Being made to be the bad guy with brother’s toddler in relation to food in the house

[BuckwheatBlini]

I don’t think I’m hugely precious about my house, but I am also conscious that we upgraded our soft furniture, carpets etc a couple of years ago now our children are tweens and less grubby (in theory!).

My Brother and SIL came to visit last weekend with their 2 year old DN. He’s very sweet but he’s two, so a messy eater. They repeatedly allowed him to take food onto the sofa (cream coloured) and armchair, as well as taking weetabix into their bed upstairs.

A couple of times my SIL said ‘oh, do you mind him eating that on the sofa?’ knowing full well my own children aren’t permitted scrambled eggs on an armchair.

I then felt I had to either smile and say it’s fine, or push back, when surely the fact she asked means she knew it wasn’t ideal?

But then the toddler has a tantrum if his food is taken away, and I feel like I’m the bad guy for triggering it. We have plenty of non carpeted spaces and A TABLE but they didn’t seem to want to set boundaries. If it had been me, I would have insisted the food stayed at the table and not put the veto back on the host.

AIBU?

You need to enforce that visits are conditional on no food on the sofa. I had to do it as my siblings are slobs and let their kids eat anywhere.

We eat at the dining table, it’s not negotiable? Both mine are 23 and 18 and we never ate on the sofa and no food in bedrooms. That’s been the rules from day one and they know this. Even with friends round, they always ate either on dining table if there were a lot of them or on the breakfast bar if just a few. Neither my husband nor I ever eat on the sofa and I’d be horrified if guests other children wanted to do this! No one has ever attempted to, maybe because from the onset, I’ve made it very clear that food is consumed in kitchen or dining area. Just tell them the truth, it’s your house, your rules…if the parents get offended, they’re entitled and that’s their problem not yours.

Who gave him the food? If scrambled eggs surely you made it? In which case just serve it at the table.
If someone else just say. I'll set the table, that's where we always eat.

To be fair we do “bed porridge” or weetabix for our 3 year old and have done since about 18mo as it’s the only way he slept longer. BUT we spoon it into his mouth and it makes no mess.
No one eats on the sofa or anywhere other than the table at other times!
And I’m more than happy to tell guests (especially family!) we only eat food at the table. I think it’s really important that kids learn there are different rules in different houses.

YANBU as a whole but you should have been direct with them when asked, it’s your home and they were incredibly cheeky to ask if they know your general rule. Tbh don’t know why they allow him to eat wherever, you start good habits early on (I also have a 2 year old and wouldn’t allow this)

Edited to fix spelling mistake

You need to be a bit tougher! They asked the question, you had the opportunity to say no and you didn't take it. Next time, be firmer!

@BuckwheatBliniim very easy going when it comes to cleaning, but seriously it is not practical for a 2 year old to eat those meals anywhere apart from the table. How odd that they think it is. If you had said toast or a pizza.., maybe… I never personally did that but I could understand it.

You were unreasonable not to insist they eat at the table. Your house, your rules!

I’d point out “oh I realised pretty quickly once I had kids that if was mortifying when we went to someone’s lovely house for a play date and they jumped on the furniture, demanded snacks and screen time and then spilled snacks everywhere! Yeah it’s so embarrassing when you raise feral kids, best to knock it on the head when they are small so they know the rules - shoes off in the house, no feet on furniture, food stays on the table. Hahaha you’re in for a world of pain!”

Sweeping generalisation there!
We eat most of our meals at the table BUT we have never had a rule of no food in lounge/bedrooms. No one i know has that strict of a rule and growing up my DM never insisted on it and none if my friends had it either !

I hate cleaning but like having a tidy and clean home. So food is eaten in the dining. kitchen usually. I remind kids who are visiting mine and they understand that it’s our house rules. If they or we are having a film night then popcorn on the sofa etc.. but I try to ask for clear up help afterwards. My 16yo who is personally immaculate clothes wise etc. has always run the risk of becoming a household slob so I am trying to reinforce the cleaning up alot to avoid apples on carpets in the future! I don’t think you were being at all unreasonable and useful for kids to understand that different rules can exist in different places.

Why do you feel you have to explain yourself. I am very precious about my house. We have spent a lot of money doing our house . No way would I allow someone's child to come in and show how badly he is being brought up. You sit at the table or you do not eat - my house my rules. Don't like it, don't come. My grandchildren came for a holiday in the summer and ate all their meals at the table. It was a no brainer. So yes, I admit, I like my house kept nicely, I am precious about it. My furniture is good quality and very nice, so no , it would not happen on my watch.

But it WAS you. And you easily could have said ‘oh sorry DN/DSIL we only eat at the table here’. I have no problem telling other peoples kids and they understand different houses have different rules, even toddlers.

Your house, your rules. I like children to sit at a table to eat.

Your brother and sil shouldn't have kept asking but then you could have been more direct. For next time I would get some throws for your sofa that you can chuck in the wash should he get them dirty. Them constantly asking you puts the onus on you to say no each time, potentially coming across as uptight when they should have gathered in the first instance you weren't OK with it.

Everyone has different boundaries. We don't eat meals in our living room and are fortunate to have a dining room and a separate table in the kitchen. Parents are directed to either one of those rooms to feed their children at my house.

Same here.

I’m not embarrassed to have standards of behaviour at my house. Others can live as they please but in my house they do things my way. It’s not up for negotiation.