Being made to be the bad guy with brother’s toddler in relation to food in the house

[BuckwheatBlini]

I don’t think I’m hugely precious about my house, but I am also conscious that we upgraded our soft furniture, carpets etc a couple of years ago now our children are tweens and less grubby (in theory!).

My Brother and SIL came to visit last weekend with their 2 year old DN. He’s very sweet but he’s two, so a messy eater. They repeatedly allowed him to take food onto the sofa (cream coloured) and armchair, as well as taking weetabix into their bed upstairs.

A couple of times my SIL said ‘oh, do you mind him eating that on the sofa?’ knowing full well my own children aren’t permitted scrambled eggs on an armchair.

I then felt I had to either smile and say it’s fine, or push back, when surely the fact she asked means she knew it wasn’t ideal?

But then the toddler has a tantrum if his food is taken away, and I feel like I’m the bad guy for triggering it. We have plenty of non carpeted spaces and A TABLE but they didn’t seem to want to set boundaries. If it had been me, I would have insisted the food stayed at the table and not put the veto back on the host.

AIBU?

I agree with you @BuckwheatBlini. The could would not have left the table in my house, accompanied by food.

Yanbu

Mother and father both being crappy and lax. Not hard to enforce a 2 year old eats at the table.

Food only at the table is an entirely reasonable rule to enforce on anyone whether they are your own household or a guest.

Any guest not adhering to that is spectacularly rude. YANBU.

Just say no!
it’s not that hard - “we don’t allow food on the sofa and in bedrooms. Thanks for understanding” it’s your house and your sofa.
the child will eat at the table if he is hungry.

I would have just said with a smile - all food eaten at the table in our home and ignored any protests from adult or child.

When our children were that age we did have that 'rule' and it wasn't a rule as such because our children didn't know any different. As they got older, they were of course, allowed snacks on the sofa while watching a movie but as a family even now we very seldom eat meals, including breakfast on the sofa. That's what the kitchen/dining table is for.

You should have pushed back every single time that food is only eaten at the table in your house. Who takes Weetabix into bed for a 2 year old anyway?

Just say no. Food stays in the kitchen or if you lucky enough to have a dinning room there too. Food in the lounge is a huge no no. It's a rule in most people s houses. Your house your rules

Oh I did say no, but it was just annoying having to do so repeatedly. To be fair, I think they are similarly lax in their own house.

Actually they as adults are just as bad, e.g. leaving a half eaten apple on the hallway carpet (intended to be eaten later but still messy…). I’m FAR from anal about cleaning but they make me feel like I’m precious.

Why does she keep asking when you already said no?. How long are they staying for?

YANBU.

My DCs are much older, and still food is eaten at the kitchen island or the dining room table (hard tile floor throughout so easy to clean!).

The parents, actual adults, left a half-eaten apple on the carpet in your hallway. And not just absent mindedly because they meant to put it in the bin and got distracted, but intentionally, meaning to come back and eat it later? Yuck! The toddler is not the root of the problem here.

They’ve gone now, but it was a 3 night stay. I actually breathed a sigh of relief when they left which is a shame as I love spending time with them.

I think it was the repeated asking that irritates me. I got the sense they didn’t want to push back on the toddler for fear of sparking a response, so were hoping I’d let it slide.

Why didn’t you say no when she asked?

Your Db and SIL would drive me mad! I might have let the toddler have a biscuit on the sofa but not eggs and cereals.

🤣 yes it sounds disgusting when put like this. It was there as we had planned to go for a walk and I think they wanted to snack on the way

I did, but it was the fact they they KEPT asking on multiple occasions that irritated me.

I think I’d have just said to wait a minute until I add a throw. Just a fleecy blanket or large towel or similar, nothing difficult to wash. Up to you though, your house, and we are a messy bunch here to be fair 😅

They left an apple on the floor to be eaten later?

These are not normal people.

So I'd have a conversation/message with your brother before they next come -
"Dear DB. Now your toddler is a little older could you have a chat with him before you get here and let him know that he wont be able to eat food anywhere except at the table. In fact it's probably a good idea to have everyone adopting this rule for the duration of your stay, so it's easier for him to understand and get used to it".

To preserve your relationship with your brother I’d have some cheap throws ready to cover your furnishings next time they come.

It’s annoying but not worth a rift …

Just state all means to be taken at the table. 2 year olds should be sat at tables to eat, who takes food upstairs, that’s just weird. Mine sat at the table from 6 months for all meals, no issues at all

Don't have them to stay again. You should be able to tell your brother the rules of the house.

I really like this, because I don’t want to fall out with them. There is no way I can turn them into mega cleaners and I think any attempt to change their parenting won’t be successful or well received, so this is a great middle ground solution.

the food upstairs was at bedtime. Apparently he said he was too hungry to sleep

'I got the sense they didn’t want to push back on the toddler for fear of sparking a response, so were hoping I’d let it slide.'

Well they are in for a world of pain if they're afraid of saying no to their own kid! They sound wet and hopeless.

It's not precious or uptight to have rules in your house, and they should respect that . I would be fuming