Expected to care and provided for my older brother

[Brothernotmyproblem]

So my dad died when I was 10 and my brother 20. Mum found it hard but coped. I didn’t want anything from my brother but over the years he’s only given me £10 a year on my birthday for the last 40 years

i didn’t want anything but for your 18th, 21st, buying my house a bit more would have been nice. He's got a daughter he’s never sent a penny to all her life. He’s contracted abroad in many countries and used to earn a LOT of money

hes lost his jobs, mainly through drinking and wasted a lot of money along the way. He’s recently moved back in with my mum in her housing association house. It’s 3 bedroom and she gets relief due to the granny tax

i doubt she can get him on the tenacy as he wouldn’t get housing benefit, (she’s put him on council tax which she’s paying) I’ve got a feeling I’m being lined up to have him move into my house if something happens to my mother who’s 80. How do I be strong in this?

When you say lined up, has there ever been a discussion about him moving into his own place?

I'd be very forthright and blunt, to both your mother and your brother.

Something along the lines of 'I don't know if your thoughts have been turning in that direction, but you need to know that I will not be supporting brother in the event of your passing. He will not be living with me. I don't want that to come as a shock to anybody, or any plans or assumptions made on that basis, because that won't be happening.'

No but I know the rest of my family won’t expect me to have my brother homeless

There’s me and the cats, I have 2 bedrooms spare but I work from home and expect to be always doing this

Don’t ever let him move in, even for a short term stay. Fill the rooms of your house with hobbies or pets or something.

also, ask him where he thinks he will be long term. If he says “with Brothernot” you can reply “no way. That won’t work”.

If he’s made lots of money why can’t he rent a flat like everyone else?

Not sure if all housing associations are the same but I've know ones where you can name other adults living in the house on the lease. When the lead dies the tenancy can be transfered to someone named on the lease if they can prove they have lived there for over a year.

Because he’s pissed it up the wall and spent it on stupid things

Just say no if it ever actually gets to that position. He will have to just sort himself out. If your mother mentions it just tell her you won't be able to do it or be ambiguous if you think it will really upset her and you don't want to.

It doesnt matter if your rooms are completely empty, they’re YOUR rooms to do whatever you like with. If your brother has made plenty of money in his life and has squandered it so that he now doesn’t have enough to live on, then that’s not your fault or your problem. I would love to spend my pension contributions and be able to go on holiday, but that’s not how life works, you have to plan. It might be a bit different if he had never been able to work for some reason.

You don’t owe him a thing. Maybe 10x 18 but take off what you gave him? lol He’s a tight selfish prick and his life has come back to bite him on the ass. He’ll probably die alone. I have no sympathy for any person (man) who does not support his own flesh and blood and the mother when she needed him most. He’s horrible.

PS don’t tell your Mother it will only upset her and she doesn’t need to know x

Me and his ex have spent a lot of time of time over the years keeping the relationship together he’s done nothing

he’s lived there for over a year but I don’t think his benefits would cover a 3 bedroom house rent

start letting it’s known now that he won’t be moving in.

He just needs a room and not one of yours!

The thing is my mum is aware and is worrying. Her will is all to me then I’ll sort everything as she knows he’s useless

Why would he be homeless?
If he is evicted by the housing association wouldn't that give him some priority with the council?
Also if he is over age 60.
Which I presume as he is 10 years older than you.
Bit puzzled about the birthday money?
I never expected anything from siblings once grown up re birthdays.
Anyway if I were you I'd be careful not to let him in 6our house.
If he wants to meet or to talk
let it be at a relatives house or coffee shop or place of interest.

Not sure if all housing associations are the same but I've know ones where you can name other adults living in the house on the lease. When the lead dies the tenancy can be transfered to someone named on the lease if they can prove they have lived there for over a year.

The family can think what they like.

Id act oblivious.

And if someone in The Family had the brass neck to ask what I was doing about a homeless adult man, 10 years older than me.. well id answer honestly. Im doing nothing, dont let me get in the way of your rush to help him.

I am not my brothers keeper and all that.

You genuinely dont have to explain why you arent helping someone who doesnt help himself and isnt your responsibility

But what if the tenant can’t afford the property on their own?

i mentioned the will, that was more that i get ownership of any pets, the rest is just a couple of grand. There’s no way his benefits will cover the cost of him living in a 3 bedroom house

He won’t even be thinking about this now, will just be expecting

I'm pretty sure the Housing element of UC would cover most of it but he would have to cover the bedroom tax short fall. He can apply to the local council for a discretionary housing payment that if awarded would cover the shortfall. Whether they award it will depend on his circumstances at the time

Can your mum get him on the tenancy? If so, he could then exchange (either through the council directly or through a social housing house swap arrangement) for a smaller property with a cheaper rate in future.

Just say No when the time comes. He is not your problem. Why can't he work now?

Oh ok, exchange might be a thing, thank you