember like yesterday what a bugbear this was with nurseries! They seem quite content to let DC sleep the day away, and then be full of beans at bedtime, when you’re absolutely knackered after your full working day. Not good for the DC either.

I always tried to sleep limit mine but it would often get forgotten. They just weren’t “sleep begets sleep”
type children - they were “will not sleep til incredibly late if they haven’t been up for a good long stretch of afternoon, doing actually stimulating activities” type children.

First of all it’s not just 30 second to wake a child. They would need to ensure that they either fall asleep exactly when they need them to so that they are ready to wake up at the time the parents demanded or it’s a case of waking up and dealing with a tired, grumpy 2 year old upon waking them up from a short nap. Have a read of the nursery threads. You’ll find all sorts of parents expectations and demand regarding sleep, meals (eg I want my child’s beans to be served on the side not on toast)- it all adds up and staff can’t provide that sort of individualised care. It’s like comparing economy vs first class on a plane, you’ll get personalised meals and service in first and choice of 2 meals (if you’re lucky) and cattle-like treatment in economy.

When I got brainwashed into sending my child to nursery for a short stint, I was happy when they had a long sleep and therefore escaped for a few hours the sensory hell that is nursery for babies and young toddlers. Some parents just want them straight to bed in the evening and don’t think about the poor child’s needs which is sad and selfish.

Yes, indeed. Very good post.

What on earth are you on about??

brainwashed? Nobody forces you to send children to nursery!! Why are you making it out to be such a horrendous thing.

lots of parents work and need childcare. It’s f*cking hard. To have their sleep disrupted as well when nursery agreed to a plan IS NOT the mums fault.

the child’s needs are to have a good sleep. The nursery are disrupting this.

are you against nurseries? Mums? Or mums who send kids to nurseries.

edited to say this is in response to TJk86

Agreed. None of the other stuff matters. They agreed. They didn’t do it.

Op, your babe could also be more tired at nursery than at home.
more wired so go to bed later and more tired so sleep more.

All should really kind round itself and by itself really! Don’t send the email except if you want to leave this nursery.

So sensible!

I was just thinking nurseries can’t provide a personal service for every child, we don’t know if they let the child sleep on so they could help/see to the needs of another.

its a bit annoying for the OP but ultimately your child is just one of the many they are looking after.

I had this situation

They wouldn't wake the child.

Mega annoying.

And we live somewhere where kids don't start school till aged 5, so DD was 5 and a half and still sleeping for over 3 hours at lunchtime!!?

I do remember on occasion picking her up at lunchtime and having her asleep at home for a reasonable amount of time, just so she'd sleep at night