Being made to be the bad guy with brother’s toddler in relation to food in the house

[BuckwheatBlini]

I don’t think I’m hugely precious about my house, but I am also conscious that we upgraded our soft furniture, carpets etc a couple of years ago now our children are tweens and less grubby (in theory!).

My Brother and SIL came to visit last weekend with their 2 year old DN. He’s very sweet but he’s two, so a messy eater. They repeatedly allowed him to take food onto the sofa (cream coloured) and armchair, as well as taking weetabix into their bed upstairs.

A couple of times my SIL said ‘oh, do you mind him eating that on the sofa?’ knowing full well my own children aren’t permitted scrambled eggs on an armchair.

I then felt I had to either smile and say it’s fine, or push back, when surely the fact she asked means she knew it wasn’t ideal?

But then the toddler has a tantrum if his food is taken away, and I feel like I’m the bad guy for triggering it. We have plenty of non carpeted spaces and A TABLE but they didn’t seem to want to set boundaries. If it had been me, I would have insisted the food stayed at the table and not put the veto back on the host.

AIBU?

3 days !?!?! They wouldn’t be saying for the night again in my house, sorry. You are definitely not precious, it’s your house and your rules. I think it’s very disrespectful of them especially if your furniture and carpet got stained…. Child is a one thing it’s the parents who need to… you know, parent.

Difficult to know which way to vote, as obviously YANBU to expect food to be eaten in the kitchen / dining area / at a table / where there are hard floors, but I think YABU not to have just been firm and breezily said "Oh, no, in this house no food goes out of the kitchen" or "All food to be eaten in the dining area", and set the example and stuck firmly to it.
All your posts saying they asked again suggest you were somewhat half hearted.
I've had people staying in my hoe over decades, and people tend to follow your rules in your house, whatever they might choose to do in their own, if the expectation is clear from the start.

They'll be getting a lot of practise with the word 'no' once he hits two!😂

It was meals at the table and a damp faceloth ready for hands and face before DC got down from table for us at this age. I am faaaar from precious, but I am probably a bit lazy, so if I can avoid creating more work and dirt to clean up I will. A 'mummy' friend of mine once told me that she'd be happy for my family (with young kid) to stay at her - very gorgeous - home if she was away because she appreciated that I always made sure DC ate at table and wiped the kid up before getting down. She did not feel the same about the friend who let her kids run around with snacks and sticky hands. To be fair, that friend was a lot tidier and more organised than me and had a clean home, but the sticky hands and food detritus everywhere puts a lot of people off.

I think the PP who suggested throws was spot on. Really good compromise for downstairs. I would insist on no cereal in the bedrooms though, and I don't even have carpet!

I probably was a bit half hearted, you’re right. I just hoped that with family that would have been enough to read the room. They know my personality enough to translate (I had thought)

We had houseguests like this once when we first moved into our new build home. Toddler running down my freshly painted hallway with a yoghurt and spoon. Bastard yoghurt all up my walls.

Apparently the child refused to eat unless on the move. Hmm, no. Not in my (brand new) house. I sent DH to Mothercare to buy a highchair and told the parents that the toddler ate at the table in the highchair or they could find somewhere else to stay.

Unlike the (lovely, kind) OP, I'm an anal bitch with an obsession for cleanliness and a hatred for ill-mannered children 🙈. The child ate in the highchair. The houseguests never returned.

You have to be consistently firm with SIL about enforcing your rules around food and mess in your house. It’s irrelevant what they choose to do at home.

It’s all very well them being lax but when she takes him on play dates, he’ll either get told off by the host or they simply won’t invite him to return. It might be worth pointing that out to her if he’s her first child, as she might not realise the implications at this stage.

DS has always eaten at the table until he was about 15yrs then we allowed him to eat some meals on the sofa in front of the TV with us. No food taken upstairs EVER.

Any visiting children also have to follow our rules and it’s never been a problem.

My SIL's kids are like this. When she asked if she could visit we said not till kids are older. The problem with other people's children is you can't discipline them like your own.

Because it’s easier obviously.
I’d have no problem with people eating on sofas in my house (as long as they’re covered to save hassle from spills). Each to their own though.

My DB and SIL's kids aren't allowed at her DB's house as the kids haven't been taught to respect others things. As they practically live in a hoval, my SIL is the laziest person I know and expects the kids to do it all. When we used to go out for food years ago. She and my brother would let their kids drop food all over the place. And leave it for some bugger else to pick up. This is just one thing on a long list of things that they've not been taught properly.

So no I don't think your being unreasonable, things cost money. And children need to learn boundaries and respect for not only other people's things but their own as well.

I had this with my brother at the weekend. My toddler was sat at the table while my brother let his daughter rub crumbs into my sofa 🙄. And when I gently tried to say something about moving to the table, he guilt-tripped me about wanting to take food of her! Different parenting styles as adults are really hard. I feel like families respect your space less than friends.

YANBU. It reminds me of being on holiday in Greece with friends and extended family years ago. One of the kids in our group sat on my lap at dinner for a few seconds and when she got up my trousers were wet. I whispered to her mum that I thought she’d wet herself (didn’t want to embarrass the child) and the mum said: “Oh she goes anywhere - she’s feral!” and laughed 🤷🏼‍♀️

Message them now and say “the next time you visit, please feed your two year old at the table. We love having you to visit but letting a 2 year old eat on our soft furnishings is not reon. Just thought I’d mention it now so you know for future visits. Looking forward to seeing you next visit”.

(Not really on)

Sorry but it’s your house , so your rules. Tell them all food eaten in your home is eaten at the table, no discussion or debate. As parents they can deal with the meltdowns - why do they get a let but your own DC whose home it is don’t !

“In this house we don’t have food away from the table, you don’t mind , do you?”

I voted YABU because nobody can make you feel anything, and you chose to do nothing about the situation.

buy waterproof sofa covers for when they visit. If the sofa is cream - that is almost white, right and if is expensive and your pride and joy, then I can understand you want it lasting longer.

Also, a child should be taught manners.
An adult eating an apple picked up from a carpet filled with hairs, dust and animals hairs and what else sounds beyond normal

I make my 55-year old sister drink wine from a sippy cup on my sofa. No way would a child be eating anywhere but the table.

It’s not rude for hosts to enforce basic, reasonable rules.

They’ll only learn when they have to deal with the mess themselves. I find kids great for making you go back on everything you ever said (we always thought ils were ott and precious, then we had mice because of food down the side of the couch 😭)

Erm not sure why you didn't stick to your own house rules...none of our toddlers or teenagers have ever been allowed to eat anywhere they want, they know the kitchen table is for meals, snacks etc....the only times have been when there ill and they have been given a tray on the sofa or in bed, other than that anyone that visits also knows no food around the house

I don’t think that particular rule is reasonable tbh 😂

My 2 yo knows food is eaten at the table ! When I say tea time he takes himself off to the table to sit and wait for it food is not allowed on the sofa and he knows this .they are being lazy because they cba to deal with any tantrums which will cause issues when they go to nursery and have to sit at a table and eat a child i know also 2 wasn't allowed to do full days at private nursery because she wouldn't sit and eat her food and got upset when they tried to get her to sit down so they told the parent she could only do half days as they can't have her go hungry all day.

I would have been shepherding the child back out of the lounge saying something like

"uncle @BuckwheatBlini and aunty @BuckwheatBlini don't like it when people eat in here. Have mummy and daddy got your high chair? Aren't they silly billies? Do you want to help me make a big grown up place to sit and then you can chat to me when we eat? You can tell me all about nursery ".

I've had this with the grandchildren. I just say at Granny's house we eat at the table (or in the highchair). No argument. They just accept that's how it is at my house. I don't go in for all this soft parenting crap.

🤣 She doesn’t either. But she’s used to it by now. 🤣