Being made to be the bad guy with brother’s toddler in relation to food in the house

[BuckwheatBlini]

I don’t think I’m hugely precious about my house, but I am also conscious that we upgraded our soft furniture, carpets etc a couple of years ago now our children are tweens and less grubby (in theory!).

My Brother and SIL came to visit last weekend with their 2 year old DN. He’s very sweet but he’s two, so a messy eater. They repeatedly allowed him to take food onto the sofa (cream coloured) and armchair, as well as taking weetabix into their bed upstairs.

A couple of times my SIL said ‘oh, do you mind him eating that on the sofa?’ knowing full well my own children aren’t permitted scrambled eggs on an armchair.

I then felt I had to either smile and say it’s fine, or push back, when surely the fact she asked means she knew it wasn’t ideal?

But then the toddler has a tantrum if his food is taken away, and I feel like I’m the bad guy for triggering it. We have plenty of non carpeted spaces and A TABLE but they didn’t seem to want to set boundaries. If it had been me, I would have insisted the food stayed at the table and not put the veto back on the host.

AIBU?

I did say no! What annoyed me was they kept creating new situations and asking again, so again I’d have to say no.

I also think no scrambled egg on a sofa is just common sense

It's a well known thing that you take extra care in other people's houses. My aunt would cover her sofas before my toddler visited and even the dining chair he'd sit in 😆 notnoffended, they're messy. I'd never dream of letting food leave an easily cleanable place, to soft cream sofas!

I know exactly how you feel as my sister etc are the same. I just kept repeating that we ate at the table and although there have been some passive aggressive comments over the year, my niece and nephew know that at my house we eat meals or messy food at the table. I do allow things like snacks, popcorn etc on the sofa whilst watching TV etc.

She said no but sil kept as. So annoying

So sorry! I misunderstood.

Ugh, that must have been annoying. Next time, be clear - we don’t allow any food on the sofa. At all.

I have a toddler and I am super extra careful when we are at anybody else’s house. They are rude and thoughtless! I’ve had friends with toddlers stay with me and nobody has ever asked if their child can eat in their bed or on the sofa either!

Weetabix in bed? Madness!

next time they stay, the first time they ask, just say, as you know , we don't allow food on the furniture, or upstairs, so no need to keep asking, it's a no every time.

simple, your house your rules

Is the child repeatedly eating by itself? That won't help either if all the fun is happening elsewhere.

Next time, ask them to bring a high chair or just lay your hands on one. We have a plastic Ikea high chair bit like a bar stool that will go from 2 up to about 10 yrs old. No straps but it gets loads of use and stays in the garden at the table there all year around. Dead handy.

I think you will have to treat SIL a bit like a toddler. "No, still no eating on the sofa/bed/floor! Let's have a cup of tea with toddler while he eats. "

You should have told them in no uncertain terms that you didn't want their little angel eating on your sofa or in the bed. Eating Weetabix in the bed is gross.

It was you OP. Your house, your rules.

All food to be eat at table and no food in the sitting room. No idea why you would rather buy throws than set boundaries.

I voted YABU because you didn't tell them food is only allowed at the table and definitely NO food upstairs.

Your house your rules. I would be mortified if a child of mine went and sat on a nice new sofa to eat something messy!

I’m on the fence, when I read your op I thought how awful but the more your posted I thought maybe not. I’d have no issue with a 2 year old being fed some weetabix in bed if they couldn’t sleep, sheets are for washing and a parent was over seeing, and I’d have thrown a throw on the sofa. My sofas are all light, one cream, but it’s washable, and my view is I want guests to feel at home and I don’t want to be sitting stressing about “stuff”. But if it is a real issue, I think it’s best to say the first time, no food to be consumed other than at the table.

then feed him at the table?

weetabix on soft furnishings is so grim

Also the apple thing, it also makes it sound like you tried to make out it was worse than it was, when in fact it was someone going for a walk, wh0 placed the uneaten side down for a few mins whilst they shoved some shoes on, to go and then eat it when they went out. I don’t really have an issue with that either.

It’s your home, @BuckwheatBlini say no, all food at table, or she can feel free to take child to a cafe

shes perfectly comfortable being an unspeakably rude guest, you need to be fine being a firm host

if she gets offended and never comes back.. RESULT!

The kid was in bed, and sheets can be washed, but clearly a parent feeding him as nothing was spilled.

Your house = your rules. They need to nip the never saying no in the bud. Weetabix in bed is ridiculous, they are pandering to him way too much

You are more polite than me, as l would probably have got bored of the repetitive questions / boundary pushing and told them to stop asking!

Haha i imagine this in our house. Both me and my partner would have happily showed them all the door the second they started eating anywhere other than the kitchen/diner. I could just about put up with not eating at the table in the seating part of our diner but i would 100% expect the parents to keep an eye and clean up any mess.

Non negotiable in our house, you eat with table manners and zero mess otherwise you go outside.

This is a SIL issue by the sounds of it, @BuckwheatBlini call your brother after and chat with him

make it clear that your happy to see them, but absolutely no food ever away from the table in future, no weetabix in bed, nothing.

Having read a few more of your replies, sorry your brother and his family are tramps.

I know there are different standards but leaving food on carpets is disgusting. I have 2 dogs and they clean up their crumbs if they make a mess ffs

My 4 year old literally never eats anywhere but the kitchen table! Odd morning he’ll have toast/waffles in bed. They’re taking the piss